New Song: "The Bayeux Tapestry" (Patreon)

I've been meaning to write this for awhile. Many thanks to Anne for the help.

They're gonna put me in a museum,

They're gonna make me go down in history,

Turns out all those monks never stopped working,

And they're still adding to the Bayeux Tapestry.

It documents the conquest of England,

By William, the Duke of Normandy,

Ending with the Battle of Hastings,

And it was prob’ly made in the eleventh century.

It's on display in France, but most folks don't know

The guys who make it are immortal fates

They embroider every scene before it happens,

And world leaders watch it nervously for updates.

Of course they knew about the June Rebellion

How 24601 would shake the scene,

But then Javert became Master and Commander,

And Jean Valjean grew up to be Wolverine.

The July 44 New Yorker cover

Depicted the D-Day invasion of Normandy,

Which only goes to show our history’s rhyming,

Documented on the Bayeux Tapestry.

The panels with Star Trek were quite distracting,

The Doctor Who triptych spelled gloom and doom

And then they filled five yards with Rocky Horror,

Though not as bad as Tommy Wiseau’s the room

It's warned us about every new recession,

It’s got the time and date for World War 3.

And if you see that stuff before it happens,

The Bayeux Foundation asks you... act naturally.

Now somehow I’ve been added to the tableaux,

And I don't know what waits in store for me.

So check out our gift shop for the new edition

Of the animated, annotated, jazzed-up and syncopated,

Oracle Historical, nothing tells you more-a-cle,

Good bad or rotten, on fine Egyptian cotton,

Document and lament events best forgotten,

It's a preview of our future history!

And it's all there on the Bayeux Tapestry!

Music: "Act Naturally" by Johnny Russell & Voni Morrison