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A Real Hole In The Wall (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-07 02:08:58
Imported:
2026-06

Content

this took so long to draw

Files

Comments

chili sunrise

Good morning, how are you? I’m doctor crab

Robin

She’s not a real doctor, but she is a real crab.

Argus

Martin as the perfect straight man continues to amuse me.

Dan Curtis

I now see why the bottom of their lab coat is stained if this is their normal means of travel.

Michael Boettger

You can feel Marten's crest falling. And its probably supermarket brand pre-ground.

Miyaa

So now we know Cubetown is ready for Coffee of Doom’s first international expansion.

M.

And now I have the tune stuck in my head...

Matt Grayson

Was actually expecting a trilobite. They've only been extinct for 250 million years...

Captain Button

Wait, ha Marten been lured by a ruse to their lair? Complete with Robo-dino guardian?

Andrew

Panel 5 can only be a Dianoga.

Lee McDonough

Amazing panels. I like this lab lady. Indeed the stained lab coat is a good touch

KingAtticus

But Marten! It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!

Captain Button

Assuming they are still in the 20th century here. Maybe that safe door yesterday was a time portal.

Jennifer Doyle

She didn't spend 5 years getting a PhD in philosophy only to be called Mx. Crab

SilverbackRon

A robot dinosaur skull that sings Les Mis... but of course!

Shey

I will never not hear les miz automatically in French in my head

James Dominguez

I think Girl Genius has a patent on those.

James Dominguez

I don't even drink coffee and even I felt Marten's disappointment.

Breadless Wonder

Harsh. I mean, drip? edit: now I want coffee. But not drip.

tagno25

Is Coffee of Doom going to expand and have a branch in Cubetown?

mammalsounds

....is this all a setup for Coffee of Doom to relocate to Cubetown and reap a harvest of newfound bean-worshippers?

Leaflemming

The first step in the entire cast's relocation to Canada.

Crushogre

She is an actual crab

mammalsounds

Also the stained too-big labcoat is giving me heavy JNCO flashbacks.

Wynn Donivan

doctor crab? That's a strange name for a singing animatronic T-Rex skull

Kelly Trop

She lives like a crab

Todd Ellner

they call him zero, kinsey zero

Argus

Okay that’s hilarious but not *exactly* the kind of straight man I meant.

Shawn K. Younkin

There used to be a hole here... It's gone now...

Todd Ellner

the place is run by sparks. i am sure house heterodyne takes an interest

James Redekop

She's not a real doctor, but she is a real crab.

Matt Grayson

I binge read Girl Genius but stopped at a few years ago. I should really finish it. It's mindbogglingly good.

Katrina Urmson

Aaaaaand the pot looks suspiciously empty…. :P She’s still awesome.

fluffy

This finally broke my suspension of disbelief. How can an island full of ADHD cloudcuckoolander scientists not have ALL the coffee, prepared in as many increasingly-implausible ways as anyone could imagine?

Matt Grayson

There *is* good drip. But that's probably not it.

ValdVin

Do you really want to see what Marten has to go thru for vacuum/siphon coffee or espresso? (Well, I do.)

ValdVin

How do we know a trilobite didn't grab Marten's foot?

MikeT

DO YOU HERE THE PEOPLE SIIIIIING

Matt Grayson

From the look of the place, I think he was grabbed by a Death Star trash compactor snake monster.

Dean Reilly

She likes to play the drums

Jill

What are the odds Raven's modified espressosaur warps up in some point to rescue Martin?

MikeT

I am Jean Wolverine!

Jeff

Plot twist - “doctor crab” is just a nickname from her colleagues. she’s actually got a Ph.D in Behavioral Marketing

Sparky

Reminds me of running three Mister Coffees at NASA

Sean Kinlin

They probably all viciously guard their own coffee hoard with high security. Marten would never get to those supplies without at least 2 rogues in his party.

JCfromNC

@Matt Grayson Oh, the current side story is awesome. Franz Scorchmaw, the dragon of Mechanicsburg, has been persuaded to leave town to investigate the hoard of a dragon that's possibly dead. If you read far enough to see Humungulous ("Dost Thou Even Lyft?"), he's part of the group going out.

