Home
Creators
Search Recent Missing Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

end-of-year advice ep <3 (Patreon)

Published:
2023-12-02 00:09:37
Imported:
2026-06

Content

hi binchies!

we're preparing to record an end-of-year bonus ep where we answer some advice questions. leave your troubles below. 

xoxo E+J 

Comments

Carla Golderer

How do I handle being back home with my family for a month😳

Sophie

How to combat the seasonal depression of it all 🥲

Emma Lucy

how to find a gf as a fat lesbian

Brianna Marie

advice on being in your 20s and being pulled in several different directions to take your life queens

Areej Khan

How to stop craving romantic love and not give into people telling you to lower your standards for it 😍

KE

new job in a new city!

johanna

how to stifle my inferiority complex ??

ruth c

advice on making new friends? looking to join a book club or find some binchies in the seattle area but never know where to start/look!!!!

Anya Kelly

Unrelated but can yall plzzzzzzz watch the clearing on Hulu and discuss

lils

how do u make friends as an adult

Sophie

Eliza cat product recs?

Olivia Libbey

My friend and I are starting up our podcast (Teachers Pet Podcast on Spotify) and would love some advice for those starting in the pod world!! What was the easiest thing for y’all? The hardest?

Camryn Frye

How to stop hating men for long enough to give dating a chance….

Abigail

Thoughts on what to do after leaving college/entering the real world after being in school for so long?

matheson

how to self love. like how do you get over being so embarrassing and hating yourself to the fullest extent

Areej Khan

How to not feel age pressure as a WOMAN

marisa

How do you handle insecurities? I feel uncomfortable in myself all the time! And a girlie wants to grow this year

kat

cowbinches!! any advice for working a nine to five. specifically in terms of how to not want to kill myself

salami

binchiessssss i’m so tired and sleepy and i have no energy and nothing makes me feel fulfilled and no matter how much i talk to my therapist i can’t wake uppppppp in under a wet blanket. how do i find inspiration to exist again bebz!????

izzy

how do you cope with having feelings for one of your besties and how do you know whether its worth making a move or not

Taylor

NEED advice on how to not spend all my money at all times (advice will be appreciated and likely ignored) thanksssss ❤️

Jackamo Bailey

eliza how do i deal with my feral, fluctuating emotions for my new cat pls </3

Katie Kuo

How to grieve a parent that is still living? I’ve been trying for 7 years and still haven’t figured it out. (I know you won’t not have the answers but any advice is appreciated)

Kaitlyn and Sophie

Julia: thoughts on providence college? Providence girlies ✌️

Pagrocrag

What is your preferred way to express empathy to someone important to you, when you know you can’t fix the problem or take away their pain?

tulip

how to deal with perfectionism

Julie Bobyock

What to do when you move to a new city for a girlboss job and your bf moved with you but he hates it there 🙃🙃

Maddie Turner

how to leave a situationship you keep coming back to?

ag

How to deal with your best friend dating a man whose a literal WALKING red flag? She will complain to me about all these horrible things he does and I support her and allow her to make her own decisions, but it’s hard when she’s asking me directly what i think about him, etc. for context she’s 23 he’s 36 year old divorcee who plays the silent treatment constantly and blames every communication problem he has on his ex-wife, i mean come onnnnn

Katie Beer

any ways to train a man to stop doing man things? i.e. wiping his ass with the door open. It’s sickening. And he does not understand that i do not want to see him wipe his ass or take a dump. I’ve tried to explain and it’s not clicking. I also don’t want him to walk into the bathroom when I’m using the John. Maybe this is godly wife vibes but i do not need to be sharing bathroom experiences with my partner 🫣

Jasmine Danielle

How to deal with negative feedback at work when you feel you're doing everything right

sonny

I work in dementia care and have a young patient that’s in love with me and my coworkers call me his gf. I reconnected with an old friend and started seeing him and he is completely paralleled to my patient bestie when he was this age…I didn’t do this on purpose and idk how to feel…

Shannon P

how to deal with dissociation tendencies…. Like how to stay present when your first instinct is to detach and feel unreal 😵‍💫

Kendall

What are some of your fav conversation topics with people you’ve never met? Pls help this extremely socially insecure gal who just wants to make friends in her late 20’s (y is it so hard)!!! 🫡

kate burns

advice on establishing boundaries with your parents after moving out?? i’m 20 and my mom calls me at least once a day i know she’s probably lonely but it’s getting to be too much for me

carol ✩

how to maintain college friendships? its my semester semester transferring to a 4-year university (living alone) and i meet people and it always seems to fizzle out.. the loneliness is killing me :,)

Annabelle Brown

How to date in your 20s, breaking up with flopulos men, healing your attachments, heartbreak, etc!! 🌷🌷🌷

grace

Not seeking advice, but can we get your comment on George Santos being kicked out of office ?

emily

I’m working in hospitality (10 years now, 26y/o woman) and also going through a breakup in a foreign country. i’m really struggling to find something to do after a shift to let off steam and socialise without having a drink, especially because i don’t want to veer into the path of serial monogamy since i’m so young, any advice would be so appreciated xx

Alyssa Keown

If the Masters programs I applied to reject my dumb ass, what is a good career that makes decent money and does not require grad school

Bella Maddy and Mikayla

My roommate is besotted with a man who us 3 other roommates get bad vibes from. She wants our opinions and agrees that our concerns are valid, but when she’s with him she suddenly turns a blind eye. They aren’t dating yet but he is always at our place and we are starting to hate it. Do we just have to let it play out?

Katelyn Fletcher

I just got a cat (a black cat named Hemlock🩷) cat food/litter/toy/treat recs??

Olivia Ramos

Hey binchies, have either of you guys ever struggled with financial insecurity?? no matter how much money I have in my savings account or my checking I constantly feel like I don’t have enough, and I am always in a place of scarcity, plz help

Finlay Rowan Seddon

do you guys have a PO box i wanna knit yall christmas and hanukkah gifts

Cassidy Martens

I just started dating my girlfriend about 2 months ago. We go to the same college. She is an absolute angel and she treats me so well and I love her BUT I’m about to be studying abroad for spring semester and I’m so nervous about it. I’m a #anxiouslyattached girly and I genuinely don’t know how to cope with doing distance / if it is dumb to try

Genevieve Hulshof

how to claim some individuality / express your creativity more on a mental and money budget

Delphie Backs

what do you do if you feel like ppl don’t match your energy … like what do you do if you always give more in friendships / relationships and it makes you sad …

Ellen

Any advice on how to stop doom scrolling and live in reality? Been on my phone so much recently and I can feel my mental state declining!!!

Florence

Hard to find contentment when the world is constantly throwing me battles of social/financial/health struggles. It’s like watching your dreams slip out of grip. I still have plenty of faith that I will succeed on my path, find good friends, and be more stable. How do the two of you find light in the fight?

Taylor Eastwood

eliza! things that surprised you about living w a man or tips to keep the relationship strong without turning into just roommates or anything tangentially related. i’m moving in with my bf next year and we’re SO excited 💗💗

Madieeeeee

How to win IDGAF war when haters hate like that 🥸

Emma Visker

safely securing a sugar daddy…? asking for a friend🫥

Natalie Nagy

date ideas in a small town with shitall to do!!!!

Augusta

How to deal with an immediate family member who you have trauma from/is generally shitty to you (but still have to spend time with)

Tara Shabazaz

i’m about to graduate college a semester early have no idea what to do with my life and i am gripped with so much DREAD i literally feel like i’m going to fall into a void and die… would love some binchie reassurance

Savana Fuchs

Moving away from all your friends but not having time or energy to form new deep friendships in the city you live in now. My partner and I both love spending time together but all our friends live in different states. It would be nice to have other friends to hang out with in person, but I already have my little group of friends that I devote all my friendship energy to… they just happen to be several hundred miles away.

