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D&D Court: Bonus Cases - Puzzling Puzzles and Sword Slot Machines (Patreon)

Published:
2026-01-30 20:53:10
Edited:
2026-01-31 01:42:35
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Downloads

Content

UPDATE: Ama C's Croissant Dissertation PDF is now attached below! Dungeon Court is still in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, along with Bailiff Jake, as they pass judgement on your trials at the table!

CREDITS:

Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

Files

Comments

Papí

I forgot how fucking hard they trolled Murph about the croissants. Had to go back and relisten for a good laugh

Emily Noye

Thank you for judging my puzzle case 🙏 I will spritz my dm the next time I see him

Doctor Ransom

Love Dog-Blessed Emily and her dying on the hill of the Croissant-Pillow Theory. We will have to rename it “being croissant pilled” from now on.

Nicholas hunn

FYI the N at the end of the 7233 N means Newtons. This is the international SI unit for force equal to about .2248 pounds of force.

SirBungus

I love when the episodes devolve into ragebaiting Murph

Mortimer Lunch

Rare W for justice Murphy on the croissant debate. Can’t believe I’m forced to agree with a city pigeon. Smh

Stig

Please release the Auma report. These conclusions stink to high hell.

Baron Bullywug

To the player with the sword machine, I feel your pain. I once came up with a gimmick for a spelljammer campaign called EvoBeenz, which was 100 different flavors of jellybean that all had different minor to major temporary mechanical effects when you ate one built around gaining animal attributes. I introduced them via a vending machine on a spaceship and gave, in retrospect, too vague a description of the items. My players went "ok" and completely ignored it. Hours and hours of prep for that gone down the tube.

Bryce Peterson

There’s gotta be a strong correlation between people with ADHD and being bad at chess. Not saying I’m smart or dumb, but I genuinely don’t think I’ve won a single game of chess in my whole life.

nvsblty

"this is my right wing moment" was wild lmao

Emily Noye

it was like two hours of puzzling with 6 of us. Also, I lost chess, and my character died because of it.

Cory Wyse

Regarding the villain origin story verdict, I fear the justices have forgotten the Yugo precedent.

StarsPaw-Pawn

Another pitch for the swords: swords are now flying swords, party’s gotta fight ‘em à la Monster Madness

Ryan Higgins

Sorry to blasphemy...are all your play dice balanced scientifically?

StarsPaw-Pawn

Ok but I’m gonna need confirmation that Amma’s physics were based on FRESH croissants, not toasted

Katherine

I deeply needed the dissertation

Hahnzo

I still agree with Emily regarding croissant drop.

Thomas Sullivan

I can’t believe we got the croissant files before the Epstein files

Kris ✌️

Leading Scientist Ama in Croissant research!!! Amazing I love it here

Noah Mercury

I wasn't ready for Emily's hard right wing turn on behalf of croissants

Blinkdog-182

Sorry Murph I actually did just try this and it was exactly like a pillow

Ten of Swords

Ama is a treasure. (As are all of y’all as well.).

Jude Bialik

Alternative idea for the potentially unevenly weighted die from the first case: save it for special “all-or-nothing” occasions.

e.

Patreon needs a dislike button lol

Kellyd

I thought conservatives were against censorship and safe spaces, weird. You being more upset about conservative shit-talking than you are about how the conservatives in charge are as we speak systematically dismantling every American value is exactly why we're shit-talking you btw This is their podcast that no one's forcing you to listen to and you should know that

Bryce Peterson

Your comment will probably be perceived negatively, but your point is heard.

Nolan Pavelich

This is a great point, thank you. Yes, obviously Christians and conservatives consistently use their institutional power to be as evil and cruel as possible to anyone more vulnerable than them, that’s a given. But that’s no excuse to mildly talk shit about them on a podcast!

Alexander Gillis

All that was said apparently was right wing doesn't care about actual facts. I don't see any shit thrown just facts stated

Jeremy

I would like to note that while Ama's calculations are quite excellent. She does note that you will be subjected to up to 8-11Gs of force for at least a second which is comparable to air force pilots enacting emergency measures. For the untrained person this will almost certainly result in passing out as well as possible hemmoragic damage. You have a........positive chance of survivial as Ama writes, but you will effectively experience a bad car crash.

Jameen Blizzard

I just imagine when you crash to the bottom of the croissant pit the remaining croissants would then fall on top of you so you’d be 40’ deep under like 1000 croissants, that’s gotta be over 100 lbs if they’re each at least 2 oz. I think you land snap your legs and then get pinned under the weight of the remaining croissants and slowly get crushed to death

Little Cheese Confettis

Can you provide the specific instance where they’re shitting on conservatives and Christians? Cause what I listened to is Emily shared a story about getting baptized and later made fun of flat-Earthers. If you’re taking that as conservatives and Christians are being made fun of, maybe it’s time to do some reflection on your own?

