Midnight Pals: Legally Binding (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello childrenPoe: ohPoe: joanneRowling: I want to invite you all to hear my ssspecial podcassst appearancePoe: oh godBarker: what’s it calledRowling: it’s called ‘the witch trialsss of jk rowling’Barker: ah hahaha

Rowling: ssssee, it referssss to the fact that I wrote a book about witchesssRowling: but also, like historical witchesss, I have been unfairly persecutedBarker: damn did you think of that yourselfRowling: I’ve been workssshopping it for a while

Rowling: it’sss come to my attentionRowling: that you lot have been criticizing meBarker: damn what gave you that impressionPoe: cliveBarker: real big brain moments herePoe: clive

Rowling: for too long, I’ve been silencedRowling: now it’s time for ME to do the ssssilencingRowling: with the most POWERFUL spell of allKing: oh no! the killing curse!Rowling: NORowling: WORSERowling: [handing legal papers to King] you have been sssilenced Rowling: [hanging legal papers to Poe] you have been sssilencedPoe: what’s thisRowling: papers from my solicitorRowling: that’s a lawyer by the wayPoe: I know what that is Rowling: these paperssss legally prohibit you from making fun of mePoe: what’s this red stain? Spaghetti sauce?Rowling: jusssst ignore thatBarker: ahahahRowling: I’v got papersss for you too cliveBarker: oh this is some bullshit

Rowling: it’s time that everyone heard MY side of the storyKing: what’s your side of the story?Rowling: my side isRowling: “golly I’m just a simple childrens writer golly”King: oh wow she makes a good pointPoe: no she doesn’t steveKing: but she’s just a simple-Poe: steve

Rowling: now that you’ve all received letters from my solicitorRowling: no one is ever allowed to make fun of me againMary Shelley: hey I been looking through these papersShelley: and funny thing, I don’t see any anti-shiv clause in hereRowling:Barker: oh damn joanne that’s a big oversight Rowling: for too long the transsss have allowed to post freelyRowling: but who’s telling my ssside of the sssstory?Rowling: besides the entire British media establishmentRowling: but other than that, who?