Midnight Pals: The Real Victims (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: I have good newsssRowling: I have ssuccesssssfully ssssued my criticssss into sssilenceRowling: my british criticssss, that isRowling: [mumbling under breath] lousssy ssstinking americansss

Rowling: confound those americansss!Rowling: with their free ssspeech!Rowling: and their maverick, can-do attitude!Rowling: AND their yankee ingenuity!Rowling: did you know that they put actual spices in their food over there? Helen Joyce: no they don’t, I’m sure that’s just a mythJoyce: like intersex peopleRowling: no it’s trueRowling: they have all these ssspicessssRowling: likeRowling: cuminRowling: andRowling: oreganoRowling: it’s awful, they really irritate my Jacobsssson's organ

Jesse Singal: mommy mommy help meJK Rowling: oh here comesss a sssspecial boyRowling: whatsss the matter jesseSingal: it was that big bully gretchen felker-martinRowling: FELKER MARTINRowling: why thatRowling: OOO how I hateRowling: OOO i wish i had sssome eyelidsss to narrow

Rowling: what did she do jesssse, tell mommy all about itSingal: well seeSingal: i was just minding my own businessSingal: thinking about the importance of inspecting childrens genitalsSingal: you know to make sure they're gender-conformingRowling: right right of courssse

Singal: [sobbing] and then out of nowhere she said Singal: [sobbing] she saidRowling: there there baby let it all outRowling: tell mommy what she saidSingal: [bravely holding back tears] she said

Singal: [blubbering, snot gushing from nose] she said i was responsible for fostering a moral hysteria that kills trans people!!Singal: [ugly crying] just because i was askSingal: [ugly crying] askSingal: [ugly crying] asking questions

Singal: [ugly crying] she was mad at me because of the murder of a trans teenagerSingal: [ugly crying] it was like she didn't even care that i was the real victimSingal: [ugly crying] cuz people were very very mean to me onlineRowling: oh yesss baby i underssstand

Rowling: that felker martin!!! first she kills me in her bookRowling: which is exactly like dying in real lifeRowling: now she insssultsss my ssspecial boy!Rowling: well!Rowling: i won't sssstand for this anymore!!Singal: [sobbing] what are you gonna doRowling: i'm going to build a 4 foot fence SO tall...