Midnight Pals: Jewish Noir (Patreon)

Zachary Rosenberg: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the long shalomRosenberg: so it’s the 1920sLovecraft: [nodding]Rosenberg: and there’s a detectiveLovecraft: [nodding]Rosenberg: the detective is jewishLovecraft: [nodding abruptly stops]

Rosenberg: so there’s a jewish detectiveLovecraft: [sweats]Rosenberg: and the jewish detective is bisexualLovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Rosenberg: the bisexual jewish detective teams up with a Japanese womanLovecraft:Rosenberg: and a black guyLovecraft:Rosenberg: and a trans womanLovecraft:Rosenberg: and the Japanese woman runs a rainbow museum of tolerance and brotherhood for all racesLovecraft:Barker: ah ha ha don’t stop now keep goingBarker: howard really wants to hear more about thatPoe: clive don’t be an instigatorBarker: ha ha I’m not even doing anythingBarker: I’m just really into this storyPoe: clive

Rosenberg: so hardboiled jewish detective Moishe Marlowe was in his officeRosenberg: and in walked danger in the form of a beautiful womanRosenberg: she needs help exorcising some Talmudic demonsRosenberg: so she’s in the market for a gumshoeRosenberg: “listen I used to believe in America and the american dream” says hard-boiled jewish detective Moishe Marlowe “then I found out that it’s only so much bupkis and all my ideals crumbled like so much matzoh”Rosenberg: and the Talmudic demon is all “haha I’m gonna destroy new York”Rosenberg: and Moishe Marlowe is all “fuck you, nobody steps on a synagogue in my town!”

Rosenberg: “that’s right, schmuck, Moishe Marlowe might just be a two-bit schmendrick private dick but he’s 100% new york!”Rosenberg: “this Empire Stater eats novelty statues of liberty souvenirs and shits sewer alligators!”Rosenberg: “there’s dirty hot dog water in these veins!”

John Baltisberger: watch it rosenbergRosenberg: baltisberger!Rosenberg: what are you doing hereRosenberg: selling tickets to the police mans ball?Baltisberger: just stopping in with a friendly piece of advice, rosenbergBaltisberger: don't stick your nose in police business!