Midnight Pals: 2 Fisted Tales (Patreon)

Stephen King: hey patricia is it true you used to write comics?Patricia Highsmith: [long cigarette drag]Highsmith: who told you that

King: well, i just heard-Highsmith: was it stan lee?Highsmith: musta been stan leeHighsmith: never met a cat who talked so muchHighsmith: might as well be a dame with all the yap yap yappin

Dean Koontz: wowwwww did you really meet stan lee, patricia?Highsmith: yeahKoontz: wowwww! what was that like?[flashback]Stan Lee: hey there comics fans its me, stan leeLee: how bout a date?Highsmith: no dice

Poe: steveKing: i just thought she'd like to tell us about herPoe: stevePoe: just noPoe: noKing: ok fineBarker: i'm gonna hear the comic storyPoe: CLIVE NO

King: ah but patricia i think we'd all like to hear a comics storyPatricia Highsmith: i ain't gonna tell no comic storyKing: well maybe I can't convince youKing: but I bet I know someone who can!Alan Moore: [appearing in a flash] who dares summon the arch magus?King: the arch magus!Poe: the arch magus!Koontz: the arch magus!

Moore: speak! what boon ask ye of the arch magus?King: hey alan you've worked in comicsKing: how about you tell patricia that comics aren't stupidMoore:Moore: i cannot tell her that

Moore: comics are the bane of my existence! a curse upon them!Highsmith: now this guy, this guy i likeHighsmith: he's got a real noodle in his nogginMoore: the arch magus would do well to hear your counsel, mortalHighsmith: sure, we could jaw a bit

Highsmith: how you feel about snails, archmagus?Moore: be these your familiars?Highsmith: "familiars"Highsmith: listen to this cat

Highsmith: ok fine you mooks wanna hear about my comicsHighsmith: i'll tell yaHighsmith: but only cuz i'm here among brosHighsmith: long as its just dudesHighsmith: cuz these storiesHighsmith: they get a little roughHighsmith: and you know how dames are

Highsmith: so this story's just for us dudesHighsmith: so franzFranz Kafka: what?Highsmith: you gotta goFranz Kafka: huh? what?Kafka: why?Highsmith: you just gotta goKafka: i don't understandBarker: oh my god franz get a cluePoe: clive

Highsmith: submitted for the approval of the midnight palsHighsmith: i call this the tale of the crime puncherHighsmith: it's about this real swole square headed guy who punches criminalsHighsmith: pow! punch! bam!Highsmith: that's what comics are all about

Highsmith: so there're these 2 palookas who fight crimeHighsmith: named steve and ploopieBarker: i'm sorry whatHighsmith: steve and ploopieBarker: steve and WHATHighsmith: what, you got cabbage in your ears? ploopieBarker:Barker: i'm sorry WHAT

Highsmith: anyway steve and ploopie gotta do some punchingBarker: there's a lot of punching in these storiesHighsmith: that's what kids want in comicsBarker: huh sure yeahBarker:Barker: i'm sorry steve and WHATPoe: let it go, clive 

Highsmith: so this world war i playing ace crashes into a polish swampHighsmith: when he dies, it creates a big mud monsterHighsmith: who goes to america to harass some kid for his model air planeBarker: i'm starting to see why you didn't want to tell these storiesPoe: CLIVE

Highsmith: i didn't just do action comics thoHighsmith: i wrote educational ones tooHighsmith: like the two-fisted tales of oliver cromwellHighsmith: or don't mess with galileoHighsmith: or catherine the great takes out the trash

King: why didn't you stick with comics, patricia?Patricia Highsmith: eh you know how the comics biz isKing: but I've heard its actually a growth industryHighsmith: is that soKing: yeah they tell me that there's lots of opportunities in comics for girlsHighsmith: ugh pass