Neil Dutton

This is only valid if they tried to eat all the pieces.

Li I

I’m imagining the circles of souls in Hades 2 that appear on the ground to pull you downwards, but with so many croissants.

Cliftonshire Pennywhistle

Ya know the scene in the princess bride when she jumps from the window and flutters in the night sky before landing delicately in Andre the Giants arms. That princess is Emily and Andre the giant is croissants

Geraint

Guys, there's SO many croissants

Luke B

Ok, now making a warlock with a bag of devouring as a patreon

Samuel Gray

RE: having other games in your game - In my last session I got a children’s jigsaw from a charity shop and wrote a message on the back, and then had them use an action for 30s with the puzzle while an air elemental tried to get them away from the puzzle. They loved it. my players also love when I incorporate elements of “dread”, where you use a jenga tower and ask them to pull multiple pieces if they mess up.

StarsPaw-Pawn

Hi there— I absolutely agree that the world has nuance. I’m in Minneapolis, and the Christian clergy have been showing UP! Many people are out in the streets because of their Christian beliefs— Renee Good is just one example. Many people who identify as conservatives are also speaking out against MAGA and the state’s choice to terrorize my entire state. At the same time, I would really encourage you to direct your frustration towards people *doing* the harm in Christian and conservative communities, rather than people reacting to that harm. I’m not saying that you aren’t speaking out in those spaces, because I of course don’t know anything about you beyond this comment. If you are, I imagine it might feel really lonely to be trying to make a difference in those communities, and to still feel rejected. And, I think that’s an opportunity for introspection. Of course not all Christians, just like of course “not all men.” That doesn’t mean there isn’t a very real problem with male violence against women, and a lot of the heavy lifting to make change needs to happen with men talking to other men.

Debra Wasson

Would not have my players complete a 1k piece puzzle but just want to say my dad and I did the 1k Eldermourne puzzle over our 3 day weekend last week. That was fun

Ellie P

I want the sword art insta!! Please share submitter!

A. Lee. S

My corgi LOVES when we spray water in her face. She also likes when we kick snow at her and demands it at every walk. 😅

A. Lee. S

What I learned: If orca tank of croissants - Emily wins but also some splat must be accepted. If less than orca tank of croissants, Murph wins.

Hugo Wull

I’ll believe that there are good conservatives when the R’s in congress put a stop to to the MAGA agenda. At time of writing they are full-on fascist collaborators.

Nina

petion for Emily to trust fall into a bed of croissants to prove her faith 🙏

Fiver

Is there a specific thing that they said against all conservatives or Christians that was untrue and insulting?

tre blessing

we're back at square one. now we need powerpoints from a rabbi, a priest, a pastor, and Baba Yaga

austinoxner

You have to pay $5 a month for spell slots but if you bump up to the Council of Eldritch, you get incantations every quarter.

Zoop

Just imagine every love your comment got as a dislike the og comment would have received lol

Verdigree

I think the only fair solution is for the swords to pass to a collective of 31 swordmasters wrecking shop with the 31 Frostmournes and Excaluburs the players foolishly rejected, with the wielder of the cactus sword ascending to near-godhood, like in Adventure Time, the cursed Blade of Grass was kind of infinitely strong, and you say this was your planned story all along

Verdigree

I guess in Emily's version of the situation, she would be fine until she fell off the edge of the world as the croissant-ocean pours into space

Marc Bollinger

Just want to throw out a concept for the bench to shout "TRADEMARK! TRADEMARK!" at, if it passes muster for their disciplinary needs. The kNadd-Sack. The K and all subsequent praise for my genius is silent.

Just_another_queer

Math teachers can now use the great croissant debate when kids ask but when will I ever need this

Jeffrey Steck, Lord of the Fjord

Ok say you don’t die from impact. Now you die of asphyxiation from not enough breathable air as you try in vain to emerge from 44 ft deep in croissants. Murph still wins.

Nathaniel F

Really? Maybe a question you should ask yourself.

Tom Fuller

Murph needs to take that L - if the croissants were just poured in without shaking and settling, then a packing efficiency of approx 0.5 would be expected - so we are in definitely in the hurt but not broken realm.

Ken

In regards to the slot machine case. I had in my campaign a literal mini claw machine for players to use to get magic items gacha game style almost. The difference was that I told them the odds of what is in there, including up to an artifact rarity item. The price, 300gp. All of my players were foaming at the mouth to play the claw machine whenever they had the money for it.

