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Hell on Earth - Episode 4: WINDOWS (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-01 12:01:00
Edited:
2025-08-19 18:34:59
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Downloads

Content

Dynastic ambitions, messianic delusions and One High Fall topple the Holy Roman Empire into war.

Interactive atlas, bibliography and credits for the series can be found at: hellonearth.chapotraphouse.com

Files

Comments

William

Here we go

Mike Kirschner

Waiting until I get to work so I can’t listen on the drive over

Flesh Colored Subaru

Imagining Matt reading his script in the vein of Alfred Molina in boogie nights

Bryan Gross

Did patreon remove the mp3 download links? I'm not seeing one for this episode or for any other of my podcast feeds right now.

Adam Smeltzer

Tap the three dots beside the heart button

Steve

Waiting for a “you fell from the high tower you creep!” Monty python reference

Bryan Gross

thank you, I hate when websites shuffle around their UI like this

Jesse DeStasio

truly one of the worst UI overhauls I've seen.

William

John George, one of the bigger dumbfucks in the whole 30 years war

Michael S. Judge

Now that Joe Biden is president, we ALL live in Brandonburg

James Cook

I am absolutely loving this series. I've been reading a lot lately about the French wars of religion. What do you think for season 2 of Hell on Earth?

justdave

"This is your masterpiece" -*finishes note, pats bowlcut squire on head, then jumps out of castle window*

Post Void

"Rudolph The Failed Wizard King" has to be one of my favorite archs yet.

etienne

I was part of the Linux Reformation and I defenstrated the shit out of a bunch of Microsoft laptops

Isaac Jones

Nothing hits quite like an episode of Heck on Earth

justdave

The only reason I can see for Matt and Chris to talk about alchemy and esotericism and NOT bring up either the Count de Saint Germaine nor Nicholas Flamel, leads me to believe either one or both them are these people

justdave

I know it's lame, but Alexander the great would be fun

Ian H

Wait, Count Thurn?!? Like Thurn und Taxis (W.A.S.T.E.)???

Major bit me

Boy oh boy do I love me some divine simmering gumbo

C. Ries

The Whizzard was real?

boki

Awesome. Can you move a bit south. Balkans. Always skipped.

boki

They are under turkes. But a lot of the Christians from Macedonia Serbia Montenegro and Bosnia move to eastern Croatia. Boarder of Austro Hungary or Military Kraina. (Military border). Paid to defend Western Europe by giving them land. Setting up conflict of the 90s between Serbs Croats and Bosnians.

Adam Murphy

Omg cant wait to hear all these names

Adam Murphy

Folks we love names don't we

Daniel Campbell

You guys are the fucking best, up their with blowback in narrative historical storytelling. Hell of presidents was terrific and this is way better, it drags less, it us much more narrative focused and gripping, the music and sound effects are terrific, Great Job guys!

Mark Schneider

Regarding Count Thurn, are there any Gray Wolves who are also board gamers? Because one of the best board games out there is Thurn & Taxis, based on building post offices across central Germany, also into western Switzerland and the Polish city of Lodz. It is based on actual post offices in the early modern period. I am going to speculate that Count Thurn's people must've been linked to this time period and game role.

Ian H

No hallowed skein of stars can ward, I trow, Who's once been set his tryst with Trystero

Valentino

I laughed just like Matt at the "house of Orange slices" quip

Mark Schneider

Lot 49, fair enough. Neither 48 nor 50; 7 squared is better gematria.

Instantdumbass

This is great if you already know all this information I’m sure.

Jack Ross

45:48 The Republic of Dennis

Wisselbanken

this series fucking rules fellas

Damen Irving

Would be great to see you guys to the French Revolution/Napoleonic Wars after this, just to watch all these dumbass noble families in this series get owned for for twenty years straight.

SparkSolidarity

That would be cool, but they should probably do one that covers the settling of the Americas, like a prequel to Hell of Presidents. I want Matt's take on the Covenant Chain!

Reece Coren

who was the method man of the learned of europe

King Suck

Can we get a uhhh download link

Noodle

I’d smoke with Rudolph II ngl

foxy

Thanks babe

Saga

Good ep, but Matt didn't say 'Dynastic' enough

Abernathy

Best ep of the series to date methinks

Poppy Chulo

Why come we caint beat our dicks in duh monastery?

JoJo Sliwa

You have made my day, Mr. Trap House

THEKILLERWHALE

God damn. I get this added on to my patreon subscription like a hot fudge sundae scooped on top of another hot fudge sundae. Let's go Chapo!

David Porter

“Republic of Dennis” lol

Methew

I started reading wedgewoods 30 years war right before this series started and I’m so psyched

T

🔮

David W

This series is so fucking sick

Dan Mcnamara

I think you guys really hit your stride in this episode. Feels the most history channel to me so far.

Scott Harding

Disneyland needs a defenestration ride to replace splash mountain.

Of course

I just asked ChatGPT, "I want to be an archebusier. Where can I get this training?" And the AI replied, "I'm sorry, but the term 'archebusier' refers to someone who uses an archebuse, a type of portable firearm that was used in the 16th and 17th centuries. As this type of firearm is no longer in widespread use, it would be difficult to find training or certification in this field. Additionally, the use of firearms is heavily regulated and requires proper licenses and certifications, which may vary depending on the jurisdiction. If you are interested in firearms, I would recommend researching the regulations and requirements in your area, as well as seeking out training from reputable firearms instructors and organizations."

etienne

"The Oxford English Dictionary States That"-ass response

Methew

I need to dog ear this bitch

No

Patreon moved the download button into the "..." button underneath the post for me, don't know if it's the same for everyone

No

D E F E N E S T R A T I O N

Enoch

My expectations for this series were high, but they weren't slotting in Intolerable Cruelty references high. Expectations exceeded.

