Midnight Pals: Alice Walker (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: I want to introducccce our newest recruit Rowling: Aliccce Walker Alice Walker: “children” is a gender-neutral form of address that will turn people trans Walker: issssn’t she great?

Rowling: welcome to my terf deatheatersss, alice Walker: great to be here Walker: no better way for an esteemed legacy of civil rights and feminist activist to end Walker: than here in the den of rational thought Walker: hey joanne you went pretty easy on the goblins in your book

Walker: I liked the part in your book where the goblins ran the banks Rowling: yesss Walker: and the part where they make matzo out of Christian baby blood Rowling: Rowling: uh

Rowling: that didn’t happen in the book Walker: oh sorry was that just in the movie? Rowling: that wassssn’t in the movie Walker: oh the video game then? Walker: I mean, you didn’t leave that out did you? Walker: seems like a real oversight!

Rowling: I don’t get it Rowling: it’ss sso weird how we try to be transsphobess but we keep attracting antisssemitesss Rowling: itsss like thossse thingsss are connected ssomehow Rowling: Walker: maybe trans people are a jewish conspiracy? Rowling: yess yess that musst be it!

Rowling: you know, I really don’t know how we don’t have lovecraft at thesssse meetingssss Rowling: we’re literally ssscared of all the sssame ssstuff!

Walker: I have a poem I’d like to read Walker: it’s called “my stupid jewish lawyer ex, he is stupid and smells” Rowling: yess YESS Rowling: you’ll find in nicccely here Rowling: becausse if there’sss one thing about my terf deatheatersss Rowling: they are all EXTREMELY divorced