Midnight Pals: Spicy (Patreon)

JD Barker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the bad appJD Barker: it's a spicy story about an app that you download on your phoneJD Barker: but this appJD Barker: is a littleJD Barker: spicy

JD Barker: boy let me tell youJD Barker: it's tough to get word out about a new book these daysKing: tell me about it!King: i keep posting but nothing's making a dent!King: there's got to be a better way!JD Barker: there is!

JD Barker: i've got a fool proof way to generate publicity for a bookKing: oh? well, don't just stand there -- tell us!JD Barker: ok, you guys ready for this?JD Barker: might want to get a pen ready to write this downJD Barker: cuz this is gonna beJD Barker: a little spicy

Clive Barker: hey before you say anything, i just wanna remind everyone i am a different personClive Barker: just really feelin' the need to get out in front and say that

JD Barker: so here's my ideaJD Barker: you get booktok influencers to take off their clothesKing:Poe:Lovecraft:Clive Barker:Koontz:JD Barker: cuz this book is SPICY!

Koontz: [writing down] "you get booktok influ-"Poe: no no deanPoe: don't write that downKoontz: but he saidPoe: it's ok dean just shhPoe: don't worry about it

Angela Carter: you're going to -- !!!Carter: wowCarter: of all the blatantly misogynisticCarter: exploitativeJD Barker: [tugging collar] uh oh!Carter: predatoryCarter: sexistJD Barker: [tugging intensifies]

JD Barker: or you could get them to do a video answering the question "what's the craziest place you ever had sex?"JD Barker: any questions?Mary Shelley: hey i got SEVERAL fuckin questionsJD Barker: [tugging collar] uh oh!Shelley: you say you're paying for this?Angela Carter: mary, noShelley: shut up this is easy money

JD Barker: oh yeah, we're gonna pay the big bucks to get spicyJD Barker: like, maybe $100Mary Shelley: oh fuck off

JD Barker: wow listen turns out there's been a little mistakeJD Barker: a real whoopsie doodleJD Barker: you're gonna laughCarter: yeah? try meJD Barker: ha ha JD Barker: [tugging collar] ohhh

JD Barker: this was all just a misunderstandingJD Barker: see, this wasn't my ideaJD Barker: it was the PR firm i hiredCarter: then guess i need to talk to the head of that firm JD Barker: [collar tugging intensifies]

JD Barker: [wearing hot dog suit] look we're all just trying to find out who did this