Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

Hell on Earth - Episode 5: INTERVENTION (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-08 12:00:04
Edited:
2025-08-19 18:35:27
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Downloads

Content

The Danes stage a daring intervention against the Habsburgs. Enter: Wallenstein & Richelieu.

Interactive atlas, bibliography and credits for the series can be found at: hellonearth.chapotraphouse.com

Files

Comments

Maria Szpanowska

let’s goooo I was waiting for hours for this primeshit content ❤️

Reed

If only the Turks won at Vienna :(

Paco

Real Cardinal Richelieu hours

William

Wait so the Dutch are burgher?

Brad

Anybody else listen to these episodes twice in a row to try and absorb all this?

justdave

Swing an a miss

etienne

[trying to explain Renaissance european politics to Americans] "so imagine a Burgher"

Gubriel

I'll definitely re-listen, I'm going to do another Hell Of Presidents youtube run-through soon.

Adam Kifer

She oppin on my zoom till I Burgen 😂😂

James Cook

Listening to the credits and the theme music was by Nick Diamonds. THE Nick Diamonds?! How did I not catch that before?

Andrew Lyman

Listening to Sabaton to get hyped for the next episode

William

Chris, you’re a good writer. Feels like you might be trying a little harder than you need to, to make certain points hit hard, usually at the end of the intro and the end of the episodes, which is the only thing that’s seemed a little off in these otherwise excellent episodes. I feel like you can trust in your ability more and leave those a little more understated. Otherwise, really enjoying the narrative, great work yall

William

Lol take notes mr im not jealous. This is what’s referred to as a “pun”

Isaac Jones

Yeah I'm absolutely going to have to listen through this whole show twice. This shit is downright dizzying a good portion of the time

Scott Harding

You can thank Jacobus Arminius for the theological underpinnings of the Methodist Church.

justdave

Your right, im not jealous

justdave

Please start your own podcast

Barnabas

This has been an interesting series for someone named Maximilian (me), whose family is from Heidelberg

justdave

Ya know Lance is one of those names you don't hear any more- back in olden times people were named Lance, alot!

justdave

Ner hee He er Ee

Dylan Carter

Why did I think the music at the beginning was from Halo lmao. Great work boys

THEKILLERWHALE

Look, if you can't keep Frederik II, Frederik III and Frederik the Unjust straight in your head, I don't know what to tell you mack.

Bil

Shut the fuck up

Yairo Martis

How many German Matthias-es and Mattheus-es?

Post Void

The Dutch got a political and theological truce for 12 years? In the US it's only 4 if that.

Yairo Martis

When doed Frederick The Great come in?

Post Void

Don't hold your breath, it can always spiral further!

Yairo Martis

Guldens a.k.a guilders a.k.a. florijn/florin

T

Ferdinand II has the same nose as the judge from Nothing But Trouble

Chuck Newsome

I've ended up doing 3 listens per ep. but to be fair I am often doing something else while I'm listening-out off necessity. Shit is thick af, in a good way, especially if you're like me and you have gaps in your basic understanding of this era. The bibliography's gonna be nice...

Ben

We love it

Ben

Drumming on the counter to the song like a maniac

Michael Landreth

A note on Buckingham and Charles. Buckingham was close to Charles’ father James, so close that there were rumors around England that James and Buckingham were more than friends (unconfirmed as far as I know). Buckingham’s influence over Charles was a major reason Parliament did not want to finance Charles’ European ambitions, and no one (except Charles) cried when Buckingham was finally assassinated. Eventually, this tension between the crown and Parliament would explode into the English Civil War, which is more or less just the 30 years war playing out locally in England, who had managed to stay out of the larger conflict. The back and forth in England eventually ends in the invitation being extended to the Dutch William of Orange to come rule England, with all of the resultant consequences of that decision. Don’t know if Chris and Matt will broach the English Civil War since it is only tangential to the 30 years war, but since they brought up Charles and Buckingham I thought this made an interesting footnote.

