Midnight Pals: Oklahoma Fursecution (Patreon)

Franz Kafka: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the guy who turned into a cockroachSteven Boyett: god i wish we were in oklahomaBoyett: they wouldn't tolerate this degeneracyBoyett: this perversityBoyett: thisBoyett: this furversion

Poe: what? what's happening in oklahoma?Boyett: oh haven't you heard?Boyett: the good patriots of oklahoma are gonna make furries illegal

Boyett: furries will be illegal in oklahoma!Boyett: any kid caught pretending to be an animal will be arrested by animal control!Boyett: this is the greatest day of my life!Boyett: at least since the something awful lolocaust!Boyett: yiff in hell, skunkfuckers!!

Boyett: we'll finally be free of the scourge of furry!Boyett: no more big titty vixens! Boyett: no more twink rabbits!Boyett: no more comics where a ditzy genie accidentally misinterprets your wish and turns you into a sexy horse girl!Boyett: and no more fucking protogens!!!

Poe: steve i don't think this law is going to passPoe: it sounds like another long shot power grab capitalizing on a moral panicBoyett: shut up!Boyett: shut up!!!Frank Belknap Long: [arriving, breathless] friends i have terrible bone-chilling newsPoe: we already heard, frank

Long: this is blatant fursecutionBarker: haha sure iBarker: wait a secondBarker: wow, he'sBarker: he's rightBarker: jesus christ i can't believe he's rightBarker: they finally did itBarker: they made fursecution real

Long: this can't be allowed to stand!Long: this fursecution won't just affect meLong: but every protogen, every sergal, every chakatLong: it's a real problem!!

Boyett: furry will be illegal!Boyett: that means none of this tf bullshit, franz!!Kafka: b-butLong: now steve everyone knows that cockroaches don't countBoyett: yes they fucking do!Boyett: it's still anthro!

Long: no noLong: it's not furry unless it's hotBoyett: what theLong: that's just scienceBarker: yeah that scans

Poe: what's this all about?Barker: they crossed the book-banning moral panic with the anti-trans moral panicBarker: to declare war on the limitless reaches of a child's imaginationPoe: do you think joanne knowsBarker: oh i'm sure she's keeping her ear to the ground

[mysterious circle of robed figures]JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: what newsss from americaAllison Bailey: great news dark lord!Bailey: oklahoma is going to ban furriesRowling: good, good-Rowling: i mean waitRowling: what?

Rowling: foolsss!!! blundering nincompoopsss!!Rowling: we've tried the furry moral panic beforeRowling: like literally 5 timesssRowling: that dog won't hunt!!

Bailey: oh but this timeBailey: this time will be different, dark lord!Rowling: no it won't!Rowling: not even americanss will fall for that litter box sscam!

Bailey: our terf deatheaters had so much success outlawing trans kidsBailey: we thought we'd extend the moral panic to furries tooBailey: this time, we can't fail!Rowling: see that you don't!Rowling: we must win the war against the limitless reaches of a child's imagination!!

Rowling: and thenRowling: when imagination iss illegalRowling: when playing pretend is bannedRowling: when whimsssy is prohibitedRowling: the children will have to turn to the one form of entertainment ssstill legal!Rowling: Hogwart'sss Legacy!!!