Mitch Megaw

This character is too fleshed out. If they don’t move, are we getting a spin off?

Sean Kinlin

Fortunately they made sure to stay on target.

Bartley J Drood

As I was reading this, I was hoping she's some kind of off-the-grid person living undetected by the Cubetown AIs and that she's covertly trying to get to the brains behind Cubetown's secret plot to take over the world; that Cubetown is QC's SkyNet. But then that might mean Marten is John Connor, which would mean Pintsize is Terminator...and then I got all confused and just stopped thinking about it.

Matt Grayson

Hah! I'll check it out. Thanks you!

Miyaa

If Pintsize can morph into any human shape or occupation, we are all doomed and giving him a human chassis was a huge mistake.

Sean Kinlin

In Cubetown, coffee drinks you.

MikeT

Memewhile, we flick back to Faye, who is currently feeling somewhat les miserables...

Carl Fink

I like the all-seeing eye of Providence on the drip coffee machine.

Populuxe

I love Goblin Scientist, but we have an unresolved thread that is being completely ignored: WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF BUBBLES BUTTHOLE!?

Captain Button

Like anyone in the GG world pays any attention to patents. (Now I want to see a Jagermonster IP enforcement unit side story.)

Minzoku Bokumetsu

I'm interested in things. I'm not a real doctor but I am a real crab, I am an actual crab

Captain Button

Panel 3 is further evidence of Kilroy ancestry.

at0m

And the fact that it's _empty_, despite the purpose for which webcams were invented

Joseph Bonnar

Martin's final comment feels to me like Jeph is, again, drawing my life. :)

Jax

Emergency Exhaust vent

Joseph Bonnar

Given Jeph's world, I am going to use your pronouns for Just Small until the "word of Jeph" clarifies their preferences.

Joseph Bonnar

Lemme put it like this: For that stroll, that had better be damn fine coffee. I mean WAY better than a Starbucks!

awgiedawgie

It looks to be empty. And sentient.

Carl Fink

Wait, does Just Small have snakelike slit eyes?

Temperjoke

You know what, though, Martin is going to have a real feel for life in Cubetown. This is really going to be a balanced approach to making the decision to live here.

awgiedawgie

I called it. She only promised coffee, not a coffee shop.

Zig Justice

Horseshoe crab! Sweet darling baby!!!

Roombot

Omg is marten going to start a coffee shop in cubetown?!

Joseph Bonnar

At the moment, no. At the moment...

Sean Kinlin

@Joseph: You mean good enough for Agent Cooper?

Finvaara

Adorable armored friend has a tag and everything!

Am Queue

Superheated gas!

Fart Captor

This is why you gotta ask gremlins questions BEFORE following them

Shawn Spencer

Okay, you cannot possibly tell me an island full of eccentric scientists doesn't have like, 10 coffee shops at least. So, I am assuming there are more and she just doesn't know of them.

Grey Mouser

… IT IS THE MUSIC OF THE PEOPLE. WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN

Finvaara

You're assuming they happen to have a "Runs a coffee shop" scientist. If they don't, they probably don't have a single person together enough to handle it

Todd Ellner

Bonum mane. Quid agis? Sum doctor cancri

Sleepy John

When the unknown thing grabbed his leg, I was waiting for the walls of the garbage-crusher to start moving in.

Bagge

That last panel made me laugh SO MUCH

RoofPig

Oh no there is a need for a coffee shop in this place, isn't there? This is how they can keep the whole crew together

LH

we had so much time to see it coming!

David Martelli

Good morning how are you, she's doctor crab. She's interested in things. She's not a real doctor..... Great now that's stuck in my head.

Thisguy

DORA! You need a COD franchise is Cubetown! I don’t care if you focus on aromatic teas, as long as you serve good COFFEE!

Runhildr Zaetl

This is clearly how Marten dies. Farewell, sweet prince.

Boris Pelakh

Clearly Martin will be the first CoD franchise owner. He has had intimate knowledge of the business ... hur hur

MikeT

Unsure if Canadia will allow the importation of authentic COD spiders

legobil

Wait. A traditional, completely normal, coffee maker, in CUBE TOWN? I’m a little disappointed, but the whole journey there is also utterly hilarious. Also. Is it abandoned? Why else is it empty. Well, I guess it does have a ominous eye staring at Marten.