Beya

I’m trying to embrace my single hot young girl hood but still in love with my ex..we broke up so we could experience not being in a relationship (both early 20s who have been in relationships for much of teenage years) but we still love eachother. Help !

Shannon O'Brien

How to feel when you didn't accomplish most of your goals this year and feel stagnant and stuck? I tried to accomplish some, but my next step requires other people to help me, so it's harder. I've also only ever worked retail, and I hate it sm, so I'll end up kinda almost deliberately getting fired so that I don't have to work for awhile, but then I'll need money so I'll have to work retail, and the cycle continues. I have my Bachelors but can't get any other type of job. Retail doesn't pay enough either, so it doesn't feel worth it to give up all my free time and suffer for barely any pay.

Marlee

this might be too specific but how do you handle having a therapist who doesn’t talk much? i try to sit with the silence and be comfortable with it but sometimes it’s too much. do i just need to find a new therapist or am i the problem

Katelyn Fletcher
>>123536231

Vit D pills, sun lamp, and putting a fire place vid on the TV if you don't have access to an actual fireplace (it makes you feel cozy instead of sad)

Genevieve Hulshof

tips for reducing phone use (im no joke either always listening to a podcast or on twitter, slack, or my email even when i don’t have messages 🫣

savannah

Winter vibe recs so i do not sink into the depths of another seasonal depression !!!!!

libby

sciatica advice 😭😭

Marlee

also - how do you resist overspending when every social media app is basically an online marketplace for useless shit you don’t really need to buy? especially tiktok, holy shit

Genevieve Hulshof

making friends in a post college world when everyone else has moved and your job sucks all your energy

Emily Zell

I live with my bf and my fam doesn’t know! Hey binchies I need your advice. I’m 24 and I moved in with my bf in September and it’s going really well. His parents know we live together but my parents don’t. I was raised super religious and they would not like it at all and my mom and I are barely on speaking terms for other reason as is bc I’m a heathen. My BF and his parents and me are kind of tired of trying to hide it/his parents are terrified they’ll accidentally give it away when we they hang out together. It’s weird to hide it but I don’t want to deal with the bullshit of telling them and I kind of want to see how long I can ride this out…..til we get married? Who knows. Would love you ladies’ thoughts.

Annie Gleason

wondering how to not lose yourself in a relationship// how to not get stressed about having a crush! is it okay that i’m thinking about a boy all the time? yikes!

Nina Caradonna

This is an email i had just typed the other day to mail to you guys and it is a big thank you for eps like julia’s heart break episodes and your ep on attachment styles. Hello Mother Binches 🧎🏽‍♀️ I love the pod dearly I’ve been listening since the very early covid days! ❤️ Let me apologize in advance for this very longggg email. I have been sitting on this story that I’ve been dying to tell you all since it happened. It’s a story of the classic avoidant/anxious attachment style relationship, a 6 year relationship that began senior year of high school, being held stationary at a time that you are trying to grow up and get your shit together, and ultimately being lied to so severely that it puts you right back in therapy (where my ass belongs tbh). I had been with my high school boyfriend all the way up until November of last year when unfortunately it came to a very bitter end. We had been long distance almost the entire time because of college but since we’re obviously from the same home town, COVID brought us a break from the separation for a good while. Although we were still pretty young at the time (21 and 20) by 2021 we were both done with school and it had been my hope (and assumption I guess) that this entire time we’d been working towards moving in together, building a life with one another, and FINALLY just getting uninterrupted time that wasn’t constantly on a timer because of distance. It unfortunately became really obvious to me how avoidant he truly was when we were finally both living in the same area for an extended period of time after almost 6 years at this point. Any time I even brought up the idea of us moving in together or hypothetical talks about our future/marriage/where we might move to together, he would get extremely uncomfortable and try to avoid the topic altogether. This was so frustrating because I really loved him and wanted nothing more than to get our young lives started as PARTNERS! Although I’m extremely self-critical (according to my therapist) i never once thought the mere discussion of these things was too much to ask for and he could never fully express or communicate why he didn’t want to talk about this kind of thing. After 6 years together I could not find a valid reason for us to not discuss such things and one night I broke down to him over this and exclaimed “all I want is a life with you” and I should have known it was over in this moment when I felt him judging me for that statement. To make this very long story a little bit shorter, during his last year of school (2020) which was mostly online because of covid, he decided to take an internship out of state that would last a semester. I was genuinely excited for him and even encouraged him to take that position over another that was a bit closer to home. This put a LOT of strain on our relationship, i felt very isolated because i was back in my parent’s house, and i practically lived on facetime trying to connect with him and all of my friends that were spread across the country. When I would call him in the evenings it was like i was a huge nuisance and he couldn’t wait to get off the phone. We had a conversation when he came back after the internship was over and he opened up about how terrible he felt for the way he treated me, I didn’t even bring it up but I was like, ya period you were an ass hole but we’ve moved on and you’re back so lets just refocus where we want this relationship to go. Unfortunately it never did right itself. Fast forward to March 2022 he had received an offer about 6 months prior from this internship he took out of state for a two year position working on a grant project for the company. The money was good but it was only part time. We discussed it in terms of what that meant for us, I was almost done getting my masters in teaching and due to where i was in the program it was too late for me to switch the state where i would obtain my license, I hd already completed my student teaching in my home state. So we reached an “agreement” that this was not the right opportunity for us and he was going to look for in-state jobs. So…it’s March 2022, about 6 months later, and his mother, my mother and I are all going to volunteer to assemble medical packages to be shipped to Ukraine at the time. We are driving together and his mother asks me if i had heard how his call with (the company he interned for) had gone. The car started spinning. What FUCKING call? I thought to myself. I quietly just told her no I hadn’t heard anything and simmered on my anger, betrayal, and completely shattered heart. He was going, and he had made that decision without me. The kicker was that he was set to leave only two months from the day I found out. Time to cut to the chase. I did not speak to him for like 75% of the time that lead up to him leaving and I should have stuck with my ultimatum which was “if you go, this is over because I can’t do a distance relationship anymore and I can’t be with someone who keeps massive secrets from me.” It is easier said than done to leave a relationship that has lasted so long and become a source of comfort in many ways even if the last 1-2 years had been pretty shit. I gave it one last shot until I finally reached such a severe point of burnout. The last two months we were together we barely talked. Not once did he fight to hold together what was left. And I think it was clear I had no energy left to do that for the both of us. The happy almost ending is that I am now with somebody who is attentive in all the ways I have longed for in my relationships and I’m ✨healing✨ thanks to being back in therapy and my man’s support and secure love. If I’ve learned anything from this that I could pass onto others it’s knowing when to let go!! It probably should have ended two years sooner than it did but dragging it out made it so much more painful. And QUEEN JULIA your episodes on heartbreak and healing were frequently on repeat in the wake of this and helped tremendously. With love, Nina PS y’all should do an ep on the birth order—specifically eldest daughters, lmk when because I have A LOT to say.

Marlee

ok one more lol: perfume recs from both of u? i would also love to hear more about eliza’s experience working in a perfume store and y’all’s favorite fragrances 💕

Becky

advice for meeting people organically? (specifically with dating) dating apps are so dehumanizing and i always end up ghosting (bad i know). i feel like no one talks to eachother in person anymore

kat

how to not feel isolated when living in your hometown post college and all your friends now live far away😭😭making new friends in my 20s feels so hard living in the same small town I’ve lived my whole life, and it feels impossible to build community/have a social life beyond just hanging out w my mom (who does slay don’t get me wrong)

em

How to distinguish whether you and a partner have too different of futures to make it work? especially if you’ve been together a long time?

noelle

Hi binchies!! I am a 20 year old college student and am currently really deep in somatic therapy and IFS for my trauma and chronic illnesses. I am seeking advice on how you guys are trying/have succeeded in developing intimate and fulfilling relationships with yourself? Especially with a busy work/school life, in which time spent by yourself is usually spent recovering and resting.

