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#150: We Have Moved from Zed to Zed(x) (Patreon)

Published:
2021-07-24 01:46:52
Imported:
2026-06

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Content

MSJ attempts to outline the etiology of a "culture" feeding on its own corpse while its head is still alive; he then has a fairly thorough psychological breakdown; he then considers starting over, but eventually decides that a recording of his mind collapsing is a more accurate record of the phenomenon he wished to consider than any exegesis could provide.

Sorry it's shorter than usual, but trust me, you want want it to be any longer.

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Comments

Michael McGroarty

Michael, there's a moment in 2666: "I'll be coming back to Santa Teresa," he said, "in less than a year, I swear." "Don't swear," said the girl, smiling in a pleased way. "I'll come back to you," said Espinoza, swallowing the last of his beer. "And maybe we'll get married and you'll come to Madrid with me." It sounded as if the girl said: that would be nice, but Espinoza couldn't hear. "What? What?" he asked. Rebeca was silent. I return to this a lot. I don't know why. This episode is now coming on three years old. I wasn't listening three years ago. But three years hence, and I'm emboldened by you to read 2666, whereas I would have called it 'tackling' 2666 not long ago. I'm certain there are passages in this book that have revealed to me a deep, silent, interminable agony in the world, like a boneless, tongueless mouth, exhorting lungfuls of pain. The killer who visits you visited me a while ago. But I told them, not just yet. You may have said the same thing. I left you a 'direct message' through Patreon. It's all mushy gratitude, but who cares. So long.

Leonardo DiCaprizoliano

Hang in there Michael. Just hang on one more day, and the day after that, and the day after that. This world would be WORSE without you.

babygurl

dude you need some valerian root, get on it (don't take too much 1 pill will do)

folk

Gah, I battled sleep paralysis in my teens (and into my early twenties) in the late 90s when there wasn’t much info you could find on it. It was terrifying and I used to be scared to go to sleep. Sometimes in the middle of the night I’d curl up outside my parent’s bedroom door and sleep there, not wanting to bug them but just out of my wits scared. It wasn’t till later I saw more scientific explanations of what was going on. For whatever reason, it stopped happening. But it’s not an experience I’ll ever forget. At my worst, it was a nightly occurance. Not knowing any of your specifics, I just hope they stop happening to you as they did for me. Sorry, just sharing. Sending you love and well wishes from abroad. I’m so grateful for you and your podcast. You are a light in the dark for so many of us, clearly. Please take care of yourself, I will never unsubscribe.

Biels Nohr

So did he eat your ass or nah

John Waaben

Thank you with all the sincerity I can possibly muster. I will not unsubscribe your work is too important and you’ve taught us all so much.

Lindsay Hoekstra

I never would have known or used the word cathexis without you. MSJ = MCM

Divad Kong

Damn.. Well that was simultaneously a great piece of art and something else I'm not too sure what.

Enk

I can't add much that that hasn't already been said here. About the time I started listening was shortly after moving to a foreign country, then promptly getting locked down for 18 months. So I'm trapped in this Germanic submarine, at the bottom of the ocean, unemployed and alone for much of it. This podcast has quite literally kept my mind alive. It is one of the most truly compassionate sane, funny, true things I've heard, ever, by way of delineating in a true way, how cruel and insane the world that we're just supposed accept is in all its loveless, dumb hideousness. Take a break. If you wanna keep working at it, maybe just shorter episodes? The only way my subscription is going away is some fascist pries it outta my cold, dead hands. Take care of yourself, friend, and thank you.

Divad Kong

Thanks for releasing it. Maybe somewhat pertinent to the topic of what is irony in the end times of a culture was my attempt to address this subject during the terminal phase of my foray into being a cultural producer as I was enrolled in a creative writing university course which was based around the concept of is it possible to have an ironic wank, the answer being no, you're just wanking. After that disgusting experience I realised happiness in this stage of culture is to not even attempt to engage on a real level although sometimes i still do and I sure as fuck appreciate the hell out of the rare beasts like you who power through it and make something that resonates with us all who can only stare at the train wreck like the crash at crash, knowing full well of the certainty of flying metal and horror but hoping to somehow escape the shrapnel.

Divad Kong

Also I have no problem at all if you take the quarter mill and release some actually ironical shit with the call her daddy crowd. I would enjoy it, although you sound like that might be bad for your health which is the only worthwhile possession to have. Why not quit podcasting and come hang out in the Highlands of Scotland where the demons of the terroir are water smoothed and less thirsty than your lot?