T

Hell on Earth soundtrack sounds like a Panda Bear album

LeZero

Still can't get over Richeloo

Ian

Interactive atlas and bibliography is awesome

etienne

as a guy with almost the same diphtong in my name: good nuff tbh. I'll let it slide

Tim Mullen

This series slaps so hard. Wallenstein really had that sigma grindset.

fredbaroque

Seriously though: MAG-DUH-BOORG.

fredbaroque

Friedrich der Große is like 100 years later XD

Blaz Kelbl

Also wa-len-sh-tayn and like every other german name as well.

C. Ries

Let’s go Brandenburg

Black Foliage

Wanna grow up to be… be a debaser (of coins)

Gavin Farrell

Yeah, I am also finding it to be a fever dream of a procession of violent scheming assholes.

fredbaroque

VA-len-shtayn, even! But in all fairness, failing to pronounce the "W" as a "V" is more forgivable. Germans (and to a larger degree, Scandinavians) tend to do exactly the opposite in English, yielding hilarious results such as, "I sink zere's too muts wiolence on the telewishion".

etienne

All I wanna be is El Emperor Three billion thalers in silver

Trey Williams

Have you guys thought about doing an animation along with the dialogue kinda like ‘CrashCourse’ on yt does? There’s a lot of characters that would be easier to follow and remember with some imagery. Love the series!! Much love to you guys

T

[in italics] ADAM MURPHY

Brendan Garcia

Having read the wedgewood book during pandemic, it becomes pretty clear that the Swedish are the White Walkers. The bright blue eyed northern horde that descends on the southern lands with unmatched prowess.

Tyler Silvas

We need a super cut!!!!! Dan Carlin style.

Micaiah von Walter

Yeah and the W in Wallenstein is a V sound. Also, like all Scandinavian languages there is basically no such thing as a J sound. It's said like Yut-land.