Kellyd

Brother if you've listened to 8 years worth of content of this show and didn't know where they stood already I'm afraid your brain rot diagnosis is critical

Harry Frost

I feel like there's an underlying assumption of a feet first jump. Surely it's a trust fall style flop on the back, increasing surface area? Though there would be a lot of crumbs airborne come to think of it. Breathing apparatus?

Kellyd

Oops, yeah, posting a threat is definitely a symptom of brain rot :(

Professor Pratt

Tell me I’m not gonna say dog bless you when someone sneezes. Love!!!

Kellyd

Yet only one of us was so impacted by a mild joke on a comedy podcast we choose to pay for that we felt the need to insult the creator and make misogynistic threats to strangers. Maybe getting an extra hug in your childhood would have helped your development

katie potato

I truly believe that Newton (of the tiny N) would LOVE the croissant Tartarus and honor the physicists defending it

Nathaniel Walston

Emily needs to roll a croissant-witch; a warlock with a candy kingdom esque benevolent croissant deity

Chris Swank

Gonna plug the temple of 1,000 swords adventure by Brad Kerr because the first case reminded me of it so much. My players loved the God of Swords and it ended up derailing my campaign in the best way.

Leomund's Tiny Nut

Sunk dice fallacy deserves an award and you, his truest friends and business partners didn't even chuckle... am I wrong?

Sven

Murph gracefully taking that lower case croissant shaped "L"

TheGlassBook

Sword Slot machine? No, how about a claw machine!

Jen M

Show us the swords!!! ⚔️

Angus Hines

Crazy that Murphy is sticking by his guys despite all the science saying otherwise

Kaidan C

I don’t know, I think those players just sound boring The sword slot machine is extremely cool I introduced something similar, except you would trade your weapon for a completely randomized one. Maybe you’d trade your long sword and end up with a heavy adamantine rapier with cold damage My players all loved it and had so much fun rolling the dice, and that was just for random weapons! Never mind carefully crafted ones. Nah, these players are dorks Also to rebut Murph “would you trade the sword your father gave you for-“ yes, yes they would. I’ve yet to meet a single player who gets sentimental when you offer them a better weapon. “My Grampa’s blade was handed down by- wait is that a +2 glaive? Never mind, does anyone wanna buy this sword I don’t need anymore?” Also “I wouldn’t participate either” I guarantee Caldwell puts a random sword vending machine in a game Jens uses it immediately

Nikki Michelle

Wow, Emily PERFECTLY summarized my feelings about chess!

Mr. Dude Sky

Murph you gotta take the big L now. Science is not on your side man.

Lauren

I so badly want to let them know that N stands for newtons!!

ThacoIsWacko

Want to check the balance of your (plastic) die? Make some SUPER salty water. Drop die in. Make sure there's enough salt to allow it to float. Tap the die and see what number is on top when it settles. Do it again a few times. Off-balance dice will consistently have the same face, face-up.

ThacoIsWacko

The N for the croissants is Newtons. Want to convert Newtons to pounds? Let's ask my chemist buddy: "F = m·a = kg·m·s^-2 = N Where: m = 100 lbs a = 9.8 m·s^-2 kg·m·s^-2 × (2.20462 lbs / 1 kg) = lbs·m·s^-2 lbs·m·s^-2 × (0.3048 m / 1 ft) = lbs·ft·s^-2 Putting it all together, just take your force in N, and multiply it by 0.6720 and it will give you what you need." This is from a question I asked him WAAYYY back. I was trying to calculate the effective weight of a 100lb boulder, dropped from 100ft up. I didn't know how to convert Newtons to pounds. This was his response.

Matthew Sands

With regards to swarms, if taking play options that slow down the flow, it is imperative that you take steps to streamline the experience, just like if you are using missile carriers in Battletech, horde armies in Warhammer properties, or playing Star Fleet Battles at all. Whether that takes the form of Murph's big chart of prerolls, a dice roller with macros ready and fast fingers, multi compartment dice shakers with everything preloaded, or some other option is between you and your table. But if you don't make a good faith effort it will likely very rapidly no longer be your table.

Noah Smith

My brother in Christ how did you find yourself in the patreon of this podcast years into this show and be triggered by a right-wing ignoring facts joke

spike mccue

Caldwell (or anyone else) if you want to play some gambits come to the Los Feliz Chess Club! Sundays at Trails Cafe in Griffith Park, 130-4ish.

dianne mcneill

From Miles WM If the puzzle/chess move was for a club called geekout, I'm afraid that might have been me :/ , in which case the read that life was busy and I didn't want to cancel, that read is correct. In the case that someone else also pulled that move, good on you great minds think alike.

dianne mcneill

From Miles WM: I don't think murph knows what terminal velocity is. I don't think anyone on the crew does, but murph especially.

