New Song: "Textify" (Patreon)

Let me tell you the story of a man named JeffreyWho wrote for the Atlantic magazine,Found himself in a call that was commercially encrypted With the White House situation team.

Tell me, what did he learn?Oh, the things that he learned,And Mike Waltz and friends got burned (poor Pete Hegseth)And the Trump administration will deny foreverThat they're even slightly concerned.

They were talking about their plans to drop some bombs in Yemen,On the Houthi rebels there (not the Blowfish)And there's nobody knows why Jeffrey was included,Or why they were all unaware.

There was Stephen Miller, Steve Bessent, Steve Witkoff,J. D. Vance, Marco Rubio too,And a half-dozen others in Trump’s inner circle,And not one of ‘em had a clue.

So, was anything learned?Oh, the things that they learned,And they’ve sealed their own fate (done and dusted)They’ll be known forever in the Halls of CongressAs the Gang That Couldn't Spy Straight.

Jeffrey listened aghast as this unsecured chatCovered targets and casualties and force,Minimizing damage to Saudi oil families And blaming Joe Biden, of course.

He didn't speak up, he didn't bow out,He took notes, then discreetly withdrew,And on the Ides of March, we bombed the HouthisAnd Jeffrey knew the whole thing was true.

Tell me, what did he learn? Oh, the things that he learned,And he left no stone unturned (kept on digging)He waited a week before he published,While the story, and his stomach, churned.

Well, the very next day, they got hauled to Congress,People wanted to find out what they knew.Tulsi Gabbard was asked if she was in the meeting,And she said “That's under review.”

Now, the rotten cherry on this septic sundaeIs what Trump said about this plan:“I don't know anything, but that magazine is going out of Business, I’m not a big fan.”

Tell me, what did they learn?Oh, there's nothing they're learned,Our contempt, they all have earned (god, what losers)But they think they’re clever, so they’ll lie foreverTill Trump’s election is overturned.And Let's get Ratcliffe off the C.I.A.! 

Music: "M.T.A." by Jacqueline Steiner and Bess Lomax Hawes

Illustration by Claudine Hellmuth/POLITICO (source images via Getty, AP and iStock)Used without permission