Natasha stekl

Idk if either of you have any experience with this but how do you deal with having immediate family members that have fundamentally different opinions and world views than you? Like i feel like I’ve been struggling a lot recently on like feeling helpless about things happening in the world and trying to change the opinions of my family members who see things so differently and it’s really affecting my relationships with them more broadly - maybe this is all just about like accepting that your parents / family isn’t perfect and has different views but I feel like some kinda pressure to try to change their views all the time and there is just tension in our relationship that has never been there before (I feel like part of this is ppl on social media being like you aren’t doing your job if you aren’t fighting to educate every person in your life but idk) what do you binchies think?

Marlee

how do you find your spiritual beliefs? i do not resonate with the religion i grew up in (christianity), but i do feel like i am a spiritual person. i just have no idea what i believe !! i love eliza’s takes on spirituality and im curious to know how you developed your view on the universe lolz!

Jules

how to not go insane from heartbreak

Abby Ellison

i’m graduating from college in may and need binchie wisdom on where to go from here. how do i find a career that fulfills me? how do i stay connected with the wonderful people i met in college?

Emily Mallough

going through a breakup in the winter months:( how do I like myself more/build a better relationship with myself? Seeing a lot of comments about craving romantic love/ trying to have self love. Hoping all fellow commenters and binchies can find a part of themselves to love today<3

Celeste

I would love if you guys were willing to talk about times in your life where you may have realized that a person you thought you knew / were really close with turns out to maybe not be the friend you thought they were. Extra points if their m*n was the cause of it. How did you come to terms with/navigate that? Did you decide to leave things there, did you ever wish you reached out? Currently experiencing the most confusing friend breakup of my life lmao. Mourning a friend you realize may have never actually been a friend is something i think a lot of us can probably relate to.

Abby

Winter essentials recs for a girl living in CO who grew up in LA

Meg Twigg

what song should i play for my bebe in utero (they will be a godly wife, we listen all the time) to ensure they come out cool as fuck? my husband chose a mahler symphony which is good ig but i want my contribution to make them a chill lil dude

Katherine Wynn

BEGGING julia for grad school advice for adhd binchies, i know it’s been discussed before but i just sent in my applications for history programs and am #afraid

Liz

I just graduated from college in May and I’m about 6 months post grad and I feel like I am going insane and I hate my job what do I do

Adelaide Rava

How do you get past feeling like you’ll never really have friends? I’ve spent my whole life waiting for the next “big stage” of life where everyone finds their forever besties, and it never feels like I can connect or that people like me. I love who I am, this doesn’t come from a self hating place. I just feel so alien from other people and their interests. I just end up giving up on trying to find friends and I’m so tired of feeling so lonely.

Alana

How can I explain to my very republican dad that my college classes are not brainwashing me😭

Nicole Sanna

how to get over the end of a situationship of 8 months with the first man who has made you feel really comfortable / good about yourself (it’s been 3 months and i still think about him constantly 😵‍💫). he used to listen to the pod so shout outtt

Owen

Hi binchholes❤️❤️❤️ How do I grapple with wanting to move out of state for my own personal growth (I’ve lived in Ohio my whole life) while having a huge and loving family that I will miss terribly (I’m the youngest of 8 kids and have 9 nieces and nephews)

josie!
>>123536894

I second this!! living in a college town, dating apps are bleak and make me feel horrible but finding community spaces can also be difficult

Bren

For Eliza… how can you tell the difference between avoidant tendencies and your intuitive feelings? I literally cannot tell the difference at this point

Caity Ladda

Is it possible to be friends with an ex if the breakup was situational? Needing your thoughts and any tidbits/things that have truly helped you move on from relationships in the past/how to deal with the holiday being single blues. thanks mothers xoxo

Celeste
>>123537133

100% relate to this. It's even weirder when you thought u had such a progressive family growing up and one day ur like ... so who raised me... stay strong girl!

maya

What do you do when your insecurities are partially true? I can never try to address my most harmful traits without this horrible feeling of dread and worthlessness. It feels like I'm either nice to myself and ignore self destructive tendencies I already have or try to address the insecurities and become self destructive in my internal monologue! How do you not wreck your perception of yourself while trying to improve yourself?

girlypop

please advise: found out recently that i have a half sister from my sperm donor. i am 24 she is 23 and we just follow each other on ig. im not rlly looking to b besties w her but i want to connect just because that would b cool idk! she told me she would call me in october and still hasnt reached out. should i just let it go or reach out to her? and if so what the hell do i even say? we live in diff states so i cant jus b like lets get a coffee lol

Dynasti deGouville

How to stop thinking that everyone in your inner and outer circle hate you? Bonus: how to stop fixating on every tiny embarrassing thing that you have ever done in a miserable cringe spiral?

Milan Curtis

how to know if you date men because you’re attracted to them or because it’s easier

Chloe Johnson

How to decide when it’s time to move back home? I moved across the country after I graduated for a job that I’ve found really fulfilling but I have an opportunity coming up to move closer to my family. I always meant this move to be short term but I can’t tell if I’m ready to close this chapter yet. I would love any insight or advice <3

Cristina
>>123536392

My ex would leave piss droplets on the floor in front of the toilet. Drove me insane. Took a very long time to train him to clean up after himself.. still divorced him in the end lol

Katie Beer
>>123536392

Oh he cleans up after himself fine and that is a whole different level….Hygiene/clean up isn’t a concern here but PRIVACY definitely is😫

freya
>>123537799

reach out you’ll always be curious otherwise no? she could have hundred valid reasons for forgetting to call

Cherry Mae

when is it time to cut off my zipcoding relationship with my ex bf :0

girlypop
>>123537799

this is tru! i jus dont want to bug her if she doesnt want to talk to me but i wont know til i try ig!

Audrey Elliott

how to have fun in a boring town without being an alcoholic?

Ffion

How to stay silly in spite of it all?

rachel

how do you stand up against creepy men while you’ve worked customer facing jobs in the past/dealing w creepy coworkers too

Willow

Hey ladies!! Literally last night I was like “ugh I need binchtopia to do an advice ep so I can ask this” and YAY I MANIFESTED! Warning: this will be long. I’ve never been concise a day in my life. I’m 26, living in a city I love (San Francisco) working remotely for a company I love. I know I have a crazy unique special living situation: nearly all of my best friends from college and I live in a 3 block radius from each other. I love my roommate a lot and am super happy with my life here. This is a strong contrast from my previous living situation: graduated from college June 2020 (COVID grad binchies wya!!), moved back home to Seattle where I immediately moved into my own apartment. I lived here for 2 years, the first year of that I spent living in my apartment unfurnished (supply chain floppp), no social life bc of lockdowns, and started my career remotely which came with its own set of challenges. I spent nearly all of my free time with my parents (that’s a whole other story.. think enmeshment vibes) So now I LOVE LIFE!! I love sf more than Seattle, love my roommate, love my friends, my apartment, all of the things. I’m doing great at my job, on track for a promotion, doing exciting work. The problem: my friends are starting to move out of the city (reasons include significant others, grad school, change of scenery.. they have all lived here 1-3 years longer than me) and my roommate is most likely moving for work as well. I’m feeling suuuper confused about what I want to do next. Option 1: I love living with my roommate and I know she wants me to move with her. But she will be moving to somewhere I don’t really have any interest moving to (think red state, 120° summers, average age is over 65). Also, when we moved to SF, we were both gaining something (all of our connections in SF). If I move with her, she will have her coworkers and I will have no one. She will go to the office and I will continue working remote. Option 2: stay in SF. I really do love this city but I don’t know if part of the reason I love it so much is bc of the magic of having all of my friends here. Will I like it as much when they are gone? I haven’t done a great job of making connections with new people in the 2 years I’ve lived here so I really only have my core group of college friends. Option 3: move back to Seattle. I know this would be the best move for my career and I’ve never worked in office before since I’ve been remote since 2020. I travel to the office every few months and have a great time with my coworkers and so many amazing career opportunities I’ve had have come from a one off happy hour after work. I can’t imagine what would happen if I was in office all the time. But the issue with this is that since living outside of Seattle, I realize I don’t like it as much as other places I’ve lived. Maybe it’s just because I grew up there, but I don’t feel like it’s somewhere I belong anymore. I also fear reverting back into old ways with my family if I move there. I don’t want them to expect me to come home every weekend to spend time with them. I think they forget I’m an adult with my own life and living in a different state has truly been the only way I’ve been able to separate myself from them (maybe I’m not giving them enough grace and things will be different after 2 years). I also fear that once I move to Seattle I’ll be stuck there forever and I’ll never move again (I know this is unrealistic but it’s what my brain is telling me). SOOOO yeah that’s all! Feeling super confused! I feel like I know what the *right* option is but I have fomo for the other options. Love you both!! Thanks for reading this novel 💖💖💖

