Sex Tip Tuesday (Patreon)

Sexual desire isn’t always the thing that comes before arousal.

Sometimes, desire shows up after you start feeling connected, relaxed, curious, or physically turned on. Researchers describe this as responsive desire.

So if you’re thinking, “I’m not in the mood, so I guess I’m not interested,” you might be missing part of the picture.

Try this instead: take the pressure off needing to want sex right away. Start with something that feels good and see what happens. A kiss. A cuddle. A massage. Flirting. A little playful touch. Maybe that's all you're in the mood for and that's totally ok too.

And if desire doesn’t show up? That’s information too. You never have to push past a genuine “no.”

Research on sexual desire supports the idea that desire is influenced by biological, psychological, relational, and cultural factors, and that responsive desire can be a real part of sexual experience.