PixelThis

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this is the breaking point. If this is the extent of Cube Town's coffee-fu, then Claire and Martin are going to walk away.

William Cole

Well, now we know why they keep running out of printer paper!

William Cole

I was getting more of a Doug Rattmann/Aperture Science vibe from this adventure.

Kitty

OR Martin opens the first Coffee of Doom franchise on Cubetown.

Kitty

You beat me to it. I can totally see that happening.

nauip lastname

There will be much discussion re: the dearth of palatable coffee. An AI will be spawned to create "your perfect cup of coffee" based on what it thinks humans want in a cup of coffee. Hilarity will ensue.

Bagge

Question: Is this the goblin scientist's idea of a coffee date?

Bill Marcum

If it was, then why didn't she make a full pot? Or maybe other people are down there whom we haven't met yet.

Bill Marcum

Humans drink coffee. We don't know the ratio of humans to AIs in Cubetown.

Fennec12

Or, the COD relocates.

Fart Captor

I feel confident there's plenty of better and more convenient coffee options to be found. This is probably just where the gremlin normally gets hers and as such is the only place she knows of That or she brought Marten here to lay her eggs in his chest. Maybe both

Fart Captor

🎵 "They call me Doctor Crab Good morning, how are you? I'm Doctor Crab" 🎵

Slayer Anderson

I feel like Marten is going to just buckle down and open his own coffee shop after this, but it's called a tea house because it mainly sells tea for AIs to sniff.

Mad Marie

deux-quatre-six-zéro-un!

Mad Marie

Method Acting for Marketing. Believe you are the crab, and they will buy crab things.

Mad Marie

Another reminder to the good people of this space: we have not yet been introduced to this character’s pronouns.

Chauncey

I was half expecting some kind of “Breaking Bad” coffee set up, with a bunch of beakers and other glassware intended to distill the perfect cup of coffee.

Mad Marie

I might also note: they have explicitly stated that they are not a child—and appear to be sensitive about the topic. Perhaps “girl” is not the most respectful common noun to use in this circumstance.

Mad Marie

Ok: different topic. Is anyone else alarmed by an unattended empty coffee pot on a heating plate that is left plugged in and sitting on cardboard boxes, adjacent to a room with a lot of high-surface-area combustible material—and there are no visible sprinkler heads, smoke detection equipment, or alarm signaling devices on any of the walls or ceilings—or is it just me?

Frank Wales

Only if it comes with damn fine cherry pie

Mad Marie

(also, there appear to be signs that this is where they sleep, and the only exit pathway we are aware of is anything but expedient)

Frank Wales

Which would be bright blue

Frank Wales

"Why does this coffee smell like unicorns?"

Stephen Wells

I think in Cubetown, if any space captures fire, there's a system which just dunks it under the ocean for a few seconds and then comes back up again. This is not completely unconnected to the Moray-69420 orca episode.

David Paul

If it were decaf as well, then that would lead to an international incident.

enchantedsleeper

Coffee and instrument repair shop! (I'm sure there must be some musicians in Cubetown). You can drink the coffee/sniff the tea while you wait. He gets the beans imported from CoD. Or hey, maybe they run it as a satellite of the original shop.

enchantedsleeper

There is no WAY an entire commune of scientists is subsisting on homemade coffee. Absolutely none. Unless it's a) somehow REALLY good coffee or b) ~experimental~ coffee and I would absolutely buy both here. (Actually, both could be true at once).

Robert Wrigley

I look forward to seeing those backgrounds appear unexpectedly in future comics...

Gary Walker

As someone who also has a totally normal amount of social skills, I can only congratulate her on solving the problem of the coffee.

Bill Silvia

That waist-high room of papers is part of the information that Claire will be sciencing.

Peter Jensen

"You want the taste of dried leaves in boiled water?" "Er, yes. With milk." "Squirted out of a cow?" "Well, in a manner of speaking I suppose ...”

