Ailana’s Journal — 2025-12-21 (Patreon)

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GOOD MORNING

I’m on a beach for sunrise. Not my normal beach! I’m at Carambola Beach Resort in St. Croix with the rest of the gang, and we’ll be here until after New Year’s Day.

Everyone got here yesterday, and Sasha and Clay hosted us for dinner. The resort had a few snacks and instant-breakfast items in welcome baskets, but at the top of today’s list is to stock up!

But right now, not so much.

There are a lot of waves that I need to watch, and my coffee is just now at that perfect temperature. I’ll do this for a while.

I’ll check in later, so see you then!

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STOCKING UP

Hello again from St. Croix! The cart is getting full, but the list is still long… we’ll get it all in.

I’m not gonna lie—leaving the beach to go shopping felt like a betrayal! All this way to end up in a grocery store?

While I’m griping, I’ll add that this dress seemed like a good idea when I saw it on Amazon. After putting it on, I had second thoughts, so I got Jason’s opinion.

“Be totally honest. What do you think about the dress?”

Jason, being a smart man, played it safe. “It’s cute. What do you think?”

“I think it looks like a pillow case with added elastic.”

Jason barely agreed, using the word “still” very strategically.

He said, “It’s still cute.”

I take that to mean he agrees with my pillow case claim.

Honestly, I’m surprised by how comfortable it is!

So, we’re going to get the rest of the things on the list and get out of here. We’ll divide things up between the three cottages.

For my good night post, I’m thinking back to the beach. See you there?

GOOD NIGHT

Jason and I have been talking as we watched the waves and the descent of the sun. Geoni must have seen us—she came down with coffee, thanked us for the grocery run, and told us to come by later for snacks.

I tried to go back to our conversation when we were at Denny’s before the jeans photo shoot. “Our discussion got derailed by Naomi…”

“A little…” He looked at me, smiling. “We said what we needed to say.”

“So, you see a starting line in the future?”

He nodded. “I’m trying to decide when I knew that’s where we were heading. I’m really wondering if… during the drift years, was I hoping for this?”

I sipped my coffee. “You know I regret losing touch. When you went to Venezuela on the mission trip… I went full speed into modeling…”

“I should have reconnected when I got back. But we can’t go back.”

“Just forward,” I said. “Together.”

“Look,” Jason said, “we’re walking forward with a starting line in mind, but I know you’re still getting your head around the fact that what you saw in your mother isn’t normal, and that you won’t be like that.”

I nodded and looked down.

“So,” Jason said, “don’t get nervous about the timing. I’m not gonna pull a cliché and whip out a ring for Christmas or New Year’s. I really think you’d say ‘yes,’ but you’d be scared. And you’d still be trying to convince yourself it’s time.”

His words washed over me like one of those waves behind us. He was right. And the fact that he understood that relieved me of a lot of tension I didn’t even know I had pent up.

“Okay…” I finally said. “No cliches this year?”

“Right.”

I dared not say it. I’m not sure I’d be ready for it. As I think about saying it, it sounds like a nightmare. But clichés don’t end on New Year’s Eve. There’s always Valentine’s Day, and that’s not this year, is it?

Honestly, Jason’s not a cliche kind of guy, so, I’m not going to worry about February! Knowing him, it will be some random Tuesday sitting at Denny’s.

Good night.

Be your best you!

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