John Smith

> "Which are with their weight of the actual amount of metal in them" Not true actually, specie coins have almost always traded at more than their actual weight in bullion. The value is tied to the amount of precious metal, as this fundamentally limits their supply and provides a sort of "guarantee" of minimum value, since they can always be melted down. Almost always doing at wasn't profitable though. This allowed the sovereign to profit from seignorage, as they extracted a profit from producing the coins. What people were doing when they melted them down and debased them fraudulently, was basically trying to double dip and extract seignorage for themselves. But this increases the money supply obviously and eventually people figure out its being debased, and there's now less guaranteed value there to back up the face value. Which erodes trust in the coin and eventually leads to inflation. Usually at a rate *greater* than the ratio it was debased at, as trust becomes eroded and itd fiat value takes a large hit. Just want to point this out bc libertarians sometimes are so backwards the support a return to specie, and will claim such coin would be exactly with its value in bullion. They are find it deeply uncomfortable to admit that a currency could truly have any real value outside its constituent physical, material elements, fiat value to them is inherently fraudulent. This is because they are horrified by the concept of abstractions at a social and collective level having any true meaning. That's the key flaw of their entire ideology, they practically worship money as if it is an a priori entity. The fact that the most fundamental entity of the capitalist system, critical to its promulgation, is ultimately an artificial creature of the state and a social abstraction breaks their brain. They either avoid thinking about it and try to act as though it's value is objective (monetarism, ie pretend libertarianism), or become utterly obsessed with it such that monetary primitivism is nearly their only focus and they spend most of their time making deranged screeds on the subject to often unwilling audience (Austrianism, ie crazy libertarianism). The fact is that it has *always* been the case that some portion of the value of currency was derived from fiat. Primitive monetary systems were like training wheels for early states with limited state capacity, they had little trust and so needed some guarantee with which to increase confidence in their currency. Like it was originally intended that specie coins would be just a convenient way to carry bullion, only later did they discover it was trading at multiples of its weight in bullion. The "gold standard" was an intermediate step that actually wasn't even fully developed at this time, the bank would stockpile bullion and issue promissory notes (ie fancy way to say an IOU) containing a promise to redeem for a certain amount of bullion at the request of the bearer. Now the bank did *not* have enough bullion to redeem all the notes it issued, it was betting that everybody wouldn't get together at once and ask for their notes to be redeemed. In practice this did often happen throughout the 18th and 19th century, people would get suspicious, it would lead to a panic, and mass withdrawals which eventually the bank couldn't redeem. It's almost an inherent flaw in the system, and the reason you read so frequently about bank runs in the time period, which suddenly stopped in the 30s when we pulled the band off and went 100% fiat. There were few things in history quite as based imo as Executive Order 6102. With those training wheels ripped off it was a beautiful thing. The only thing backing dollars rn are treasury notes. What are treasury notes at their core? A promissory note. Modern money is fundamentally an iou backed by other ious which are themselves back by money. It's all one big circle, the circle of capitalism, and at the center of this circle lies the state, the socially created entity linking it all together and enabling the flow of free trade with nothing other than raw coercion and force, please sir accept this circularly defined iou as payment, also I have the worlds largest military kthxbye. This is what you will always find when you peel back the curtain and look upon the wizard of Oz, 100% of the time. And there's nothing capitalists hate more than having to acknowledge this. I have to admit, the currency supply is not entirely based on this. Most dollars are bank credits that exist nowhere besides in the banks ledger book. When a bank issues you a loan, they insert into your debit account the value of the loan, and also create another credit account which represents the amount you owe. That's it. No cash is involved, nor did they have to pull any money from elsewhere to insert into your account. The operation in banking software is as simple as adding the respective entries to the ledger that represents the customer's accounts. They've created money out of nothing. This is why they push credit cards so heavily on you, with credit cards their customers can conduct nearly all consumer transactions purely in terms of fake ledger entries of their own creation. It all sounds like a fraud, and that's bc it is. I halfway think when the system was developed it was intended to be a con, and then the creator were just shocked when it kept in going and working and didn't ever stop. Capitalism is the greatest con of all time, the endless con that just keeps on going somehow. It's my favorite thing about capitalism, knowing that ultimately so much of the hegemonic economic system is ultimately an artificial creation, a reified abstraction, gives me hope and faith that alternatives can be socially constructed just as well. As much as capitalism likes to pretend that it is an objective fact of nature that exists a priori and independent of society, it is an abstraction, a creation, and not an objective mandate handed down from God and "natural law". There are no laws of God, and no laws of nature, only laws of man. I only obey laws of man, and eagerly await the time when those laws of God and nature are retired and man exists purely in a masturbatory, self referential relationship w his own collective unconscious.

Will

I think im gonna have to read the book

Cameron Slick

Except their General got got in the first season.

Mark Kreitz

That lo-if medieval GBV interlude is something to enjoy and smile along to

Simon

also from the first episode, MAINZ rhymes with PINTS

Simon

Do you have a book recommendation for the lay schlub?

Gengeros

So basically the Hapsburgs are the villains of European history? They are head of this giant Austria Spanish Holy Roman Empire and enforces of the Roman church. Everything about this screams the galactic empire. Protestants are the scruffy rebel alliance. Yes I am using Star Wars references to complicated sectarian historical events.

Garetor

I would think of it more as a bunch of guys reaching for a brass ring that ever recedes out of their grasp. Everyone fantasized about universal monarchy-it was in the water. Henry V put in a bid for holy roman emperor and forged fatuous documents stating he was descended from other original flavor roman emperors. Francis I waged ceaseless wars to control Italy. Spain and Austria you know about, but even the Portugese dreamed of universal monarchy in the initial, heady years of their empire stacked up endless cash. What all these guys run into eventually is the limits of state power in this era. You only can push so far, especially in someplace so divided as Europe. Austria just got closest of all.

Red Herring McGuffin

you guys are mispronouncing palatinate it's a cool sounding word if you know how to say it

Anders Olsson

Is there any Matt/Chris slash fiction?

