Midnight Pals: Jail Time (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: you know if labor takess over, they're going to force you to ressspect transss people? Barker: didn't keir starmer just literally throw them under the bus Rowling: Rowling: shut up Rowling: sstop ruining thiss for me!

Rowling: asss i wass sssaying Rowling: itss been reported in the reputable presssss Rowling: that labor isss totally going to do this Rowling: and who are you going to believe? Rowling: ssensssationalissst british tabloidsss or your lyin' eyesss?

Rowling: let me tell you Rowling: if they try to make me resspect a transss perssson Rowling: i would rather go to jail! Rowling: i will go to my execution assss if it wasss my wedding!! Rowling: i am a fearless truth teller!!!!

Rowling: i will go to jail! Rowling: i'll enjoy it! it'll be fun! Rowling: i'll work in the prissson library! Rowling: maybe ferment sssome ketchup behind a radiator! Rowling: maybe get real in the exercise yard Rowling: and a big sswasstika prissson faccce tat

Rowling: they're going to sssend me to prissson!! for misgendering!!! thisss isss going to happen! Mark my wordsss! Rowling: alsssso antifa issss going to murder all the sssmall busssinessss owners tomorrow, i read it on the internet

Rowling: watch, you'll be cowed by my sssolemn and dignified bearing assss they lead me to the gallowsss Rowling: jusst you watch! Poe: King: Koontz: Lovecraft: Barker: Barker: why do you come here anyway Rowling: I HAVE A SSSTOKER!!! I HAVE THE RIGHT!

Rowling: wow, the left hass finally lossst me! [turning a big dial that says "fascism" while looking over her shoulder at the audience for approval]

Barker: like seriously where are you getting this Rowling: i get all my newsss on the transss menace from the mosssst reputable sssource Rowling: the sssinfest webcomic Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eeeey did someone-a say sinfest?

Musk: itsa me, Elon Musk! Musk: i love-a da sinfest! mama mia! itsa like-a mama's marinara [chef's kiss] Musk: i justa get backa from shadow banning da account data make-a funna da sinfest Musk: itta too cutting and incisive!  Musk: it musta be destroyed!

Musk: eeeeey jk rowling Musk: we hava so much in common Musk: we shoulda hang out Rowling: what do we have in common? Musk: well-a Musk: i da richest man in the world, you da richest woman Musk: we botha hate da jews and trans Musk: anna we botha very divorced!

Rowling: hmmm Rowling: how do you feel about free ssspeech Musk: i thinka people shoulda be free to praise me! Rowling: oh my god Rowling: we're like two peasss in a pod!