Midnight Pals: Edgy Comedy (Patreon)

Oscar Wilde: [wearing sunglasses & tight black crewneck T, smoking cigarette] hey Poe: new look, oscar?Wilde: that's right, jerkfacePoe: Whoa oscarPoe: that's uncalled forWilde: too bad hockeypuck!!Wilde: i got a whole new actWilde: no one liked my bon motsWilde: so i'm rebrandingWilde: i'm a fearless truth teller now

Wilde: [ripping black tape away from mouth] i'm a fearless truth tellerWilde: i'm sayin' what everyone's thinkin now!Wilde: and you know what they sayWilde: the only thing worse than saying what everyone's thinking is not saying what everyone's thinking

Wilde: this ain't your dad's comedy!Wilde: some of these bon mots might beWilde: a little spicy Wilde: but i'm a comedianWilde: that's my job [giant animated red stamp appears across screen saying 'Too Hot for TV!!']

Wilde: some of these jokes might not be PCWilde: they might make you uncomfortableWilde: they might upset youWilde: they might make you have a really bad timeWilde: but that's what comedy is all aboutWilde: just absolutely not enjoying yourselfWilde: and feeling real badWilde: but seriously folksWilde: how about that marginalized group? [rimshot]Wilde: they sure are bad! [rimshot]Poe: oh noBarker: oh noKing: oh noKoontz: oh noLovecraft: no wait let's hear this out

Poe: oh oscarPoe: oh oscar you're better than thisPoe: what happened to youPoe: you were the wittiest man in europePoe: and now you're doing this?

Wilde: look this is what people want to hearWilde: and i am a fearless truth teller telling people the hard truths that they really desperately want to hearLovecraft: do you have jokes about italians?Lovecraft: they've had it too good too long

Wilde: whoa if you came here for jokes about italians you came to the wrong comedy showWilde: those garlic eating spaghetti eatersPoe: oscarPoe: oscar this is beneath youLovecraft: ha ha! i don't what the problem is, he's killing up there!

Wilde: here's a joke the PC police don't want you to hearWilde: italians Dario Argento:Mario Bava:Lucio Fulci:Wilde: tough crowdWilde: don't worry oscar, you still got your aceWilde: oh did i offend you? did i offend you? are you offended by my fearless truth telling?

Wilde: as a comedian, it's my job to tell truth to powerBarker: your job is to be funny!Wilde: my bon mots actually have layers of meaning, if you think about itBarker: try being funny!Wilde: i..i..

Wilde: oh  god what am i doingWilde: what have i becomeWilde: it's not me! none of this is me!Wilde: it's this damn shirt! [tearing off tight black crewneck T]Wilde: this damn shirt got inside my head, man!

Wilde: i never wanted to be like this!Wilde: i don't have what it takes to be edgy!Wilde: i'm just a lousy pundit who punctures staid victorian mores with my trenchent bon mots and fucks dudes!!Poe: well that's all still kind of edgyPoe: in a different wayWilde: whatWilde: really?Poe: yes oscarPoe: turns out you were edgy this whole timePoe: and you didn't have to change a thing

Wilde: white people drive like this, but black people drive like thisArthur Machen: white people?Wilde: no no not like THOSE white peopleWilde: i mean likeWilde: white people

Koontz: gosh what's happening?Koontz: is there a different kind of white people?Machen: oh you wouldn't get it, deanMachen: i'm talking some real Lebor Gabála Érenn hoursTodd Keisling: oh yeah i know this from that horslips album