Marsha Pimentel

You are one of the rarest combinations of brilliance, humor, proponent of art, and a pure truth seeker and you give us who listen to you something priceless. I’m so glad I found you through true anon. Sending you every positive thought and intention Michael. You deserve it all and we need you

Garrett Bolin

Won't be unsubscribing anytime soon, much love to ya brother michael

Michael O'Leary

Thank you for sharing this, MSJ. Everything you said in this episode made sense. I just want to echo what a lot of people have said here: you have a lot of fans who will stay subscribed to your Patreon if you feel you need to take some time off. Maybe some of us came here via other shows, but it's YOUR talent, knowledge, and insight - and your obvious concern for your fellow human beings - that got people to subscribe and have made so many people come to care about you.

Jerry Stahl

A transcendent performance. You have attained Jack Nicholson in The King of Marvin Gardens status. Or, to paraphrase the late great Hubert Selby, "You can't bounce till you hit the bottom... And the bottom is bottomless."

Andrew Rassling

Michael, I hope you get to sleep soon. And I will wish sweet and soothing dreams your way. Or maybe just dreams where you get brain. Whatever you need brother. You're a good person and a 5 star pimp of pods.

DH

Man, you could come out with one episode every 2 years and I'd still be subscribed. You do what you have to do to take care of yourself, we'll still be here

laihall

Thinkin of you man. I hope you’ve been able to rest since releasing this. All the best from canada

justdave

My name is David James Koch, I'm a platinum blonde bass, piano, and guitar player from reno nv, I once sang on stage with the dead Kennedys and have played stand up bass in Carnegie hall, we should hang out.

Nate Sloan

Thank you so much Michael for taking the time to put out an episode despite the circumstances. It seems like we are really trapped in this permanent stasis between irony and sincerity, with misunderstandings of the terms everywhere. It seems appropriate here to point out the way that the call for a new sincerity advocated for by David Foster Wallace in the ‘90s, against the prevailing “irony” of his day, was itself taken up by Michael Schur, a producer of the US version of the Office. Whether the dominant mood is of sincerity or ironic distance, neither it seems can escape the all-encompassing stasis of Capitalist Realism

HEATHER

I love you

Kelley Hoefer

I've been trying since you released this podcast to find something helpful to say. Words fail me. I hope you are not going through this suffering alone. It is so strange, this form of communication, to receive a message of such sincere intimacy from someone I've never met and probably never will meet and yet not be able to reach out in solidarity and offer comfort back. All I can say is the work you do adds real meaning to my life and I feel a kind of desperate relief when you release a monologue. Relief that you are still alive.

Luke

Michael, I hope you know how much you mean to me and the rest of us. Since finding your show through True Anon, I’ve gone back to listen to damn near every episode, because I have yet to find a show with this level of detail and artistry. There are lots of conspiracy and cultural critique shows out there, but none have ever managed to not just contain some of the best breakdowns of deep events in history, but a perfect encapsulation of how it *feels* to live in a society shaped by these events with the knowledge that most people are gaslit out of seeing things for how they are. The gnawing pit in our chest that grows each time we have to speak to people who believe the gaslighting, especially those who believe just *some* of it, to retain an image of “sanity”. That internal spinning like a blender in the gut when the image of credibility trumps any serious investigation into anything at all, when loved ones turn on cable news every night, knowing that it’s all paid for by Ad revenue and controlled by the state to retain access to it’s “experts” and has lied to catastrophic consequence over and over again… and they’ll look at you like *you’re* the crazy one for wanting to pull your hair out listening to the bullshit spewed about how “conspiracy theorists who don’t trust the media are destroying democracy”. I could listen to True Anon or Chapo and they’ll commiserate to be sure, but your work is downright cathartic. You paint a picture that matches exactly how we all feel. You don’t shy away from the topics that will still get you called a moron by smug assholes on reddit for even bringing up, let alone discussing with any nuance; and because you don’t shy away from it, it has paved the way for other shows to be bolder. And none of them come close to your mastery of language to connect with not only how most of us *do* feel in light of the truth of things, but how we logically *should* feel. And I just wanna say, it is beyond valuable. You’re truly one of the greats so I just want to say what others have said, take all the time you need to take care of yourself because you provide a service no one else does. I don’t care for how many months it is, I’m staying subbed. Namaste, my guy.

hamburglar

Have you tried CBD? Just kidding of course. It hurts to hear you suffering, I hope this passes and The Killer can eat my ass.

Geoffrey long

I really respect that you put this out and showing us a very raw version of your thinking. I am going to support you both on Paetron and other platforms regardless of your immediate output. Take care of yourself because you are a force of nature.

