Unfinished Song Vault: Tired 😪 (Patreon)

I forgot this existed until I saw the title of it in my old voice notes (and immediately remembered the melody), but this is SO RELEVANT 😂

Leave it to me to discuss how utterly exhausted I've been now that I'm in the longest stretch so far this year of just going non-stop and not taking any breaks, and then just happen to stumble on an old song piece about exactly that experience 👈😎👈 Crushing it.

Full disclosure, I am 100% certain that this song bit was intended to be both literal and figurative - I'll get to that 😅

In the literal sense, obviously, this is about me just being exhausted. Overworked and overstimulated, and still trying to keep my energy up enough to mask. Trying to do everything to the point of burnout, and then continue to do everything as if I'm not actively burnt out and running on ✨fuuuuuuuumes✨ And I would love to just stop and take a break, but... well I'm sure I have other song bits about that 😂 But I do want to just... stop for a bit. I'm just bad at it 🤷‍♀️ And that's kind of where I've been at the past week or so 🫣

But in a more generalized way, this song is also very much getting at me being tired all the time just existing. Just keeping myself going, you know? Especially with chronic health stuff and mental health stuff, it gets exhausting to just be. I'm tired of getting up everyday as if I'm not in pain. As if I'm not constantly waking up with like 2 plastic spoons to my name. I'm tired of needing more than those 2 shitty spoons just to shower, or sometimes even just to get dressed. I'm tired of the genuine mental anguish at the thought of taking out the trash, but also the frustration and anxiety that comes with not doing those tasks.

And I'm tired of pretending that I'm not in pain. That I'm not exhausted. That I'm not fighting myself, my brain and my body both, every moment of every day 🫠

I'm just...tired.

Of course, in this more generalized interpretation, "I wanna turn out the light" takes on a whole new, maybe mildly concerning context. But, as I've mentioned in past posts, it's not an active desire or crisis, it's just feeling...defeated. Just wishing to skip the bad stuff for a while, if only that were an option 🤷‍♀️I don't want to not be. I'm just tired of being.

Lyrics:

And I'm tired

Of doing everything all of the time

Even though I'm tired

Pretending everything is alright

I'm not fine, no I'm tired

I wanna turn out the light