Jenn

Damn my dumbass needs to start taking notes to keep up with this. Great slop

T

No, only non-fiction

Frank

Presbyterian here. Synod: “SIN-odd,” not “SIGN-odd.” Protect your heads. Calvinists have separated them from necks for less.

Brooke

Apple Podcasts deleted my Grey Wolf feed and when I tried to re-paste the URL, it doesn’t work 😕

etienne

this one definitely has a lot of Guys. much harder to keep track of than Luther Episode and Charles V Episode

Mark Schneider

If Li'l Bush the Lesser had any insight that "Woe to God that I had ever reigned" would be appropriate last words. But as we all know there will be no such self-reflection.

Jordan Wisniewski

Love the series. Bout to go dummy on the Wallenstein boardgame.

H.L. Merkin

Search YouTube for “ASMR Reading Map of Central Europe in 1378”. Essential viewing/listening.

Dave

All the Catholics have to feel similarly whenever they hear PAP-UL instead of PAY-PUL

Khemith

I find it funny the reactionaries keep talking about "black on black" crime but ignore all the white on white crime.

Praaguematic

Lol. I am Bohemian. Looked everywhere. Nothing. Some Prozie had to nick it!

Doug Cartel

I like to pronounce it HUGE-o-nots because it's funny

T

Any early panda bear album

Julie Baxter

Was just watching Jeopardy and today's Final question was in regard to what office the Electors voted on and damn, I would've won since I knew from listening to y'all that it was Holy Roman Emperor!

Ian ☀️ (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-09 10:00 i’m really trying not to get on your assess about german pronunciation, especially given matt’s progeny but it’s my only nitpick so i’m sticking to it. the letter G in german is never ever an english J sound. Magdeburg is like magnetburg but not magicburg
2023-02-11 13:03

etienne

germans when you call it "bathroom" and not "Der Pöopenfahrten"

Libeccio

They had him on for their 2020 election stream and he did work for them on Hell of Presidents too, if I recall

Kevin Boyle

Magicburg sounds great - Id live to live in Magic Mike Burg

Tim O'

Isn't Magicburg the name of that town from Wandavision?

S W

The peasant "Es muss sein" (it must be) march is pretty darn metal.

chronye

marc corrigan ahh series

Degzo

Is the audio quality a bit? Obviously they know how to make it not sound like absolute shit so this must be?

Bella DeBall

what idiot called them The Sopranos and not The Goomar-ists

Seth J Becker

Christman gets a pass from me on most things like this, but this one is just too great. Madjedeburg? Hasn’t the city already suffered enough Matt?

Robby Gross

I feel like you could’ve saved a lot of time and just programmed AI to read Wikipedia pages in your voices. This is terrible.

Poppy Chulo

That's not what's happening here though.

The Children of Jack Acid

The Hapsburgs were the heads of a giant empire, and they were also emperors with giant heads.

WyattM

yeah but wikipedia isnt a socialist

Ethan Schulz

Crying and throwing up at their pronunciation of synod

John Mitchell

I can't help but think that the reason that the Dutch seemed so attractive (to raid and conquor) by the Spanish was because of their nascent capitalist structures creating disproportional wealth as early adopters. In a way this move to continue, in a do or die campaign belied the fact that the Spansih Hapsburgs already saw the writing on the wall and were trying to stem the tide.

John Mitchell

"exothermally as the Little Ice Age" ???? seriously? I really hope that you take this time of recovery to use Matt's incredible nuance to flourish his literary talents and move into the book genre (at least for now). Please?!!!!

pizzapope

“Ricks” museum? come on man 😓

William Deverell

feudal monarchies are still states, they’re just not very capable ones. y’all talking as if they aren’t

Big Dylan

They are distinct from a modern nation state, which does not yet exist at this point in history

Reece Coren

literally in tears laughing imagining a gravestone that says phillip iii: father of phillip iv. son of phillip ii.