A. J. Alfieri-Crispin

I’m still trying to figure out if the hem of their lab coat is “bedazzled or bedraggled”. I mean, it could be simply dirty, but the dirt matches the detail on the pocket seam…

John Smutko

Spoken as someone who’s never been in an old academic lab

MisterVimes

Oh I love this idea. It brings everything full circle to like... strip one of the comic, and now he finally has the skill-set and self-confidence to make it work.

Hugh Eckert

She think's she's getting good

Mad Marie

Spoken as someone who has been in plenty of old academic buildings, one of which nearly burned to the ground one night. Thankfully nobody was living in it at the time.

Halloween Jack

When the beating of your heart Echoes the beating of the drums There is a life about to start When tomorrow comes!

Clifton Royston

And it looks like the pot is empty (or has only overheated stale coffee at the bottom) so he's going to have to make a pot himself.

kupo

Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Beyond the barricade Is there a world you long to see?

Clifton Royston

You beat me to it. I think that's their sleeping bag in the foreground, and from the broken mirror, boxes, and scattered cans, that this is an abandoned lab which they've moved into. Maybe we're in quadrant 4?

el_zilcho

Maybe it started out bedraggled but then after she got her lab coat cleaned she realized she liked the look of it when it was dirty so she got it bedazzled to look like it was

ValdVin

Siam's gonna be witness To the ultimate test of cerebal fitness.

ValdVin

Dora, who would know, once referred to Martin accepting coffee if it were "warm, and brown colored". Unless he's developed his palate since then.

ValdVin

Hey, Steve is doing everything he can to move that needle! (See 1639 and 2321.)

Captain Button

They are all addicted to the special coffee the director uses to maintain control. Except for Just Small, leader of the Resistance.

Captain Button

Are you like me, also fussing over anime characters riding two to a bike without helmets?

Mad Marie

That’s some impressive party-hat-elastic!

David Durant

One town's very like another When your head's down over your pieces, brother...

Sean Kinlin

You mean Steve isn't into cereal monogamy?

Darla Donahue

I'm thinking there is no better a place for Union Robotics with Faye & Bubbles to move to. With all the new AI customers, maybe Faye could actually eat and they could thrive. Cubetown clearly needs an affiliate Coffee of doom/AI Tea shop. One does indie music nights might be perfect for Martin to run. They can get the good coffee imported to them from Dora, just like the Secret Bakery does.

Darla Donahue (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-07 23:00 I'm thinking there is no better a place than Cubetown for Union Robotics with Faye & Bubbles to move to. With all the new AI customers, maybe Faye could actually eat and they could thrive. Cubetown also clearly needs an affiliate Coffee of doom/AI Tea shop. One does indie music nights might be perfect for Martin to run. They can get the good coffee imported to them from Dora, just like the Secret Bakery does.
2023-02-08 01:00 I'm thinking there is no better a place than Cubetown for Union Robotics with Faye & Bubbles to move to. With all the new AI customers, maybe Faye could actually eat and they could thrive. Cubetown also clearly needs an affiliate Coffee of doom/AI Tea shop. One does indie music nights might be perfect for Martin to run. They can get the good coffee imported to them from Dora, just like the Secret Bakery does.

I'm thinking there is no better a place than Cubetown for Union Robotics with Faye & Bubbles to move to. With all the new AI customers, maybe Faye could actually eat and they could thrive. Cubetown also clearly needs an affiliate Coffee of doom/AI Tea shop. One does indie music nights might be perfect for Martin to run. They can get the good coffee imported to them from Dora, just like the Secret Bakery does.

Carol Metzger

But what would the Northampton people do without them?

Clifton Royston

I feel sure that stance Dr. Just Small takes in in the final panel is a visual reference to something, what with the lab coat looking like a bell-bottom jumpsuit, but I can't place it. Also, they're clearly a double-mad scientist - mad about a number of things and also just plain mad.

Lunari

Horseshoe Crab is my new favourite QC character ❤️

Leak

5 crabs in a labcoat

Zwischen_Welten

They call me Dr. Crab Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Crab I'm interested in things I'm not a real doctor But I am a real crab I am an actual crab I live like a crab

Ellie Hanna

I'm not sure what exactly it is but "IT'S NOT MY JOB TO KNOW EVERYTHING" is the funniest thing I've ever seen for some reason