[Modern Family] Ch: 33 [See a Penny, Pick Her Up] (Patreon)

AN: Okay. I know I said the thing about casino at the end of the previous ch. But I dropped it. I forgot that I'm super bad at writing casino thing. I've tried it once in my old ff X-Force: Beyond Omega. It was bad. So, I got a better idea. Enjoy. I'll release 1 more chapter today.

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Jason and Penny stepped out of the Comic Center together, and the weak jingle above the door faded behind them as they reached the sidewalk.

Jason stopped beside his white Nissan 370Z and unlocked it.

Penny slowed down.

Her eyes traveled across the low body of the car, then toward the wheels before returning to Jason. She looked impressed, although she clearly wasn't planning to give him too much satisfaction.

“Okay,” Penny said while nodding toward the Nissan. “That’s a nice car.”

Jason smiled. “Just nice?”

Penny gave him a look. “You already spent sixty thousand dollars in front of me. I’m not gonna start jumping up and down because you also have a sports car.”

Jason laughed. “Fair enough.”

Penny leaned lightly against the passenger side and checked the time on her phone. “So, we’ve got a lot of time before dinner. You got any plans, or did you just ask me out and hope something would magically happen?”

Jason opened his mouth, then looked around. 'Plans? What plans? I'm barely out of my excited phase... Haaa. I gotta think of something real quick.'

His eyes crossed the street and landed on a 7-Eleven.

A grin appeared.

“How about we start with two Slurpees?” Jason asked while pointing across the road. “That’ll give me enough time to think.”

Penny followed his finger toward the convenience store before looking back at him.

“You know what? I actually respect that answer.”

Jason slipped his keys into his pocket. “See? Already crushing this date.”

“Easy there,” Penny replied as she started toward the crosswalk. “You’ve gotten me as far as a 7-Eleven.”

Jason followed beside her. “A premium 7-Eleven.”

Penny looked toward the store. “Oh, absolutely. I can tell by the beautiful parking lot.”

Jason laughed as they crossed the street.

Penny found herself smiling too.

There was something she liked about how relaxed he seemed. He had money, obviously a ridiculous amount considering what she'd just watched him spend, but he wasn't acting like he needed to impress her every second.

Most guys with money would've immediately started talking about reservations, expensive restaurants, clubs, or whatever else they thought would make a woman stare at them.

Jason had looked across the street and suggested Slurpees.

That was strangely refreshing.

Inside the store, they headed directly toward the machines.

Penny grabbed a large cup and filled most of it with cherry before adding a little cola.

Jason stared at the different flavors for several seconds before combining blue raspberry with a bright green flavor Penny couldn't identify.

She watched him put the lid on.

“That looks radioactive.”

Jason held the cup toward the light. “That's how you know it's good.”

“Pretty sure that's how you know it can clean a car engine.”

Jason took a sip. “Delicious car-engine cleaner.”

Penny laughed and followed him toward the register.

While the cashier rang up their drinks, Jason noticed the lottery display beside the counter. 'I'm feeling lucky today. Let's try out.' He pointed toward one of the ten-dollar Scratchers. “Give me two of those too.”

Penny took a long sip through her straw before looking at him. “Wait, do you gamble?”

Jason paid and accepted the two tickets. “Technically, gambling is why I’m rich.”

Penny lowered her drink.

“Okay, you can't just say something like that and then casually walk away.”

Jason moved toward the small counter beside the window. “I went to Vegas once after leaving home, took one lucky jackpot spin, and somehow won enough money to completely change my life.”

Penny followed him. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“And then you just stopped?”

Jason nodded. “Pretty much. I figured winning once was luck. Trying to force it twice sounded like a good way to become the guy who tells everyone he used to be rich.”

Penny pointed her straw toward him. “Okay, that's surprisingly smart.”

Jason pulled a coin from his pocket. “But today, I’m feeling lucky for some reason.”

Penny smiled before taking another drink. “Yeah, well, today you bought Spider-Man comics at a ridiculous price and got a date with me, so maybe you've already used it all up."

Jason glanced toward her. “You ranked yourself after Spider-Man?”

Penny immediately shook her head. “No, honey. I’m clearly first. I was being polite.”

Jason laughed before placing the first Scratcher on the counter. He took out a coin and started removing the silver coating.

Penny watched casually at first.

Then Jason stopped.

“Huh?”

Penny leaned slightly closer. “What?”

Jason scratched another section and stared at the ticket.

