Unfinished Song Preview: DUMPTRUCK 😅 (Patreon)

This is what I get for letting SisterUnmuted name things 🍑🛻 (I will have you know that this is in fact the emote combination she used in sending me this title 😂...On that note, please feel free to inform Karthik that this song is his antitheses 🚗🍑)

So...No, unfortunately, this song is not about a really great booty 🙈

I had called my sister to ask if she had the resources to hold my emotions for a few minutes. Because I had set boundaries!! And I was so proud of myself!

But I also felt guilty. Like I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing in only setting boundaries; empathizing and stating my own limitations in being present or helping, and suggesting alternative resources all in a single message. Logically, I know that that's enough. And that's reasonable. And healthy, even.

But setting boundaries when you've spent your whole life trying to bend over backwards for everyone always to your own detriment...harder than I thought 🫠 Apparently, whatever feelings taught you to forego boundaries all that time might just creep back up, in one way or another, when you do the healthy thing instead. Who. Would've. Thunk it. 😅😬

And at the same time as feeling proud that I finally set boundaries in a healthy way (and later reinforced them 😎 #crushingit), guilty that I wasn't doing more for people I ultimately don't even really know, I also felt ANGY. *insert voiceuANGY emote here*

BECAUSE HOW DARE THEY!?

For the first time ever in my life, I actually felt angry that my boundaries were being disrespected. Which I feel like is probably a healthy sign😅 But it felt AWFUL. And was very confusing to add to the jumble of emotions.

Because it's more than anyone should ever put on one person. Because it's not cool to guilt trip people for not doing more for you (especially when you've never asked, but also just in general 🤷‍♀️). Because it's not acceptable to disregard and blow past boundaries that someone has explicitly set. Ever. Much less immediately after they've been set 🤦‍♀️

Are those all 100% things I would have just accepted and done everything I could to set my own needs aside to abide by? Absolutely. But I'm trying. So hard. To do the healthier thing. (and I highly recommend it; you deserve better).

So anyway...I called SisterUnmuted to work through all those feelings and feel them all individually and at once. And then after having my boundaries disrespected for the 3rd consecutive time by the same person in the same day...I started writing 💁‍♀️

Lyrics

I don't have it in me

To take on all the feelings

Of everyone who hasn't started healing

Some problems are too big

And I'm just one human...