Midnight Pals: Church Ladies (Patreon)

Jessica Leonard: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the church that hates witchesLeonard: so this guy's dad was a lawyer but he gave it all up to be a farmerLeonard: and join a churchLeonard: this guy just really loves church

Leonard: this farmer guy is all "hey i love tilling the soil, i'm gonna do that"Ursula Vernon: right right, tilling the soilVernon: i mean, yeah, you gotta til the soilVernon: real important part of being a farmerVernon: probably the most important part

Leonard: so they join this churchLeonard: but get thisLeonard: it turns out this churchLeonard: is disrespectful to womenAngela Carter: whoaLeonard: i know, right???

Angela Carter: you're telling me this church doesn't respect womens autonomy?Leonard: no! in fact, they're kinda backwards on that issueCarter: wowCarter: wellCarter: i would simply NOT go to that church

Leonard: yeah like this church says women can't be in leadership positionsCarter: WOWCarter: wellCarter: as a strong independent womanCarter: who is also intelligentCarter: i would not be down with thatPatricia Highsmith: yeah i dunno i think they got a point

Carter: oh really patricia? is that soHighsmith: i'm just sayin'Highsmith: you know damesHighsmith: always yak yak yakkin'Highsmith: you want some skirt running a church council?Highsmith: she'll get her damn menses all over the tabernacle

Highsmith: look, i'm just sayin'Highsmith: women ain't there to do heavy thinkin'Highsmith: they're there to make casseroles and look prettyHighsmith: mostly look prettyHighsmith: i mean there ain't nothing like a dame am i right?Carter:Highsmith: the boys know what i'm talkin' aboutEdward Lee: broLee: broLee: you're being kinda problematic broHighsmith: i'm just sayin' what we're all thinkin!

Leonard: so the church ladies are all "we love making casseroles for our men"Leonard: "also i haven't cum in 20 years, i should pray on that"Carter: this is like scary accurate church lady dialogue

Leonard: so the reverend is all "hmm our church ladies are getting too mouthy"Leonard: "what if we sent them to a torture farm for a weekend"Leonard: "ya know, just to scare 'em back in line"Leonard: but that's when these church ladiesLeonard: stop making casserolesLeonard: and start getting real

Leonard: so the women are all "man, this church sucks! it hates women and its obsessed with witches"Leonard: "we should, like, join a different church"