Midnight Pals: Interpretive Poetry (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] Helen Joyce: so we're dropping with the "wear whatever you want" line Joyce: from now on, to ensure proper gender conformity, all school boys must dress in like that one meme where the manly sweaty shirtless guys are pushing around a big gear

Joyce: and all school girls must dress in no less than 18 layers of crinoline Joyce: and believe me Joyce: we WILL be counting JK Rowling: [polite clapping] bravo bravo well done Rowling: thatssss capital, great work

Rowling: jusst great Rowling: now for a ssspecial treat john boyne will read an interpretive poem John Boyne: uh uh uh uh Boyne: this for you joanne Boyne: uh uh uh uh Boyne: i hope you like it Boyne: they oughta teach this in school Boyne: it ain't always cool to be cool (what)

Boyne: i do not like you owen jones Boyne: i wish the fash had broke your bones Boyne: now jk rowling, she's really cool Boyne:  she's the bestest terf in all hyrule Boyne: in twitter fights, she'll clean your clock Boyne: and slay you like an octorock

Boyne: JK Rowling, she's alright Boyne: bravely posting through the night Boyne: she's richer than a lottery winner Boyne: and she'll use her wealth to rehab glinner

Boyne: people tell me to log off and i say nay Boyne: i won't do it! not today! Boyne: it's not that i can't, i mean, i'm perfectly able Boyne: me, the writer of the boy in the striped pajamas Boyne: [whispers] a fable

Boyne: by the way, owen jones, my pal, my mate Boyne: maybe i'd take you out on a date Boyne: if you weren't such a mouthy bitch Boyne: Rowling: Boyne: that's it, that's the end Rowling: Rowling: yeah ok that wass Rowling: well Rowling: i liked the part about how i'm great

Boyne: anyway, be sure to buy my new book, the sequel to the boy in the striped pajamas Boyne: [whispers] a fable Boyne: it's an exhaustively researched book all about how a magical jew helped a nazi commandant's son to feel better about himself and also get the triforce

Boyne: anyway the important thing is have we considered the real victims of the holocaust -- the germans who had to feel bad about it? [phone ringing] Boyne: oh shit Boyne: if that's the auschwitz museum, i'm not here