Midnight Pals: Little Longfellow War (Patreon)

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: By the shores of Gitche GumeeLongfellow: By the shining Big-Sea-WaterLongfellow: stood the mighty HiawathaLongfellow: in a coat he made from otter

King: wow, just wowBarker: incredible stuff!Koontz: gosh! so cool!Lovecraft: really gets you right here, don't it?Poe:Poe: [muttering] he's not that good

Poe: ugh, longfellow's poems are maudlin tripePoe: you guys actually LIKE this stuff?King: it just makes you feel nice inside, edgarPoe:King: ya know all warm and squishyPoe:King: like you just ate a big pile of water balloonsPoe: yes stephen i am familiar with the sensation

Poe: i'm gonna call this charlatan outKing: oh edgar, don'tKing: dean really likes his poemsPoe: dean is hardly the barometer of good taste, steveKing: oh no edgarKing: you don't mean thatPoe: i'm sorry i justPoe: they're not good poems!

King: they're very popular poems, edgarPoe: popularity does not mean quality, steve!!!Poe: longfellow writes pap for the lowest common denominator!Poe: oooo i HATE that longfellow!!Poe: i hate him and his trust fund!!

Poe: [typing] call out post for henry wadsworth longfellowPoe: [typing] his poetry is maudlin tripe, fit only for childrenPoe: [typing] his work is complete squeecoreBarker: damn, edgar, i never thought I'd say thisBarker: but you got the soul of a true poster!Barker: honestly i figured howard was the only true poster among usLovecraft: [typing on phone] DEBATE ME, FRED JACKSON YOU COWARD!!!

King: did longfellow reply to your callout, edgar?Poe: no!! he hasn't said anything!Poe: he's just ignoring it!Poe: he's ignoring the discourse!Barker: damn wowBarker: what a power move!

Poe: what thePoe: ooo! that longfellow! always two steps ahead!King: just let it go edgarBarker: haha don't tell him what to let go steveKing:King: oh i guess i need to say it this timeKing: clive

Poe: i've got one last trick up my sleevePoe: something that no writer can resist replying to!King: no edgar you can't meanPoe: yes!Poe: i'm going to write a one star goodreads review

Longfellow: [singing and playing electronic keyboard] To stop that discourse, one-two-threeLongfellow: Here's a fresh new way that's trouble-freeLongfellow: It's got henry longfellow's guarantee ... [winks]Longfellow: Just don't look! Just don't look!