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764 - The Schlapp’s Exorcist (9/5/23) (Patreon)

Published:
2023-09-06 04:30:55
Imported:
2026-06

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We hope everyone had a nice labor day.. Today, we’ve got and episode of rivalries: Musk vs. the ADL, the Schlapps vs. Demonic possession, Men (all) vs. Houseplants, Diarrhea vs. Air Travel, and Techno-Libertarians vs. Mud.

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Comments

Alec

The Schlappening

Kinetik Phantom

Don’t lie. You’re not special. We’ve all had terrifying diarrhea on an airplane.

Bryce

that's the dinner bell, slop time. oink oink

Zach Pierce

Stop it cop, it’s just some slop.

I am become reply guy

Could you imagine a James Cameron/ Menacker interview ep? That’s gotta happen one day, maybe after avatar 5.

Zach Pierce

Sleep sleep sleep on the beach beach beach and dude you can say I’m lame but I f’ing loved going to Buffett shows in the late 90s/early 00s and Buffett has some GREAT albums from 74-80. Check Ringling, Ringling and The Wino and I Know…

Kinetik Phantom

Matt needs to chill on the $3 mic. Take my $5 Patreon and buy a new one

JD Nonce

I put slop in my mouth in the airport restaurant, then on the plane I put slop (the podcast I like) into my brain using my AirPods while slop comes out of my asshole. It’s a circular slop-system. Is it funny to talk about slop yet?

Sam Schick

The fucking jimmy buffet eulogy in the style of marxist analysis is why crispman is mvp

Diokles

If there's an American Orthodox Church, Rod Dreher can rejoin.

Dan

Had it in my head Buffett was a Trump homer, really glad to be wrong for the first time ever.

ResilientBastard

Wow, Matt shilling for the small business tugboat tyrants of the Gulf smh

Caesaro

Can’t believe fuckin Jimmy Buffet got a Chapo eulogy before Cormac McCarthy

lake

Damn can’t believe Felix died

Schwartz666

He's searching for that lost shaker of kosher salt in the sky.

October

I'd do him.

Simon

falcon guy erasure on the ebola outbreak

drewb

now picturing Grimace rendered as an orthodox icon

BigBoto

"Matt Schlapp" is the sound it makes when you drop 2 pork chops on a linoleum floor

Schwartz666

Mmm, this is that pure uncut Chapo slop that I love. A handful of readings stirred vigorously over Christman capitalist critique, and seasoned with celebrity death.

Matelda

It didn't sound like Jimmy Buffet was having fun in Margaritaville? I think whoever that was mixed him up with the "it's 5:00 somewhere guy," i.e. mainstream country music, propaganda wherein playing hard is the Janis face of working hard. True praxis is knitting in a meadow cottagecore style, neither working nor playing.

Bella DeBall

I don't think we're making enough of the fact that the Ultimate Beach Lifestyle Guy died of fucking skin cancer.

Sam

One time I was on a plane where an old man a few rows ahead of me shat his pants and decided to just chill in it and not say anything. The flight attendants handed out bags of coffee grounds to help neutralize the smell, and I must say it surprisingly did help slightly but definitely not enough