Luke B

It takes 1500 feet to reach terminal velocity from a belly down falling position of an average human (assuming no wind or other bs). Not even Emily could fall that far without a small ankle sprain.

thequeercat

I want the math on if someone tries to roll in the rolls upon impact. Assuming the calculation was done based on a person falling limply into the croissant pool

Sami Kerwin

emily ragebaiting murph by doubling down is always my favorite

Blubread00

We are forgetting the David Blane cardboard box precedent

Kevin

If you haven't tried them yet, buy stone dice. They feel heavier but not too heavy, and unlike metal they still roll and make a nice sound when rolled.

Martian

I support women's rights and wrongs so I continue to support Emily's croissant cushion take. What I'm gonna take some Italian dude named Newton's word that inertia is a thing? To hell with classical mechanics, I choose whimsy!

electric gnu

In defense of the Other Games DM, I ran a similar session of Call of Cthulhu where the party infiltrated an underground fighting ring but because of a few factors (not everyone could make it that week and I didn't have a lot prepared) I decided to boot up a few fighting games so that the players could play out the undercard matches on their own. I did this mostly to hang out with my friends and pad for time a little, but I also incorporated game elements into it like letting my friends gamble on the outcomes and did a little roleplay myself in the main event - I played my friend in a game I was good at and intentionally threw the fight to lead into an investigation of a crime ring that was blackmailing the top fighter to take a dive. We had a ton of fun with that, so I guess my advice would be to directly incorporate the minigame into the main game (and have 7-8 different fighting games on your playstation so your friends can fuck around) and make sure the transition from main game to minigame is smooth because that was one of my favorite sessions I've ever ran and I think the execution was botched in the plaintiff's case rather than it being a bad idea from the outset.

Blue Bee

The conjure animals story is exactly why that spell doesn't do that anymore in the new rules LOL

Matt L

What if the slot machine was gambling what sword you are allowed to buy but whether you buy it or not is optional

Jonathan Blight

Even if you survive the fall, there's no way you're crawling out of 44 feet worth of croissants above you without suffocating and dying especially with broken legs.

Justin Lust

I forgot it was a reference to a previous episode - I heard 'pitta croissant' and was super intrigued as to how that particular bread product would work and taste!

Matthew Lee

Thanks for taking my dice Christ confessional at the end. I think I'm going to talk to my DM and change it to remove croissants instead of receive curse.

Josh Marshall

I incorporated a puzzle into one of my games and it was pretty cool. The door magically fell to pieces behind them and they had to solve it while fending off waves of zombies. (I home-brewed some mechanics so they could speed-solve in increments IRL during in-game combat). Very fun and memorable but wow, took forever (and that was only 100 pieces!).

Tim

Re: the sword slot machine. I love this idea! One other thing to help your players want to be involved might be to assure them that the swords will transform into something other than a sword, like a mace, warhammer or a staff. They could even transform into brass knuckles. I once included a sun sword in a game and no one wanted it, so I modified it for my pugilist player and made them the “Sun Knucks”. Used them the whole campaign.

NoShitSherlock

For the weighting of die, have it float in heavily salted water, spin it in the water and if it has the same number/numbers facing up each time then it's weighted heavier on the other side to roll the number on the die (if 20 facing up then the 1 is heavier)

Sam H

Apologies if this has been said re: sword slot machine. 1. Agree with the court- show off your work, let your players see how talented you are. You earned it 2. Let them see all the options, then pay to do the slot machine (say, 5gp). 3. If they don't get the sword they want, let them buy it at a discount (normal is say 200, they get it for 125). Major incentive to take a chance AND to buy a sword even if they don't get the one they want on a spin.

Obed Pacheco

On the druid horde combat; yeah, the DM should definitely step in and decide on how the druid should be dealing with their horde. This is actually why 5.5 changed pretty much all of the Conjure spells to be an aura/emanation (don't know why the changed that word lol/smh). But if they don't want to use the new spells/D&D 5.5, use some form of digital dice roller for this. Save the rolls for your go-to animals, just tap/click the roll X times to attack, then click/tap Y times to roll damage.

Blue Bee

I'm still mad about the 100 price on the slot machine that's literally nothing, you get 1000s of gold by the time you're in tier 2 of play

Mike

For the Druid wasting 30 minutes every turn, just assign the other players control over the various creatures!

compost babie

Commenting on an old post but my childhood cats were also named Merlin and Lancelot ☺️ s/o Ama

Scruggzi

Emily Axford the world's most glorious troll, you deserve an infinity pool of croissants filled with a selection of the finest jams.

Mairead Like Parade

Big ups to Ama C that presentation was awesome and reminded me why I love dumb physics