“I think I won three hundred bucks.”

Penny blinked.

“Shut up.”

Jason turned the ticket toward her. Penny looked at the matching numbers and then at the prize underneath them: $300.

Her face became considerably more serious.

“Wait, seriously?” She asked.

Jason nodded.

Penny took the ticket from him and checked it herself. “You spent ten dollars and just won three hundred?”

“Looks like it.”

“Wow.”

She handed it back while staring at him. “That’s ridiculous.”

Jason picked up the second ticket with a growing smile.

Penny immediately pointed at him. “Don't get cocky now. That's how they get you.”

Jason held the unscratched ticket toward her and said, “Kiss it for good luck?”

Penny looked at him. Then she looked at the ticket. Then she looked back at him. “Are you serious?”

“Completely.” He nodded.

Penny laughed. “Jason, my kissing this thing is not gonna change the odds.”

“Probably.”

“Definitely.”

Jason continued holding it toward her.

Penny shook her head, though she was smiling now. “Fine. But if this somehow wins the million-dollar prize, I'm taking full credit.”

She leaned forward and kissed the upper corner of the ticket.

“There,” Penny said while pulling back. “Congratulations. Your statistical odds have improved by exactly nothing.”

Jason placed it on the counter. “That's what somebody without magical lips would say.”

Penny almost choked on her Slurpee. “Magical lips?”

“You heard me.”

“You've known me for less than thirty minutes.”

“And already discovered a rare ability.”

Penny laughed and shook her head. “Scratch the stupid ticket.”

Jason started scratching. The first few sections revealed nothing interesting. Then he uncovered another number. His hand stopped. 'Holy shit!'

Penny continued drinking until she noticed he wasn't moving.

“What now?”

Jason brushed the silver flakes away. His expression barely changed.

Penny leaned over his shoulder.

Then she saw the prize.

$1,000,000.

She froze.

Her straw slowly slipped from between her lips.

Penny's mouth remained open as her eyes moved from the ticket to Jason and then immediately back down again.

“Jason,” She whispered.

He examined the number once more.

Penny pointed at the ticket. “Jason.”

He nodded thoughtfully.

Penny grabbed his arm. “That says one million dollars.”

Jason casually took a sip of his Slurpee. “Told you. I’m feeling lucky today.”

Penny stared at him. “Why are you drinking right now?”

Jason looked down at his cup. “I'm thirsty.”

“You just won a million dollars!”

“Possibly.”

Penny's eyes widened. “Possibly? It says one million dollars!”

Jason picked up the ticket. “I still want the machine to verify it before we start planning my second retirement.”

Penny immediately grabbed his wrist and started pulling him toward the register.

“Yes. Machine. Now.”

Jason allowed himself to be dragged forward while laughing. “You seem more excited than I am.”

Penny looked over her shoulder at him. “Because apparently somebody has to react like a normal human being!”

The clerk scanned the first ticket.

The terminal confirmed the $300 win.

Penny watched the screen and shook her head. “Okay, that's already insane.”

Then Jason handed over the second ticket.

The clerk scanned it.

His expression changed.

He looked at the ticket, then at Jason.

He scanned it again.

Penny stopped drinking entirely.

The clerk carefully placed the ticket on the counter. “Sir, this is a top-prize winner. I can't pay this here. You'll need to claim it through the California Lottery. Sign the back immediately and keep it somewhere safe. And make sure to go there before 4:30 PM.”

Penny slowly turned toward Jason.

“Top-prize winner.”

Jason nodded. “Sounds promising.”

Penny stared at him. “Sounds promising? Honey, you won a million dollars.”

Jason took out a pen and carefully signed the back of the ticket before checking it again.

Penny stood beside him with both hands wrapped around her Slurpee. She looked completely stunned. “I kissed that.” She said with a cute smile. She was really feeling proud of herself, which she hadn't felt in a long time... years.

Jason slid the signed ticket into a protected section of his wallet. “You did.”

“And then it won a million dollars.”

“Also true.”

Penny slowly nodded as though building a scientific theory. “Okay, I'm gonna need you to buy another one.”

Jason laughed. “Absolutely not.”

“What happened to feeling lucky?”

“I've already extracted enough luck from the universe today. At this point, continuing would just be rude.”

Penny followed him toward the exit. “Oh, come on. One more.”

Jason opened the door for her. “That's exactly how gambling addiction starts.”