Celeste
>>123537332

Should clarify their m*n being involved actually means their m*n smashed my television ... i wish i was joking lmao

Sop

How to handle yourself/ not go feral and foam at the mouth post college— when you’re not living in a communal/ hyper social setting anymore & for the first time have to make totally new friends in a new place by yourself… it’s kind of the first time where community isn’t “handed” to you, and its up to you to make it … while also trying to figure out what you want to do with yourself job wise… much to consider in these times

Sop
>>123538771

Also I have a baby recommendation you guys really need to watch sara plus twins cuz those babies will make you giggle up a storm

Marisa

Do y’all ever feel imposter syndrome doing the pod? I have been dealing with that a lot working in a digital media field and trying so desperately to find a new job. It’s hard when it feels like anyone can do your job in the digital landscape nowadays.

hannah

things to feel good in spite of it all - products, clothes, movies, books, tv shows that spark joy for you (because after all we live in a capitalist society)

hannah

how to tragically seduce the cute boy i sit next to in class (im a senior in hs lol) also for context it turns out our grandma's who live across the country from us are somehow friends (jewish geography is true magic) and it feels so invisible string and tbh i know he has no one else pursuing him but i just dont know how to make anything happen - sorry this is so niche but send help!

Cait

Heyyy so my ex boyfriend was my best friend of 4 years (together 2 of them) and he’s deeply ingrained into all of my friend groups, my current boyfriend wants me to keep him blocked on everything and i have no problem with that but I’m afraid keeping him blocked will make things weird in the group chats/group hangouts. Unsure of how to handle this situation

Claire Alonso

hello bincheroos! advice for an unemployed queen applying to her next pragmatic job position while also trying to live well and compose and record her first EP. I have a hard time dedicating time each day to writing and creating demos even though I'm not even working rn! I also find it difficult to not spend many of my waking hours with my partner, even though I need to be alone to work on my music (I live alone). I've had many self-inflicted jetlag groundhog day weeks. I'm unsigned, don't have a team, and am working on my fear of sharing unfinished works with my music friends so they can help me with producing. What systems do you put in place to feel well, relaxed, and motivated to create? thank you love yall!!!

Anna McKinzey

hi binchies! i’m currently in ed treatment and have made the decision to not go back to college when i’m discharged. while it’s nice to have that weight lifted off my shoulders, IM AFRAID. i’m planning on living at home for a bit then going back to my apartment and getting a job, but i don’t know what to say to family members/friends/literally anyone who asks when they’re questioning my life’s directions

sophie!

hi! i’m going to be housesitting for family friends in a month + it’s going to be my first time living without my family and by myself for a prolonged period of time. any advice or suggestions on anything from dinner ideas to how to deal with being by yourself would be appreciated

Kendra

i’m thinking of moving in with my boyfriend but i’m worried my cat will be lonely 🥺 Hello Binchies! So i currently live in a big wonderful old house with my two best friends, both of whom are bartenders. i myself work a 9-5 in the cannabis industry (shout out to my weed women out there🙌🏼). Fredrick, my sweet 2 year old feline daughter has only ever known this house. she was an infant baby when she was given to me at the dispo i was working at (literally a customer with a box of kittens made me a mother on an Easter sunday in 2021), and she’s lived here with me ever since. my bestie/roomie Matt, snuggles and loves on her every day while he’s home, makes coffee and reads with her on his lap, etc, as he usually works 8-late. i fell into the best love i’ve ever known last year, New Year’s Eve will be our 1 year anniversary, and i would love to move in with him this coming year. But i’m not gonna lie, i am SO worried that Fredrick is so attached to Matt and her all day snuggles that she will be lonely when my bf and i move her with us. My bf also works a daytime job so no one will be home with Fredrick to give her the snugs that she’s gotten used to with Matty over the years🥺. maybe i’m just an over-worried cat mama, but i figured Eliza might have some words of wisdom here. love you ladies sooo much and your beautiful minds, xoxo Kendra 🩷

Celine

hey!!!! i was wondering how y’all have dealt with imposter syndrome, especially in academia. i’m a stem student at a well known university and it’s been kicking in, especially in regards to my male peers and i’d love to know how y’all have gotten through it as you’re my wise queens.

Luca Jacoe

I am worried that my neighbours will get mad at me for smoking weed on my deck (I rent my place) how do y’all not be anxious about neighbours pls help

Sasha

L O L - suffering from my extremely amicable-both-still-in-love breakup! Have you guys ever experienced a breakup of that sort? Basically I was going off to uni (I’m English), and he was taking a gap year (aka travelling around the world), and as we are both 18 and each others first loves we decided that we respected the beauty of the relationship too much to try and stretch it out into long distance, especially because we are so young and everyone says go to uni single. Now I find myself thinking about him everyday, we have had no contact (something we agreed on) until October when we sent each other long but platonic / vibes of what you would write to your grandma emails with life updates. I feel like uni is the time to go crazy but I have only gw (got with =British slang for make out) with one guy - I don’t rlly have that much desire as I just want him. In my mind I keep saying we are going to get back together / that he is the one. Shall I see him when he gets back from his travels in February? Help for a young fresher please - also I would be very interested to hear about your experiences starting at college - how long it took you to settle in and find your people etc. lots of love, Sasha

Micaela

Creative advice on how to bounce back after a YEAR of FLOPPING: 2023 was likely the worst year of my life. Had a messy breakup, my friend totaled my car, my friend group (who I guess aren’t really my friends) basically ghosted me with no explanation while I’ve been going through it, and I’m isolated in my apartment due to working from home. Everything caused me to get super depressed, turn to bad coping mechanisms, and gain 25 pounds so now my clothes don’t fit lol. In no way am I victimizing myself, but I would love to hear thoughts on how you think I could turn things around. PS I am in therapy and on meds so seeking creative or drastic measures 🥹❤️

julia

How to deal with having moved to a new city and it being really disappointing and not living up to your expectations. Also am I boring or do i just not have the right friends

kenni

i’ve been STRUGGLING trying to figure out if i’m fundamentally unhappy or just need to leave my uni. plsss help

Emily M

What to do when you don’t know where to live as a fresh out of school 20-something. I work a remote job (blessed) so I could live anywhere. But I’m close with my family and struggle with balancing the desire to go far, experience life as a young person, and stay reasonably close to home so I can spend time with my aging parents and young nieces and nephews.

I

Landed my ‘dream job’ at my ‘dream company’ aged 23, now about to turn 27 and desperate to leave (shit pay, horrible hours, general disrespect) but totally disillusioned with the industry and also work generally; as the great olivia Rodrigo put it, ‘I got everything I wanted, it’s just not what I imagined’! How to find passion for something new when I’ve only ever wanted this exact career (I’m a capricorn, naturally) and my identity is entirely tied up in my cool-sounding job. Help!

