Midnight Pals: Pun Times (Patreon)

[at unicorn fuck club] Piers Anthony: ok guys get ready Piers Anthony: it's time for PUN times with Piers Anthony! Anthony: i think you'll all have a real SNAKE time! Anthony: ANACONDA they're so funny!

Anthony: so bob basilisk, gooey goblin, and steve Stymphalian bird were walking on the beach Anthony: when suddenly someone started shooting sea shells at them Anthony: normally shells just lie on the beach Anthony: but THESE shells were being shot at them

Anthony: these shells were being loaded into guns and shot at themAnthony: propelled by gunpowder! Anthony: in a manner quite unusual when it comes to shells in fact Anthony: most peculiar! Anthony: [turning to audience] can YOU guess the pun? turn the page for the answer

Anthony: in fact they were artillery shells! Anthony: eh? eh? get it? JRR Tolkien: GRR Martin: CS Lewis: Anthony: well, if you don't like it, blame Jimmy B. (12) of akron, ohio

Anthony: anyway princess penelope comes by Anthony: and she's all "oh no" Anthony: "i'm at the beach" Anthony: "guess i better..." Anthony: "TAKE OFF MY PANTIES!!!" JRR Tolkien: GRR Martin: CS Lewis: Anthony: you guys she's taking off her panties

Anthony: so princess penelope hides deep in the bushes and looks this way and that just to make sure that no one can see her take off her panties Anthony: but you know what she can't hide from? Anthony: the author! Anthony: it's too late, i've already seen everything

Anthony: guys for real though Anthony: i totally saw EVERYTHING Anthony: like, ALL her panties Anthony: i saw them JRR Tolkien: Anthony: she was wearing them Tolkien: Anthony: pretty cool, huh?JRR Tolkien: you know i'm just not gonna put any women in my books i think

Anthony: so just imagine if a sexy girl wore panties JRR Tolkien: i can't imagine this GRR Martin: no no he's on to something, i can picture this Brian Jacques: [squeaking] i use a sewn-up maple leaf for underwear!

Anthony: ok now just imagine the panties Anthony: oh boy you guys Anthony: i don't know if i should say it Anthony: it might be too hot GRR Martin: say it! Anthony: ok guys now just imagine Anthony: the panties are  Anthony: pink Anthony: oh ho ho i can't believe i said it!!!

Anthony: so just imagine the perkiest little pink panties you can JRR Tolkien: wait isn't this story for kids? Anthony: oh yeah there's nothing prurient or adult about this Tolkien: ah ok Anthony: these panties are being worn by a virginal 8 year old Tolkien: Anthony: so its fine