Brandon Hoffman

echoing the others before me but i am here until this isn’t. it is a gift and so consistently affecting. much much love

John McElroy

Michael, a few thoughts. First, listening to your pain and how you make sense of it (guiding us through your experience) is not only thought provoking but empathy provoking. I hope you are able to find enough moments of solace or satisfaction to balance out the fatiguing weight on your chest cavity. However, we all conspire to agree that life is messy, unkempt and an unpredictable mix bag of fear, anger, joy and coherence. In this reality, maybe we should consider that our “best selves” or most influential thoughts can and do come at inconvenient times. And it is this reason I admire your work - it can be as cogent as a 5 part piece of Presidential bone or the 4th Reich and it can be messy grinding through the noise of John Mayer, Donald Rumsfeld or the stories of Nirvana. It’s real and honest - and I’m a sucker for the verisimilitude! Keep on rockin MSJ!

Ted B

Hope youre soon feeling well and better king and if not I hope it's just round the corner

Timothy Massar

I am a broken man, too. I too know that monster on my chest everynight, sleepless nights, sleep deprivation and it's tortures. MSJ, you're my hero for recording and posting this.

y4lemom

I appreciate your work so much, it has done so much for me. I really hope you can get your rest soon.

Joe White

Love to you, bud

David Schilmoeller

I think you're brilliant and cutting and I'm proud to support your work. My own mental health fun revolves around money and scarcity-- so I want you to know that the gravy choo-choo from this little patron is just going to keep on chugging. Here's hoping your brain-instrument cools to 'green' or 'yellow' or a nice 'blood-orange' soon, but however she blows checks are getting mailed. Wishing you sound rest and health!

becca hill

The spine still flows <3

becca hill

Also I snorted when you said “I don’t think I have enough money to ‘construe’ anything.”

John Turnbull

I'll add to the pile of love Michael; nobody else is doing what you're doing. It's important that someone do it. Wishing you luck in all the battles you fight; you're fighting for more than yourself

Shiv

As many others have said, we love what you do, you’re a human being who deserves care and wellness and not a content machine, and we support downtime in these comments. 💜

Renee Leath

Don't apologize for brokenness. You don't have to be whole again. Sometimes when you break, you stay broken, and that's okay. We love the broken pieces just as much as the whole. Nobody's life has the same outcome. So if you stay broken or if you become whole once again or land somewhere in between, it's all good by us. Take the time you need. We'll be here when you get back.

Gregory

I love you man

Lukas McCutcheon

Look man, I really hope you’re alright. You could probably expect that from me, if not all of us. And it’s ridiculous to try and cheer you up (and for me to try and cheer someone up, really) but when I’m, uh, “my version of” where it sounds like you’re at, the absolutely only thing that can seem to do anything for me is reminding me that I can still laugh. So, let me first tell you that I read a 21 year old Batman mini-series recently about an anti-hero para-military group that enters Gotham to seek out vigilante heroes and they are led by a guy named…wait for it…David Atlee Redmun. Also, the 7/26 episode of Chapo all about Shooter by Mark Wahlberg was instantly one of my, like, five favorite episodes of the show ever. It’s fucking amazing. I really hope you’re alright but I think my well wishes are worth exactly nothing so hopefully some chuckles will help.

Kendall

I won’t deign to match the eloquence of the previous commenters, but suffice to say we are all here, and we will be, whenever you are ready to lead us through the next concentric/infernal circle. But—speaking of the Florentine and the Guide, where can we access your translation of the Commedia?

Jaime Christley

Michael, listen to me: I've been where you are. There's only one solution, and that is to surrender yourself to someone who will kick your ass into living and looking forward to things. I don't know if that's Jesus or some big-titted truck driver named Sue, it really doesn't make a difference. You shouldn't be behind the wheel. Pull over instead of crashing. You want to end up like what, John Garfield's character in FOUR DAUGHTERS, the dark/witty ne'er-do-well pianist/composer who martyrs himself in a single-vehicle crash so he won't bring his woman down along with him? That's coffee four days old.

Tony

this year has been the most difficult of my life, i'm obviously not alone in that regard. as matt says, maybe its time to log off. i've been listening for years now, man. i remember writing to you on your blog years ago when i was living in Lawrence, asking if you'd ever considered moving there. i love you, in some sort of way. the sort of way where even though i know our lives may look very different on a micro level, on a macro level we're isotopic. we all are. fuck man i wouldve gotten you groceries or literally anything. i hope you've got someone out there looking after you, and if you dont then i can only hope they're somewhere on your horizon.

dimdimKing

I'm a fresh subscriber, just wanted to add some support.

Alexander Deley

Hey Michael, never written in before, but I hope things are going better for you now. Take as much time away as you need if you need to in the future - I will still be here. You put out a great show and no reason to run yourself ragged, especially if your health is tanking.

Luccia Moira

every episode of this show illuminates some many new avenues of thinking for me I hope you are doing as well as you can right now, and please don't feel obligated to apologize; we're getting great stuff

Cletus Bocephus

Thank you for everything you do, Michael.