Mascots Episode Ranked Voting! (Patreon)

First of all, apologies for not getting this to you all sooner! Your patience is deeply appreciated and I hope this list is worth the wait. There are some nightmares on here. This poll is for the first 20 characters and our top honorable mentions. The 21st character is going to be a surprise weirdo. Definitely make sure your list is either in the order you think is the most fuckable OR you can focus on prioritizing the ones you want to make SURE we talk about. Either is a fine methodology!

So, this poll is theoretically public and anyone could get acccess to it if the link is shared. As such, I would ask your help in keeping the link private. Feel free to do the poll with your spouse, your friend, your grandma, whoever! Just please don't share the link anywhere.

Secondly, you will notice that there are a few characters not on the list, most notably, the insurance spokespeople like Flo, Jake, and I guess Doug the Liberty Mutual guy??? My rationale was that they're regular humans without a real gimmick and probably won't be as much fun to talk about as some of these other characters. I think they might appear intriguing on the surface, but I don't think they'll yield as many hot takes as some of the others will. Yes, I completely agree that Flo and Jake are extremely attractive people who are pleasing to gaze upon, but if fuckability is what we're ranking, I think they're just not going to be as much of a treat to hear about as the Red and Yellow M&Ms or whatever.

That said, if there is an outcry about this and it feels absolutely crucial that one normie make the cut, I will use the top nineteen characters from this poll and we'll have a second vote on which insurance human ya'll have the most boner curiousity about. If you have strong feelings that we need a normie, let me know in the comments!

If there's a character I've left off, I apologize! The poll can't be edited at this point, alas. But in the case of some characters, like the WB frog, or the Hamburger Helper glove, it felt like there are things even I can't try to wrap my mind around and I guess I have to draw the line somewhere. I fully acknowledge that I probably should have drawn the line several nautical miles before THIS episode, but look, I got thoughts about Chester Cheetah and that's just a fact.

I'm not sure when this episode will come together. As the calendar looks right now, it may be in the August or September slot. I know that's a ways off, but I'll have another extremely bizarre opportunity for your boner engagement this Spring and a fun thing I'd like to do with your thoughtful votes and hot takes.

As ever, I send my deepest affection and most ardent eggplant emojis to each of you for your aid in this most unnecessary endeavor. Your willingness to peer into the void with me and ask it "hey, babe. You dtf?" never fails to fill my heart with glee!