Midnight Pals: Rowling in the Morning (Patreon)

Megan Phelps-Roper: hey you’re listening to the witch trials of jk rowling, W KZFM in the morning with Megan Phelps-Roper and the weasel [air horn sound effect]Phelps-Roper: we are here with the main boss lady herself, Jk R-r-r-rowling!Rowling: good to be here Phelps-Roper: now its time for our 10 am challenge [‘Oh Yeah’ plays]Phelps-Roper: JK Rowling, will youPhelps-Roper: livePhelps-Roper: on airPhelps-Roper: eat a bug?Rowling:Rowling: wave it around ssso it looks like it’s alive

Rowling: hey weren’t you in the westboro Baptist churchPhelps-Roper: oh yeah haha everyone remembers thatPhelps-Roper: yeah, picketing funerals, yelling slurs at grieving parentsPhelps-Roper: those were good timesPhelps-Roper: but I’m really concentrating more on self-care these days

Phelps-Roper: yeah I know everyone likes to worry about all those gays and jews I used to harassPhelps-Roper: but their pain was necessary for my journey of discoveryPhelps-Roper: the important thingPhelps-Roper: is that I am SUCH a good person nowRowling: yessss of courssse

Rowling: look a lot of people have been ssssaying to cancel harry potterRowling: and I jussst think that we should consssider the other perspectiveRowling: what aboutRowling: inssstead of cancelling harry potterRowling: you just continued to give large amounts of money to me, its creator?Phelps-Roper: wow, never thought of it that way before!Rowling: I ssssay thisss as a disinterested third party, of course

Rowling: people keep askingRowling: ‘jk rowling, why don’t you condemn thesssse nazisss who keep showing up at your ralliesss’Rowling: I’m jussst like wowRowling: I guess I’m just not close-minded like some peoplePhelps-Roper: wow wow good point

Rowling: look, it’s not for me to judge other peopleRowling: that’sss for a special wizengamot-appointed tribunal with special genital measuring calipersRowling: we’re going to have the Kriegsloks leave from platform 5 ¾Rowling: honestly I think you’re going to find this whole genocide we’re planning just really charming

Phelps-Roper: how do you respond to allegations that you’re allied with nazis?Rowling: [chuckling] oh megan I’d be lying if I said we weren’t allied with nazis!Phelps-Roper:Phelps-Roper: well, touche