Weekly Update: I am Angela's Broken Heart (Patreon)

I don't know to describe what I'm feeling right now other than heartbroken.

I haven't gone through a break-up or anything like that, I actually haven't had a romantic life since... February? That's just not something happening for me right now and maybe it never will. I think I've nearly completely accepted it's my role in life to give my best to people and get nothing in return. That's sounds very dramatic but given how alienated I feel right now, it makes sense.

Perhaps I'm heartbroken by life? Nothing seems to fulfill me and the things that do throw me away and here I am, suffocatingly sad for no clear reason.

Anyway, typical emo bullshit over here in the mind of Angela.

This week I went to California with my brother and nephew. I spent too much money on them because I just want to make them happy and I don't know how else to do that. Otherwise, I had fun and I finally got some sleep; it's amazing what simply having people around does for my sleeping ability.

We spent an afternoon/evening going through shops in West Hollywood and then the next two days at Six Flags Magic Mountain and Hurricane Harbor. 

This was my nephew's first visit to Magic Mountain. Although he is only 8, he is already 5 foot tall and could ride all the rides, which he did! I was worried he'd be a little bit of a scaredy cat like my brother but he wasn't at all!

I got sick at the end of the day at Magic Mountain. It was due to a combination of not eating enough, a full day in the heat, and a ride on Tatsu that led to me projectile vomiting until I blacked-out and EMTs were called. Go me.

I also got to see Smashing Pumpkins this week. They were touring with most of the original lineup for the first time in almost 20 years and it was FUCKING AMAZING. I've been to festivals and small shows but this was the first time I saw an "arena" show and I totally get it now; I can't imagine a better way to experience this band's music. Smashing Pumpkins have been my favorite band since I was 8 years old and this show was a dream come true.

Unfortunately, after the show, I managed to lose my car key and cannot fucking find it. Five hours searching and $130 later, I have a new key and I'm super bitter about it.

My one romantic interest completely ghosts me fairly regularly and I'm pretty sure I caught him in a lie so I'm kind of over it. I miss Kolton a lot although I'll probably never get over how he treated me so any attempt at reconciliation is probably useless. It still hurts though and it's hard not to message him; I really miss having someone interested in talking to me all the time that could keep up with me, even if they were using me. I'm not sure if I make it so people feel like using me is all I have to offer or I really have nothing people want. Maybe it wouldn't be this way if I was prettier.

So there you go, that's what's going on with me (minus my normal 50 hours a week of work at the club).