Sarah Gwynn

Hii do I be an academic and career weapon next semester even tho I'm already super burnt out from this one? Or do I take it easier because productivity isnt the most important thing in life? - 5th year business major fantasizing about the end of the capitalist socioeconomic system 💙

kerrie

hiii I moved home recently due to some unfortunate family circumstances, I keep being called “selfless” by people but it almost makes me feel worse because I love my family and want to help them but Im scared im losing sight of my own life and future (im 22.. bad timing) and always thought I would make it out of my hometown (and still very much need to) but the derailment thats currently happening feels scary since everyone I know is out of their parents’ houses and have actual careers and jobs. hahahaha ik im late but help

Mimi Lou

how do i get over my 2 month situationship who doesn’t gaf about me but i care about deeply. need to win the idgaf war

Madeline Mauk

just how..? will the horrors become less horrible? will i stop feeling like a hamster on a wheel? should i buy myself a little treat?

ani

hi binchums!! Basically, am I the asshole for being mad that my bf spent 1k on a trip to see a WWE event even though we didn’t do anything to celebrate our 3 year anniversary because he didn’t have the funds. I’ve been with my bf for 3 years now and I love him so SO much, but in the time I’ve known him, he has had the same hospitality job that gives him legitimately 1-2 shifts A MONTH on average. He spends his days working on making a video game that he’s been working on for maybe 2 years now with little end in sight. Meanwhile I’ve always grinded shifts at my shitty minimum wage retail job to earn enough to save and have some spending money. In the past year I’ve graduated uni and landed a full time job, and I find myself paying for … everything… I don’t mind paying money proportionate to our incomes but a) it disappoints me he doesn’t make more of an effort to plan dates for us and b) it frustrates me that he doesn’t seem super serious about getting a new job (he applied for 3 things recently but didn’t fully apply himself and I ghostwrote one of his applications). Recently, he spent over $1K (AUD) on tickets to a WWE (wrestling) event and plane tickets to fly across the country to see it. I was happy for him but couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed that he had a grand to drop on this but we didn’t celebrate our anniversary because he had no money. I had told him I’d love something handmade as a gift, but he kept telling me he didn’t know what to make me. Finally, I gave (read: spoonfed) him an idea and he gave it to me 2 months later. Am I the asshole for being annoyed at all this? It’s his money to spend ofc and this is important to him, but I feel a little unloved (even after expressing my feelings abt this to him.) More broadly, what to do when you’re moving at different speeds than your partner? I want to build a life with someone but I can’t do it with someone who doesn’t have the will to get a job… but I love him???

kerrie
>>123537399

PUFFY COAT!!! gloves, beanies, snow brush/ice scraper if u have a car and LAYERS many layers

kerrie
>>123540950

I also have a CPTSD diagnosis for context without giving like… context ya know. also finishing college online and hatinggggg ittttt

Tulsi

How to deal with an evil boss when the job is great for my career but idk how long I can stand being emotionally abused?? My office is no exaggeration 80% men 💔💔 do I stay and make good connections or get out for my mental sanity

girlies on the go
>>123541150

i second autumn, girl pls dump him. the love of your LIFE would not treat you like this<3 with the upmost love & respect for you!!

EllyLC

How to stay focused at university with unmedicated ADHD

ida

how to cope with the aftermath of breaking up with my bf & quitting my job in a 48 hour period??? sag season hit me hard, both of these things are def the right move for me but i feel like i just burned my life to the ground lol. i'm going back to school & my family has offered to help me pay for it but i feel like a lazy pos anytime i have to accept money from someone, how can i reframe and enjoy this chaotic chapter?? am i dumb for changing everything?? love u guys i literally can't take a shower without listening to binchtopia

EllyLC
>>123541150

I know it's hard babe but you need to break up with him - he clearly doesn't prioritise you at all the way you have for him. I know you love him but it'll be hard for a while but you'll find someone to love again who can treat you better and prioritises you.

Mikayla Coronno

How to maintain a good work/life balance. Leaving a long-time service job that has gone to shit but was the best you’ve ever had. How to cope with moving into a big girl job.

Sarah

what to do when you're graduating college with a useless humanities degree and you can't get a job and you have to move back home right back where you started and now you wish you didn't go to school at all

roo

julia i’d love to know how you’re holding up post breakup. i know it’s been well over a year for you but i just hit my year breakup anniversary and I am truly feeling the weight of it all more than ever🥲

Kaylah

didn’t get into grad school and recently entered my ~mid 20’s~ and feeling super aimless and wanting to get into a career before my grandparents perish- words of encouragement, advice, etc pls anything helps

jordy

how do i motivate myself to keep learning after i graduate university? how do i discuss what i learn with others? where do i find guidance in these topics when i’m not in an academic setting?

Kikamimemlice

How the hell do I get back into dating without downloading those stupid apps 🤢

Che🌟

i love my boyfriend, but i’m not really attracted to him anymore. i love how affectionate we are, but whenever he tries to initiate sex i feel really turned off. is it time to leave him?

baby.yogurt
>>123541150

to be real, love isn't enough. it's not enough to hold a relationships together, there has to be equal effort on both sides, and obviously that isn't happening here. there's that saying "love isn't just a feeling, it's an action" and he's obviously not completing the action part. from the first couple sentences I could tell that this is not a healthy or sustainable dynamic. it's ok to love someone but to also recognize that they aren't capable of meeting ur needs, and to let go of that person because u Deserve someone doesn't make u feel unloved. and also someone who doesn't have u send in job apps for them.......u do not have to wait around for answers as to why he behaves that way, u can simply leave. best of luck with everything, don't put urself thru more of this girl <3

morgan

what to do when you’re five years deep into a relationship but feel like you never really got to date around

Melissa Zargon

Is it weird to tell my coworker he looks like my dad (I work in an office and I’m a 25 yr old teen)

baby.yogurt
>>123536352

this happened to me but in reverse, moved for my bf's job but now we live in a cringe military town lol I do not like it

baby.yogurt
>>123536260

I live near Seattle and am also in need of friends! also been trying to get myself to read again lately....

Sarah

Advice for moving across countries !

Olivia Alberta

Hi binchies❤️ I was wondering if you had any advice on how to overcome grieving a past version of yourself. My first year of college, I had a #traumatic incident happen to me and have truly struggled with overcoming the fact that I don’t have the same emotional bandwidth as I used to. Although the situation happened two years ago, it still follows me. I have continued to try to provide myself with compassion as I continue to heal. However, my academic performance has been very dicey since the situation and I haven’t been able to embark on various endeavors outside of an academic setting because I’m just barely passing as is. I do have a lot of shame for my inability to "get better" faster and I know this further amplifies my grief. But I was just wondering if maybe you have advice on feeling less stuck? Thank you❤️

yasmine

no advice, just thank you Eliza and Julia for this podcast, i don't think I could've survived this living hell without it, also anyone else who failed to achieve anything for an entire year, kisses I love you <3

Monica Parks

How do you get over the fear of starting something new? I know I need to leave my job but finding a new one is…daunting.

