Midnight Pals: Lifestyles of the Dog and Famous (Patreon)

Poe: it’s awful nice of dean Koontz to invite us over for a picnic, eh, guys?Dario Argento: I hope he made lots of spaghetti!!![approaching luxurious manor house, entrance flanked by 2 stone golden retrievers]

Dean Koontz: [wearing smoking jacket and holding pipe] oh hello! I didn’t see you thereKoontz: I’m dean Koontz, welcome to my  temporary 12,000-square-foot homeKoontz: I call it “koontzland”Koontz: c’mon in! let me show you aroundKoontz: [blow bubbles on pipe]

Koontz: this where I removed the indoor pool to install a dog parkKoontz: this where I removed a library to install a dog parkKoontz: this where I removed a candy room to install a dog parkKoontz: and this is where I removed a 4 foot fence to install another dog park

Koontz: this is just my temporary house, my main one is being renovatedKoontz: I’m going to have it made into the shape of a giant fire hydrantKoontz: to celebrate my love of dogs!!Koontz: you guys, I just love dogs so much

Koontz: this is my dogetariumKoontz: it’s like an aquarium but for dogsBarker: wow you really like dogsKoontz: like dogs? I love dogs!! Koontz: this is my private dog caféKoontz: I’ve got every kind of dog hereKoontz: schnauzers, spitzes, terriersKoontz: retrievers, hounds, teacupsBarker: that’s a lot of dogsKoontz: oh you can’t have too many dogsBarker: that’s clearly too many dogs Koontz: no expense is too big for my dogs!Koontz: I have a private French chef working on new pizzle recipes for themKoontz: and I had all my toilets filled with perrierKoontz: and my next horror book is going to be written exclusively for the dog audienceKoontz: it’s about a vacuum cleaner that’s really loud Dean Koontz: I want you guys to all meet the love of my life, GerdaGerda Koontz: hi! Hi! Hi!! Oh boy! Visitors!!Dean Koontz: settle down girl! Ha haGerda Koontz: [licking Koontz’s face] what’d you bring me? What’d you bring me???

Dean Koontz: you know, gerda really started my writing careerDean Koontz: she said that if I wrote for 5 yrs, she'd support meBarker: oh really? How’d you support him?Gerda Koontz: oh you knowGerda Koontz: herding sheep, pulling sleds, rescuing hikers lost in the alpsGerda Koontz: just normal stuff