E Joseph Weixel

That is a very interesting quote. It means that it is better to be prepared for the worst than to be caught off guard by it. It also implies that peace is preferable to war, but one should not be naive or complacent about the possibility of violence. The origin of this quote is uncertain, but some sources suggest that it is a Chinese proverb or a saying from the Chinese or Japanese martial arts. Others attribute it to Sun Tzu, the author of The Art of War, or Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist and actor. However, there is no definitive evidence for any of these claims¹². The quote has been used in various contexts and media, such as books, movies, podcasts, and blogs. Some examples are: - In the book The Warrior Ethos by Steven Pressfield, the author uses the quote to illustrate the difference between a warrior and a civilian, and how the former can cultivate peace and harmony in his life. - In the movie The Accountant, the protagonist's father tells him the quote as a lesson on how to survive in a hostile world. - In the podcast The Tim Ferriss Show, the host and his guest Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL, discuss the quote and how it relates to their philosophy of leadership and discipline. - In the blog post Why It’s Better To Be a Warrior in a Garden Than To Be a Gardener in a War by Niels Bohrmann, the author shares his personal story of how he turned to martial arts after being bullied as a kid, and how the quote inspired him to be ready for any challenge¹. Source: Conversation with Bing, 9/6/2023 (1) Why It’s Better To Be a Warrior in a Garden Than To Be a Gardener in a War. https://nielsbohrmann.com/its-better-to-be-a-warrior-in-a-garden-than-to-be-a-gardener-in-a-war/. (2) It’s Better to Be a Warrior in a Garden - discomfortclub.com. https://www.discomfortclub.com/its-better-to-be-a-warrior-in-a-garden/. (3) It’S Better to Be a Warrior in a Garden Meaning. https://foliargarden.com/its-better-to-be-a-warrior-in-a-garden-meaning/. (4) “To be a warrior in a garden is better than to be a gardener in a war .... https://annies-gardens.com/to-be-a-warrior-in-the-garden-is-better-than-to-be-a-gardener-in-a-war/.

Alec Stationwagon

Y'all gotta do a dedicated Cop City episode-the recent RICO indictments are batshit

Walking Bones

Love that I'll be hearing Trump's voice going "Sleep, sleep, sleep. That's all she wants to do." As I go to bed every night for the rest of my life

SoConfused

40:00 as a brit, i also just assumed this article was written by a brit. we are a strange people

E Joseph Weixel

The original UN partition of Palestine made Jerusalem an international city. Speculation on X posits that Gunther wants to isolate Gaza.

Alexandr

Can you guys please fix the mics. Please. It's all I want is to be able to listen to this shit without at least one of the three Chapos clipping constantly.

Alexandr

Mr. Random, please. Falcon guy is his father. (Yippie-kai-yay, Mr. Falcon)

Meatwad Cosby

this audio is what we all deserve

jack flowers

has anyone on this show ever eaten a fig off of a tree?

jack flowers

i girl i am friends with pulled one petal off of each of her roommates orchid flowers because she thought it was funny

Alexandr

I had a fun experience inside an extremely hot Wisconsin Dells attraction, some stupid fantasy-themed trivia house or whatever you wanna call it. Actual mentally retarded person who was screaming intermittently had dumped himself and it was the worst thing imaginable with the heat and the enclosed space. :(

Doug Cartel

any time I see a garden I just stomp around singing my flower stomping song (highway to hell)

Doug Cartel

I would posit that Fehlinger is some weird obverse Hitler, where instead of drawing maps of Greater Germany he wants to break down any federation into its smallest parts

Shiv

Brace is our #1 ebola poster

C. Andrew

When you think about the economic cost of an international flight, the CO2 emitted, and the butterfly effect of lives and plans rerouted... That's one hell of a powerful shit. Sometimes a boat gets stuck. Sometimes you shit all over an airplane. The modern global economy is just so complicated, I can barely understand. We dug aluminum and nickel out of the ground, refined it with thousands of degrees, hardened it to perform in a jet turbine. The most advanced avionics and combined decades of crew experience. A global network of flight controllers, GPS tracking, and thousands of engineers to get that plane in the air. But all it takes to ground that motherfucker is a bit of food poisoning.

C. Andrew

Gregorian chant but it's the NFL bumper song

C. Andrew

I wish I still had my Jimmy Buffett branded surfboard shaped vape, it's probably worth a fortune now.

Jaime Christley

I'm reminded of Irish comedian Michael Redmond's famous opening joke - after standing still for 2 minutes not saying anything: "A lot of people say to me, 'Get out of my garden'."