Mitch H.

The V.E.N.I.C.E system

Jim Campbell

Not many people know this, but in the seventeenth century, Prague was small enough to fit through a window.

Wario Argento

Filip Fabricius could still pick winners and make money for all kinds of people back home. And why mess up a good thing? And that's that.

Aaron C

These are great!

Jon Spiegler

The scientific method itself was the synthesis of hermetic/ alchemical traditions with Sufi philosophy

Bryan Jennings

It's a little thing, but I really like the way that Chris does the introduction to every episode. The sound design of the feeling of rushing to the event and the sudden silence and the event framing the episode is deliberate and well considered.

fredbaroque

So I'm not crazy! He did say "Dennis". We have two independent witnesses! CHECKMATE, Herr Christman! (I am not crazy!)

fredbaroque

That would explain the podcast hosts' purple aura. Also, have you ever seen them in the same room together with Saint Germain?

justdave

Hmm, that seems like a lot of information for someone to have who supposedly isn't an immortal alchemist

justdave

Oh my God your him aren't you!? Please give me the elixir, I won't tell anyone

Boaz Corey

Rudolf II! He had the coolest toys.

Michael S. Judge

I like to think the essential French wine-drinking lute ballad Reformation vs. German beer-guzzling brass band Reformation is upheld by skinny coastal jerkoffs blowing rails and listening to the Weeknd vs. beer-wrecked Midwestern and Southern jerkoffs raging to Pantera

Michael S. Judge

I was listening to this thinking about what schizo-lib Twitter would've been like in 1600, and I had a vision of Eric Garland in a frilly collar next to the word "DEZFENESTRATSYA!"

etienne

up to this day, what does France export: House music, versus Germany: Death Metal and Minimal Techno

Ethan

Great ep

Max Beta

Let's go Brandenburg

No

Jennifer Rubin looking at a woodcut of the local Duke's dinner party: "The gentleman suitor" looks nice and the maidens seem to have eaten their gruel and venison!

justdave

K, just bought myself an orb -I don't get it, what am I missing here?

Michael Landreth

Do not discount the importance of the Republic’s constant skirmishes with the House of Mr. Wilson.

T

Keep pondering

etienne

Rudolph II, the first uwu smol bean look at him, he has hyperfixation, and executive dysfunction, and ADHD, and spectrum, and a Etsy

plainwrap

Chris, when you do the 17th Century 'We Didn't Start the Fire' don't forget a line about piss wizard alchemy.

ClownBabee24

Holy shit, there was a Qanon in the 1600s, complete with its own writings by an anonymous freedom fighters. Time is literally a flat circle. This episode is blowing my mind.

Caz VanDevere

Just binged the first four eps at my new job as a mailman. So sick guys. You’re awesome. My one critique is that you get excited and talk kinda fast sometimes, which makes it hard to digest all the name and info. I know you’re trying to fit a ton in each ep, but slightly slower pacing would help my internet addled brain. Now that I think of it, some kind of intermittent summary might be nice too, like every 30 minutes or something, to provide bullet points for how the narrative is moving from a higher level. Thanks again!

Antipaganda

So the Empire pacified rebellious Bohemia and everything was okay again. I don't know why everyone gets excited about this war. And the name seems inaccurate.

Curtis Dyer

Is there a full version of the show's theme song we can grab anywhere? Really well done!

james

Why am I not seeing defenestration as every other word in these comments

Lucas Harper

Is there a reason there's no download link? I don't have unlimited data, and streaming thru Patreon is not ideal.

Jeremy Francuz

Hit the 3 dots next to the heart and share icons.

Jacob

I thought the alchemy part was barreling towards a crypto joke.

justdave

I just got angry and shot-put it out my window into oncoming traffic, so if anybody finds an unaccompanied orb, please contact me

Tom

This program is making me pretty nervous about how ai is going to revolutionize our society

ClownBabee24

The patriots were NOT in control

lilibet

i had a pretty intense bias against chapo due to some early episodes but i cannot resist the 30 years war featuring, among others “swamp germans”

Gorgeousgeorge

And Heinrich begat johan, the Duke of anster. And Philip begat Rudolf, who married Katherine of Sicily. Riveting stuff.

justdave

Different, but similar perspectives on facial hair

Borangehat

What's the interstitial track at around the half hour mark?

Martin Kasey

"So, as soon as Ferdinand the second steps into his Rolls [...]"

bigboyseason

The music is a massive improvement from Presidents

No Relation to Henry

The Age of Napoleon is a good ongoing podcast about exactly that which Matt has guested on.

Michael Polacheck

I just saw the film Captain Alatriste. A Spanish film staring Vigo Mortensen. I thought it was a very good and historically accurate film about this period. Any opinions on this film?

mark

would love to buy an album of the music from this series

Ben

Damn I need to smoke less weed I think

McMiller

No you don’t stop it smoke more

Robbie H.

I hope you smoked more before you had time to think about that

Luke S

I love the juxtaposition of "70 ft" and "almost certain death."

Luke S

I think JFK's assassination and Nixon's voluntary ouster in lieu of the same was the "axe and chopping block" of the 20th century and kind of speaks to the real level of autonomy a POTUS/Emperor really has vis a vis the industrial and financial elite.

Benjamin

the cleric made their divine intervention check

Gino

deep kc2d lore here

James Whale

Dude im here for that too

Reece Coren

Ambrogio Spinola working 18 hours a day to destroy the Dutch is so real. If only he would’ve succeeded and prevented the walking laughing emoji that is elon musk 💔