Sophie W

Advice about being single and not participating in hookup culture and feeling “‘bad” about it? Like I’m in my twenties and I know I’m supposed to be all “young and fun” but I just don’t think it’s healthy or fun to do for me personally… but I feel like I’m wasting fun years… help

Hannah

so im on my second bachelors degree (in South Carolina!) to become a dietitian, currently 23 years old. in 11 days i go to London to meet with the director of the nutrition/dietetics program at King’s College and this is me going all in. advice for going off the deep end when you don’t know how things will end? advice on being confident in your life choices? and your best British accents THANKS

Amelia

Hey y’all, should i drop out of my phd? thanks love, Amelia

Celeste Rodriguez

Advice on cultivating friendships while in a romantic relationship. I’m in my 20s and my partner is so supportive of me finding friendships but I have only ever made strong friendships when I’m single

mel

My boobs grew sooooo much this past year. idk if it’s second puberty, pcos, birth control, weight gain or what but literally every time I think about them I wanna cry and chop them off. They don’t fit in a lot of my favorite clothes anymore which makes me feel like I can’t look like myself. And just to make the situation worse, I’m on the shorter side (5’2) and I look fairly young despite being 22, so I basically look like a 16 year old with anime titties. I am truly gagged that after I took so much time and effort learning to love my body it had the audacity to change!!! idk if I should relearn to love my organic milk bags or if I should seriously consider plastic surgery, which is a huge statement coming from me bc I always swore I wouldn’t get work done. Anyways, love the pod, and my parasocial besties. —Melissa

ashley

i am so so so sad over the loss of my cat and i feel silly for feeling the grief so strongly

Megan Leigh

I’ve been friends with this girl since we were 7 (23 now). We made out last weekend. She likes me a lot but I’m nervous bc we’ve been friends so long. Should I give it a shot or play it safe and insist on staying friends?

Megan Leigh

also how TF do you do grad school with unmedicated adhd?

Alex G

Do I break up with my alcoholic controlling bf that I live with and date my short king co-worker instead or stay single forever because i don’t wanna try apps and idk how Im supposed to meet a good dude post college wtf men :(

Nicola Spencer

Hiiiiii from a future therapist up in Canada ✌🏼questions for Julia: 1. Do you currently have a theoretical orientation in mind for your future practice? Or even a population you’d like to focus on? 2. Do you believe in unconditional positive regard? xx - an Elder Binchie

Raven Makenzie
>>123554329

Sorry just wanna step in and say those are not ur only two options! And I wish you peace and healing

Alex G
>>123554329

Thank you ❤️ if I didn’t live with him I’d be out of here already trust me

Zahra Hasan

Advice for maintaining long distance friendships when ur adhd brain is wired for “out of sight out of mind” ?? I love my friends and would literally die for them but I can never seem to remember/prioritize responding to text messages … idk if it’s an executive dysfunction thing or what but I fear my relationships r struggling because of it!

mimi kiki

do i move to the same city as my twin and boyfriend after uni or live at home and save up to move to london (which is my dream)

Brayden Schauer

thoughts on bars/clubs? should i feel bad that i just don’t like going out and would rather have a fun night in with my friends at someone’s house? does anyone else feel like bars are overrated

Lauren Drabenstott

any advice for traveling with a partner?? just started dating this guy and we’ve planned a backpacking trip for 3 weeks together over winter break (we’re both masters students abroad). but i’ve never traveled with a boyfriend before, only solo!! ahh

Bori Frankus
>>123553337

ive been thinking ab this w a friend ive had since being 12 (now 21) and am deeply suppressing any thoughts ab attraction for fear of destroying the innocence / sanctity of our friendship but I think this is alienating me from her emotionally ... r u enduring any of this

Bori Frankus

do u guys have any projections/insights/worries about the future job market / how technology is transforming our lives? been hearing a lot of conversation recently about the drastically changing environment of what is considered normal/valuable with social media and ai and the internet becoming deeply integrated into the culture and as a youngin im hoping to set myself up as best as I can for what may come

Victoria Chung

how do you not hate yourself for cutting out friends who were harmful to you? i know it was the right thing to do for my mental health/sanity but i keep wondering if i’m the problem and too sensitive for getting upset at their actions/words

Lauren Friesen

how to break up with someone who you live with and have been with for 4 years and have a pet with without a proper reason??? like how do you explain to someone you’ve fallen out of love ??

Rebekka Bots

how to deal with receiving love? how to not succumb to the fear of it? growing up within a context of ~emotional negligence~ , i’ve been having a hard time reconciling and finding a place in my mind that will allow me to accept the fact that people i care about also care about me (oof!). … simply too emotionally risky i fear … so …. how ?!?! ):)

Sunny
>>123551986

I feel this sooo hard! Mine have inflated and deflated drastically over my life! My best advice is to get a comfortable binder, it really really helped me as my worst issue with them getting bigger was how much they moved. Having the choice to strap them down if I feel weird is great when I need it!

Jaelyn Wratchford

trying so hard to make friends and it never being reciprocated bc everyone else rather spend time with their lame bfs — the loneliness of your 20s

Jaelyn Wratchford
>>123553464

hi! i’m in grad school, work full time, and i’m newly medicated with a non stimulant. highly recommend non stimulants. BUT i took supplements for a rlly long time and that would help too. timetree calendar app helps me keep it all straight. and i write EVERYTHING down on sticky notes or in my notes app.

Jill and Sarah

If I’m 20, in college, and have never been in a relationship, should I go on dating apps just to get the experience? I don’t really want to and would like someone to ask me out organically. But I also feel like I’m missing out having never been on a date…

Sophie Foster Trask

how to cope with moving 14 hours away from my boyfriend and best friends for work :,) i am really struggling and ill be moving soon !

Alexa

25. 3 years post grad. Just figuring it all out lol. Have been setting boundaries for the first time in my life, but because of this have lost some of my very close long term friends. They actually told me I changed. I know it’s for the best that they aren’t in my life right now but I was thinking back to the episode with Kate were they discussed feeling guilty for abandoning people even if you know you’ve done all you can. Would love it if you ladies could touch on this again and just loss of childhood friendship as you age and grow differently in general (queue glitter on Spotify) ❤️❤️

syd

Advice on navigating family relationships as an adult? My dad is pretty delulu these days (severe mental health stuff & retired combat vet) and it’s high key scary! Like outta touch with reality vibes… I’m also in grad school for Couples & Family therapy, and the whole philosophy is to nOT cut family members off. But for my own safety, i feel like i have to cut my dad off (or at least distance myself a lot/ no contact). I’m 26 & the oldest sibling to my 3 younger sibs, and my mom & the kiddos all still live with him… How do I stop centering this man who doesn’t want to change? What does supporting my Mom & siblings as the drama continues to unfold? LOL cool yeah… thanks besties 💅✨🍄

the lovely bones

i’m 21 and obsessed with my high school history teacher who is 45. we’ve been talking and texting for a few years after i graduated high school but nothing physical has happened yet. since i’m 21 and have some distance from high school, i think i’m old enough to know what i’m getting myself into. do you think this is a morally dubious relationship or do you think 21 is old enough to have some level of agency in this?

Sydney Nelson

How to support a close family member recently diagnosed with bipolar? Also any resources on better understanding bipolar disorder xoxo

Emma

How do you come to terms with adulthood? My dad was sick throughout all of college and just passed away in August. I just applied for grad school for next fall. I finish up my senior year of college in mere weeks! Everything feels so fast and even the events in my life feel too fast for me. Maybe y’all can give me some Tara Brach-esque advice here lol. The idea of having to depend on myself post-grad for money, a job (which is interesting because like you Julia I’m going into academia lol rip), and all of that is a lot. My mom is so helpful with that stuff but internally I still feel this anxiety about moving forward with the future when something so emotionally significant just happened. I’m trying to start new hobbies like learning the guitar on his guitar and appreciate the little things and that seems to help. Maybe our capitalist society has just brainwashed me into thinking that I should be really for adulthood when none of us are? Idk let me know your thoughts. Love y’all parasocially ❤️ thanks for helping me through some hard times -Emma

Ella

How do you navigate difficult relationships with you parents as a young adult? Especially when there is no real change or progress that can be made

Alexandra Fiul

Do you have any advice on feeling really alienated from your community? In the past few months, a lot of things have happened on my campus that have made me feel really disenchanted with a lot of people here (not having empathy for victims of gun violence, denying title ix violations by administration, etc). I’m going to graduate next semester but it really sucks feeling alone and I don’t know what to do when I feel like I’m completely isolated lol

Emma

hii anything about taking yourself more seriously, coming into yourself, etc, thank you xoxo ❤️

Lila Letica

binchies i need your help! i’ve been unemployed for like 3 months now after being fired for ‘performance’ at my last position running social media pages for multiple brands (weird to get fired after just receiving a raise but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) & ive been applying and applying but nothing is landing & im struggling with if i even want to re-enter the world of corporate social media buut it’s all i’m skilled in & don’t have a finished college degree lol HELP what do i do? i gotta start paying rent again jan 1 and have zero income as of now tehee help a girl out what do i do? do i boots to the ground keep throwing my resume at every social media job i see? or try and work a lil barista job to chill out in the mean time? a ‘career job’ would obviously make me money, more but idk if i have the heart in it anymore

Eurydice

Tips on making it through finals.