Natalie

the hot snakes on a plane line got me good

god listens

Matt’s on fire this ep

Jackson

I think grass lawns shouldn't be allowed where they can't naturally exist without sprinklers and shit but most people don't have to water their lawns, they're just part of the land. That's the case for us, at least

laserwilliams

You know it’s a good one when Matt is clipping the whole time

Evan Scott

i have a friend who gets paid pretty good to take a couple weeks each year to set up a burning man camp for rich people, work the kitchen, tear down at the end etc. luckily he opted to not do it this year but yeah the rich people going absolutely do not do any work

Well aged meme

yeah mostly with ya there. Generally monoculture is bad, though. at least have a natural area for like bees and shit. Our "lawn" (mostly weeds and like 4 diffrerent species of grass we don't cut) is full of butterflies and bees and such and after the heatwave in Chicago a couple weeks ago was the only one that was still green by the end of it.

Jackson

Yeah anyone who super fine tunes their lawn and tries to control "weeds" and shit is a freak. We mow it once every other week so it isn't uncomfortable to walk through, whatever grows grows.

Jackson

But it's not chapo if at least one of them isn't blowing out their mic, preferably Matt or Felix

andrew rogers

The concept of a group solving a market inefficiency by going around regulations to perform unsanctioned exorcisms has been proposed before, it was called the Ghostbusters

andrew rogers

Dang okay they got there 5 minutes later

Demented Avenger

The Twitter/YouTube/whatever context has precedent from the late 1990s: the Third Voice browser plugin. The difference is everyone reacted to it. Whereas the Powers That Be say we need these explainers on tweets because we're all too stupid to get the tweets without them, the Internet rose up against Third Voice as digital vandalism, even though the plugin only let you make and read comments on content as opposed to content itself.

Jacob Johnson

Someone probably already said this but “the shits in Spain stay mainly on the plane”

Johan Stefonski

I have listened to some truly heinous and deeply offensive writing on this show, but let me tell you this: I stopped listening to the article about men killing plants almost instantly. I'm going to be upset for days over the fraction I did hear. I'm ending this comment now, before I make a credible death threat against the author.

Dustin Nelson

To be fair to plant lady, in my teens someone cut down a tree onto our power lines and the surge broke all our electronics (insurance didn't replace them) and over 20 years later I'd still have that guy waterboarded to de*th if I could

Jaime Christley

Some of those that work forces Also like dipping sauces

etienne

why are you pasting computer generated spam in here. conversation with bing? do you need help talking to yourself?

E Joseph Weixel

The quotation was mentioned in the show. A question was raised as to what it meant and its provenance. Trying to be helpful.

Jaime Christley

I thought this was good, that's why I hearted it. yeah I heart my own garbage, whaddya gonna do about it

Jaime Christley

Jocko Willink is one of the freakiest guys to walk the earth. but he also looks very weird

Snooder87

The most infuriating thing about that plant editorial? It wasn't even her tree!! It's her dad's tree. She doesn't even live there.

Gubriel

I enjoy the clipping mic. Lo-fi Matt to chill and get startled by when he yells

drizzly_november

Tbf, the “5 o’clock somewhere” guy -is- Jimmy Buffett. You’re right, “Drinking Class” by Lee Brice has to be one of the darkest songs ever, working all day just to proudly obliterate with piss beer any semblance of consciousness - self or class. A real ode to deaths of despair.

Matelda

There's a lot of examples in rightwing radio country. For every syrupy song about being a homegrown simpleton worker-father there's another one about getting blasted at a sports bar, presumably in a strip mall

philfinn

The brown rain in Spain stayed mainly on the plane

fried egg

here in brooklyn with no AC. if this episode doesn’t actually make me stay nice and cool i’ll be pissed

Oliver

Matt throwing nothing but gas this ep

chance

I work in lawn care and landscaping and the amount of care that goes into rich peoples lawns is insane. The worst part is having to be nice when they come out and complain about every little thing

Luke S

I'm glad they left Chris's gimp suit mouth zipper open so he can contribute to the show. With his voice.