Penny stepped outside and pointed her straw toward him. “You don't get to suddenly become responsible after winning a million dollars from something I kissed.”

Jason smiled. “You sound emotionally invested now.”

“I am emotionally invested. I apparently have million-dollar lips.”

Jason looked directly at her mouth for a second.

Penny caught it immediately.

Her eyebrows rose.

“Oh, no.”

Jason tried to look innocent. “I didn't say anything.”

“I walked right into it, didn't I?”

"Yes, you did." Jason crossed the street beside her. “For the record, I was already interested in testing that theory before the lottery ticket.”

Penny laughed and lightly bumped his arm with her shoulder. “Wow. Okay, smooth guy. Calm down.”

Jason reached the Nissan and opened the passenger door for her.

Penny paused before getting inside and looked at him for a moment.

She'd known him for less than an hour.

During that time, he'd spent sixty thousand dollars on an old Spider-Man comic, casually asked her out in front of Leonard and the guys, bought her a Slurpee, won three hundred dollars, and then somehow won a million-dollar jackpot after she kissed his ticket.

It was easily one of the weirdest afternoons she'd experienced since moving to California.

And considering her life, that was saying something.

Penny smiled as she climbed into the car. “Okay, now I really wanna know what we're doing before dinner.”

"We're going to split the cheque and cash in. 50/50," Jason said as he walked over, got in the driver's seat, and started the engine. "We'll get $600,000 as lump cash. So, $300,000 each. 24% Federal withholding, so minus $72,000 from $300,000. That gives each of us $228,000. Then Estimated True Federal Tax Owed... Let's say, minus $18,000 – $33,000. And the final amount each of us gets is somewhere between $195,000 and $210,000." 

Penny stared at Jason for several seconds after he finished explaining the numbers.

Her expression went from excited to confused, then slowly circled back toward complete disbelief.

“Wait, back up,” Penny said as she turned toward him in the passenger seat. “You’re giving me half? Like, half half?”

Jason glanced toward her while pulling away from the curb. “You kissed the ticket.”

“I kissed a piece of paper because you asked me to,” Penny replied, still staring at him. “That doesn’t mean you owe me.”

'Interesting. This is my first time seeing someone refusing to take that much money.' Jason smiled slightly as he turned onto the main road. “Maybe, but I wouldn’t have bought the second ticket without you standing there, and you literally kissed the winning one. I’m calling that a fifty-fifty partnership.”

Penny’s mouth opened, though nothing came out for several seconds. She finally pointed toward herself. “Jason, I’m a waitress with credit-card debt and an ex-boyfriend who owes me money. You can’t casually tell me I’m getting hundreds of thousands of dollars like you’re splitting a pizza.”

Jason glanced toward her. “Would it help if I sounded more dramatic?”

“No!”

Jason laughed while Penny sank back against the seat and stared through the windshield like reality had become unreliable.

Then another part of what he’d said finally registered. “Wait. Back up. How did three hundred thousand turn into less than two hundred ten?” She asked. She kinda stopped listening to his explanation and only heard the final amount.

"Umm... I just explained it. Taxes," He replied.

Penny’s face twisted in genuine offense. “That much?”

“Twenty-four percent gets withheld federally, and depending on how everything lands when the final taxes are calculated, there could be more owed later.”

Penny stared at him. “So I win three hundred thousand dollars and the government immediately walks over and says, ‘Cute. Give us a giant piece.’”

Jason nodded. “That’s basically taxation with less paperwork.”

Penny looked personally betrayed. “I suddenly understand why rich people are always complaining about accountants.”

She grabbed her phone and checked the time, then froze.

Her eyes widened.

“Jason.”

He glanced at her. “What?”

“It’s 3:50.”

Jason’s expression changed immediately.

Penny held the phone toward him as though the glowing numbers had personally delivered terrible news. “They said to get to the office before 4:30.”

Jason looked ahead and tightened his grip slightly on the steering wheel. “Okay. That gives us forty minutes.”

Penny pointed forward with sudden urgency. “Then why are we driving like normal people?”

Jason laughed as he checked the traffic ahead. “Because winning a million dollars and immediately getting arrested for reckless driving would really hurt the mood.”

Penny dropped back against the seat, still staring at the time. “Fine. Drive legally, but aggressively.”

NOTE: In Season 1, Episode 7, Howard says:

“See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day you’ll have good luck.”

Jason literally “picks up” Penny for a date, then wins a million dollars after she kisses his ticket. 😅😅