Eurydice

Opinions on AI in schools I’m writing a rhetoric essay about it rn and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Talia F.

What do I do about my dad dating Republican Senator Joni Ernst (I wish I was kidding)

Rachel

Evangelical dad is sad BF and I moved in together and sent a transatlantic letter to me about it 🥲 I want to respond and set a boundary about not talking about how I am disappointing him but can’t encapsulate all my sad/mad feelings

asha

survival guide to homoerotic female friendships (my best just applied to an international school and might be leaving the country and i’m half in love with her haha)

lily🐛

making friends as an adult! i would love to find other cool like minded binchies but i’m super introverted and am always at work or home!

ida
>>123542296

oop and to follow up i just hooked up with my BFF 👯‍♀️ slay i guess

Rachel
>>123537399

Wool socks! My fave brand is Darn Tough. They are expensive, but have a lifetime warranty so when they wear out you get credit to buy new ones! Will truly save your life and keep your toes warm. Also second a puffy coat and waterproof boots! Find a nice wool base layer too. Buffs are nice for when it’s really cold to cover your face and neck

Tova SIBAJA

Making friends at a cliquey college…just surviving the first year in general

Audrey Ashdown

i have a MAJOR crush on this girl in a club i’m in but i can’t tell if she’s gay or not!! all of her past relationships have been w men but i get strong queer vibes

Julia

any tips for feeling unmoored in your professional life, esp in late 20s? i tried The Corporate Grind this year and it did not work out and now i’m unemployed, can’t afford school and feeling a bit lost

Calín

PLZ my educated mommies PLZ talk about the housing crisis!!! I live on Cape Cod (the not rich part literally cranberry farm land & horses) and my options are leave & go far away from my family or pay $3,000 w/o utilities for a WINTER RENTAL ONLY to have a bed in someone’s BASEMENT—wish I was kidding. Not only that but it obviously significantly impacts people of color differently & I’d really want to hear ur perspective & slayful research

Areej Khan
>>123573433

This is unsolicited advice, but I’d always say wait until 25 At least!!

Taylor Eastwood

how to start conversations with people!!! i am very much a speak when spoken to person and i feel that as i age and grow into a career, that that will become a less ideal strategy to conversation. so from the speaking queens themselves, HELP!

Naomi Taylor

I told my friend I had feelings for her and at first she reacted very nicely and said how much our friendship meant to her but then she started ghosting me and when I asked her if we were okay she told me she needed space. I feel like this is kind of unfair considering I didn’t do anything wrong and I told her if she didn’t feel the same I would just get over it I just really wanted her to know how I felt.

Naomi Taylor
>>123594749

So my question is should I just leave it and not message her. Should I eventually say something? Should I be mad. Idk I’m so confused and have never had feelings for a friend before so I didn’t know what to do

Riya Srivastav

Making friends (specifically girlfriends) as an adult! all of my girly girlfriends are in different cities and i miss having that feminine energy in my life :(

Jenna Hare

Hey binchies, do you have any general advice for self confidence?

syd!

hi binchesses! this is a long winded one so sorry but i desperately need some advice!!!! my boyfriend spend the last 2 yrs raving all the time and doing a bunch of drugs, where as i spend that time hiding in my room listening the pod now he’s sort of outgrown that, where as i feel like i haven’t experienced anything yet. For example, we share all our money and as a means of cutting down on smoking he’s decided that he doesn’t want to spend money on cigs anymore but although ik i should stop im rlly rlly not ready to!! idk how to go about this!! pls help!!!

Lauren Daniels

hitting an intimacy lull in my 10 year relationship. i feel self conscious all the time so i never want to initiate. any ideas for getting over that and getting myself into the right head space for intimacy again?

Sabrina Martin

ADVICE ON RAISING TWO KITTENS. as a single mom

Elise Harwell

Just started hooking up (just as in literally a week) with this guy and it’s genuinely the best **** of my life. Is it a good idea to tell him that or… should i maybe keep that to myself. (i don’t mean not complimenting him at all i definitely do that, but i mean literally telling him it’s the best **** of my life). Thanks y’all😭♥️

hadassah g

hhhiiiiiiii! i was wondering what you think about loved ones who have passed on visiting you in your dreams?? my ex/ best friend passed away the day before my birthday this year. he’s truly the love of my life. we dated for a chunk of 2020 then talked off and on since. it was never “the right time” for us but we got drinks a few weeks before he died and i was going to ask where he was and if we could try again since we were both in a good place but i got scared. a couple weeks later he was gone. he shows up in my dreams all the time and sometimes it feels like a dream and i have no outside consciousness but sometimes i know im in a dream state but i know he’s dead and it feels like we have conversations. we talk about missing eachother etc etc and it’s lots of hugs and it truly feels like he’s THERE and IM THERE. and i’m always aware that it won’t last long but i have a conscious stream of dialogue. like i’m talking as if i’m in a conscious state but we’re in between worlds or something. this has happened once with my great grandfather - who i have never met- and he gave me a message for my nana but it was never anything like THIS. i’m so lucky because he ((my ex)) made music and i get to go back and listen to his voice outside of the videos i have saved. im sorry this is so long but please if you have any thoughts or insight i would love to hear it! lots of love to both of you! sending hugs!

Aarya Ghonasgi

How to learn to be open/vulnerable in relationships & friendships espec as an avoidant girly

Stina Olsson
>>123611092

I hope they choose this question. Thank you for sharing these powerful experiences. You seem to have such an open and warm heart. Sending you lots of love ❤️

salami
>>123536260

i’m in tac and i need friends!!!!!!! @salsasolana on insta..

Stina Olsson
>>123574232

Sending you lots of love. You are so precious, and you absolutely do not need to have everything figured out. I’m really sorry about your dad, I wish you time and space to rest and grieve without feeling like you’re not enough. YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS ❤️

Stina Olsson
>>123539346

Girl I don’t know if that’s healthy that your current boyfriend wants you to have him blocked. Are you sure this is good for you? I absolutely understand you wanting to stay away from your ex for whatever reason, but that should be your decision I think. ❤️

Cara Rieber

how to deal with the feeling that you made the wrong choice about your career path

hadassah g
>>123611092

your reply brought me so much joy and comfort! just you taking the time to read what i wrote and write back made me feel so seen! thank you so much! i had tears in my eyes writing in. sending all the love back to you✨💕

Your Mum

I feel like I am on the precipice of my life and unable to force myself over the edge. Im overwhelmed with choices of places I can go, things I can study, lives I can begin to live … and I need to make up my mind soon, because my current visa is ending. I am so privileged with my beautiful life and plethora of beautiful choices… I want to choose something that will equip me to be a force of good in this world, create community, and have tangible skills that I can use in service of other people. How do you make decisions about moving places, leaving friends and relationships, choosing courses of study?? And how do I become smart like you girls … how do I get myself to read???? Much love

hadassah g
>>123538395

maybe take a lovely little walk? find a place you really like a make a habit out of it! also maybe substituting coffee shops for bars!

