Midnight Pals: Thought Crimes of the Future (Patreon)

HP Lovecraft: S-submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the swarthy foreigner King: c’mon howard really Lovecraft: t-this is cancel culture King: King: howard King: you can’t keep doing this

Lovecraft: t-this is cancel culture  King: clive did you really have to teach him that phrase  King: I mean yeah it was funny at first  King: but its really starting to get kinda annoying Barker: ha ha it’s still funny

Lovecraft: this is c-cancel culture  Barker: this will never be not funny  Lovecraft: t-this is cancel culture  Barker: ah ha ha he said it again!  Barker: the absolute madman!!!

Lovecraft: i-I’m being cancelled for my beliefs  Pamela Paresky: hey my adrenochrome-drinking libertarian race realist friends and i saw you across the bar and we really dig your vibe. Can we buy you a drink?

Pamela Paresky: I like the way you speak your mind  Paresky: I’d like to invite you to join our club  Paresky: we call ourselves “the thought criminals”  Paresky: because we’re all thought criminals  Paresky: some of us are sex criminals too

Paresky: we have free thinkers here, running the gamut from sex criminal libertarians to accused sex criminal libertarians  Paresky: this is a safe space for us free thinkers  Lovecraft: c-can i  Lovecraft: can I say my cat’s name  Paresky: oh yes  Paresky: absolutely

Paresky: let’s get some heterodox thoughts going in here  Joshua Katz: black people shouldn’t be so loud when cops beat them  Sarah Rose Siskind: and they really shouldn’t be in college Emma Green: wow! These are some interesting viewpoints!  Green: much to consider

Paresky: as you can see the thought criminals are a contemptible lot of cads, bounders and tiger stabbers Paresky: no opinion is too outrageous to be shared here Joyce Carol Oates: [kicking in door]  Paresky: oh shit no

Oates: you the thought criminals? Paresky: n-no joyce please Oates: cuz i got some thought crimes to commit Paresky: no joyce stop!! Oates: first of all whats the deal with halloween Paresky: [weeping] she's too powerful!! make her stop!!!