C. Andrew

Audiophiles deserve, and will receive, nothing.

Kinetics Video

I'm assuming most of the NATO freaks are completely cynical and will have returned to not knowing what Ukraine is by the time the bill comes, but there are for sure some true believers and I wonder what sort of ideological mutants are going to be made of them when Ukraine's dire post-war reality hits.

Terrance McDonald

I love any book or movie having to do with exorcisms, but a lot of them are truly bad. Kind of hit a home run early with The Exorcist. But the popes exorcist is pretty fun.

Natalie

i feel like it's actually the most stomachable piece in awhile now that i'm used to them reading shit about cancelled professor luncheons

Johan Stefonski

I should probably have stated this upfront, but I'm a horticulturist.

Bryce Rodriguez

I’m in pool cleaning and it’s the same shit with these rich people. 0 understanding of anything that goes on. Also always the cheapest people

Shane McGonnell

I’m I the only one who has heard the “warrior in a garden” saying?

chance

Yep they're usually the hardest ones to get to pay their bill.

Inertial Observer

And we used to sleep on the beach here, sleep overnight. They don't do that anymore. Things changed, you see. They don't sleep anymore on the beach...

Keith Jackewicz

Cannot wait for the sectarian weirdos arguing that making anarchism effectively illegal is actually good praxis.

Keith Jackewicz

Them pretending it’s not a euphemism with an extremely obvious meaning was pretty cringe.

etienne

he sounds just the same too. same energy

Dylan Gutridge

There is a Margaritaville in Medford, Oregon. In case you ever want to meet a Medford man.

Stay Joking

Matt firing on all cylinders

Ian H

My wife, a professional horticulturist, has intentionally killed probably thousands of individual plants. I'll be tenderly shepherding each tomato seedling for weeks till she comes along and decimates the underperformers. Last year she mowed our perennial herb garden, saying "the world isn't ready, but this is what they really need" (she was right).

Gordon Schmidt

I'm sorry but a NATO partition of Israel would be so fucking sick

Nolan

I just feel like not everyone is matching my level of coolness and it’s making things less cool.

Ronette Pulaski

Does anyone have the link for the article about men killing gardens plz?

Jake

I once had a cat I was transporting break out of it's carrier after being stuck in it for 10 hours. I managed to catch it while the plane was taking off but then the cat deflated on my lap like a beach ball full of urine. I feel pooping guy's shame. I can still see the shock and horror on the faces of my fellow travelers when the smell hit their noses.

Shane McGonnell

I feel like it’s an ancient Roman saying.

Ryan

As someone with Crohn’s I think the opening ‘Sharts on a Plane’ story is my greatest fear in life.

Gabipentin

the pick-me WWII British officer in The Bridge On the River Kwai.. I'm glad he got got

Dan

Is that like Florida Seppuku?

Dan

Most profound thing I’ve read all week

Scot Forsythe

Matt so on point this ep especially the bit about the phantom limb of agrarianism haunting so many suburban lawns 😂

Alexandr

It's not hard, it's just impossible. I can't listen to this shit anymore half the time. I don't understand how Chris could hear ANY of the end product of this podcast for the past 2+ years and be fine with its audio quality.

Siddhartha

Lots of mispronunciations and malapropisms in this one, but Matt's "Silicone Valley" shouldn't be overlooked.

Ian H

Just tormenting her poor immigrant father over *his own* tree that actually survived.

Dang

Matt's peaking all over the place, more ways than one

Mangomoosh

Im still thinking about that stanky swank house

Thomas Sorensen

I'm sure no one will see this but to this day one of my favorite Biden moments was when he was asked how many genders there are and he said, "At least 3". That was good shit

SF

Yeah i think “oafishness” is a gentler way of saying hetero men generally just don’t really care about the hobbies and stress relievers that their hetero women partners and family members take part in. It’s just laziness and disregard for others

chronye

liv mas tyler