Midnight Pals: The Dorsai (Patreon)

Stephen King: listen guysKing: i'm kinda concerned that those bullies over at clarion west might try to pull somethingKing: so i've hired some security for the campfirePoe: you whatPoe: steve why would you do thatKing: no no trust me on this

King: so i hired the dorsai irregulars as securityPoe: the whatKing: it's a special security force made up of sci fi fansKing: led by robert asprinKing: you'll like him, he's funnyPoe: like piers anthony funny or terry pratchett funnyKing: uhhhKing: 

King: submitted for the approval of the midnight-Robert Asprin: hold upBarker: what is thisRobert Asprin: i am currently assessing thread levelsBarker: steve who is this guyAsprin: SIRAsprin: SIRAsprin: PLEASEAsprin: remain calm

Asprin: sir please step over hereAsprin: i am scanning the area for potential security risksBarker: steve what the fuck is thisKing: oh this is robert asprin, he's doing securityAsprin: scanningAsprin: scanningAsprin:Barker: steve what the-Asprin: SCANNING

Barker: steve what is thisKing: its the dorsai irregulars, a security force made up of sci fi fansBarker: oh yeah? greatBarker: cuz when i think of effective securityBarker: i definitely think of sci fi fansBarker: definitely the guys you want to rely on in a pinch

King: i think you're being unfair cliveKing: i think these guys can probably be pretty professional King: i mean, lookKing: they have matching berets and everythingBarker: oh are their fedoras in the wash

Robert Asprin: sir i have a storyKing: oh is it a scary story?Asprin: sir it is a funny story sirAsprin: it is about a demon from the dimension pervAsprin: making him a perVECTAsprin: not a perVERTKing:Poe:Barker:Koontz:Lovecraft:Asprin: a perVECT, not a perVERTAsprin: that is the joke sirBarker: this fucking sucksAsprin: sir i'm going to need to ask you to step aside sirBarker: what the?! NOAsprin: sir i need to perform an ocular patdownBarker: what the fuck- NO.

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?Asprin: MA'AMAsprin: i will need you to submit to an ocular patdown before i can allow you entry to this campfire perimeterShelley: what the fuckShelley: steve who the fuck is thisBarker: yeah see that's what i was saying

Asprin: MA'AMAsprin: MA'AMAsprin: i cannot allow you to take this weapon into the campfire perimeterKing: oh rob that's just mary, she's coolAsprin: SIRAsprin: i need you step back and let me do my jobKing: but rob-Asprin: SIR

Asprin: ma'am i need you to hand over the weaponShelley: oh you want me to give you my knifeAsprin: yes ma'am i need you to give it to meShelley: yeah i'll give it to youShelley: i'll give it to you alrightShelley: [stabs asprin]

Asprin: man down! man down!Asprin: aughhhhAsprin: and i only got to tell my pervect/pervert joke one time