Emily

Eliza - how did you approach recovery from your traumatic car accident? My partner was recently in a collision that totalled his car, he/the other people are ok beside being a bit tender and distressed - appreciate your perspective on how to support someone recovering from that, what kind of support you found helpful 💗 Might get him a spine for Christmas to keep him safe 🥲

Emily
>>123554329

Omg I’ll tell ya what breaking up with someone you live with is HARD but holy shit the joy of having your own space, your own room, your own LIFE. The sooner the better I absolutely promise

Alex G
>>123554329

💗💗definitely. I’ve been trying to save up to move out. Thank uuu

Alex G
>>123551986

Agree on binder and minimizing bras!! My XL organic milk bags aggravate me often and have caused me to feel extremely insecure!! Im considering a reduction as well but for now this is what works.

Kristin Taylor

Hey girls, so the thing is is that I’m going through a period of my life where I have to find a job Despite what our girl boss slay queen Hilary Clinton and friends may have hinted to myself, studying politics, especially with a Marxist lens did not somehow set me up for a job but instead, I’m really just being alienated by by not even buy a job by the concept of a job and I’m not even doing the job but also the funny thing is, I can’t get the job. The only jobs I get are like Bad ones bad ones as and I would either work for Amazon or like on you know Fidelity, which is like things I can’t see myself contributing my energy to anyway I know you’re not gonna include us in the thing because I’m not being funny but I promise I’m funny on a normal day Anyway how do you combat like studying something that makes you really happy that you’ve like in college and then like computing that to the real world and how do you make money by by also doing something that makes a difference. it’s hard to find a cool job where you get to use your skills and like really apply yourself and like work towards the good, that’s upset you know I wish I wish that there were more like I wish I could train lizards to do a backflip because I think I could. Food for thought: I can juggle

Kristin Taylor

Ok but shorter: I want to be making a positive impact on the world (w real one life hat I can see and witness) but I can’t rlly support myself that way as of now. Do i sell out and become a corporate slime girl or do i do something more meaningful and fulfilling for myself even tho I don’t know if I’ll be able to support myself

Stina Olsson
>>123611092

Of course, I’m just grateful that you shared your story and I’m so happy that it made you feel seen. There’s such strength and beauty in sharing and being vulnerable 💕✨

Emily
>>123573433

I just have to reaffirm this unsolicited advice, 21 is not old enough, a 45 year old has no business being with someone so young. Begging you to not mess with this man.

carosaday ray

Advice on how to not go insane in a LDR? / maintaining relationships as you grow up and move away from loved ones (not necessarily romantic partner)

cek99

I keep losing friends but don’t know whyyyy what should I do?

cek99
>>123583582

Have you tried applying to Nonprofit social media/communications jobs

cek99

How to feed yourself 🥺 I genuinely have such a hard time

cek99

🍉🍉🍉🍉

estella hemp

Hey baddies I wanted to either request an ep on roommates from hell/ the shitshow of a world we live in where sometimes we must live with random people off marketplace just to afford a shelter. On the other hand we can live with our best friends or people who will eventually become our best friends (you two!!) Roommates is a huge conversation and I feel as though everyone has their own story from HELL. Anyways I think it would be interesting/ funny and i’d love to hear your perspectives on it

Jane

Seeking advice from the binchies about struggling with anxious attachment. I am stuck in such a hellish cycle of dating avoidant men. It always ends after 6 weeks or so of getting invested and opening up again. Im so tired of putting myself back together after every heartbreak :’( i don’t know how to filter out these guys because they always seem so warm and loving until they realize it’s real and panic

Carly W

starting a first real job and feeling Uber unqualified 🫠

Janie Olivia

I keep falling in love with emotionally unavailable lesbians… help !!!!!!

Ryn C

Literally how do you start doing new things in the winter? Between seasonal affective disorder and the ADHD driving my anxiety, I find it so so hard to pick up new habits in the winter time! Especially ones that involve leaving the house, moving my body or both. It’s cold constantly and fucking dark by 4:30 and I find myself thinking “oh I’ll start doing that when the weather gets nicer or when the days are longer” when I know full well that’s not how life works! How do I get my ass up and live when I’d rather just hibernate?

Kasey

howww do you find the time for self care and house work between school and a job and everything in between?

Savannah Heintzman

How to have work-life balance in grad school? I started a PhD in clinical psych (hi Julia!) in September and I'm struggling to balance the insane amount of work while also still being a person

Chloe Blodgett

Advice for moving cross country? Specifically should I try and bring as little as possible and if i want to keep some furniture should I uhaul it? Put it on the train? Hire professionals?

Emily mckeithen

How do I balance meeting my friends needs and supporting them while also avoiding entirely taking on their problems and feeling responsible for their every emotion? My friend has been feeling lonely since we moved back home and in with our respective parents, so I feel like i’m his only lifeline. But I also get emotionally and mentally drained easily these days and need more alone time which makes him anxious that I am pulling away which makes him latch on tighter which makes me pull away more and on and on. I think it’s a case of one anxiously attached friend (him) with a disorganized attached friend (me). How do I take care of both of us?

Emily

How to not be sad all the time about losing touch with friends

Emily

I am constantly thinking about death and how my parents and other family members will all die one day and I don’t know if I can handle it

Hannah Millward

realistically how do i save money when i’m literally a 22 year old girl who wants to have fun (i have a full time job btw)

Zoe Brown

How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriends’ ex? She’s in his friend group so I literally go insane before my boyfriend goes to an event that she’s at. I feel bad because I get mad at my boyfriend for going to things that she’s at but I know it’s not his fault. Or is it?

Roni

Advice for my 8th grader (afab he/him pronouns): his best friend since kindergarten suddenly stopped talking to him and is turning into a real mean girl. This is the first time they’ve ever not spoken in all these years. He’s says it’s not bothering him but I can’t imagine how that could be true. Our families have been close this whole time so it’s awkward. I know this isn’t a parenting pod, but everyone remembers how awful middle school was. Any solid advice on navigating friendship breakups (honestly for any age range) would be awesome 💜 Love you guys!

angeline

I have been on various SSRIs for the past 5 years. During this time my already pretty low libido has vanished completely into the abyss. Throughout these years I have been in a relationship with a man (literally the only man on this earth I would date) who has been very understanding and not pushy at all when it comes to all things sex related, but he himself, as an average human being whose brain is not afflicted with the various effects of antidepressants, does want sex and has a healthy libido. To top it off he only wants to have sex with me and no one else, as I am very open minded and have proposed in the past the option of finding another person to be that physical outlet for him, which he vehemently rejected. Since the beginning of summer I have been slowly weening off of Zoloft (talked to my therapist, who knows I have treatment resistant depression and have tried at least 8 different SSRIs over the years and we were like ??? if I'm treatment resistant why am I still trying to takeall these antidepressants to no effect?). One of my many hopes when I'm finally completely off it and have stabilized mentally is that I will once again have some form of libido and be able to satisfy myself as well as my partner. But I worry that even once I'm no longer on SSRIs I'll still not want to engage in any sexual activity, whether it be because of past trauma or because I've been with this guy for so long without any sex involved and perhaps I've become so accustomed to that dynamic and comfortable with it that I simply won't be sexually attracted towards him. Any opinions or advice would help in regards to SSRIs, the damage they do to one's libido, and what kind of things can result from somebody coming off of them after taking them for an elongated period of time. Thank you if you have read this and love to all the binchies 💕

Sophie Lever

Been working basically my dream job - I have an artist residency (22yo female) but have been feeling really lost and lonely and straight up weird and also like I can’t create anything meaningful right now and don’t know what to do about it

Sabine

How do I free myself from the chains of Tetris? I was wasting so much of my life on social media but still compulsively grabbing for my phone, so I deleted tiktok, Instagram and YouTube (when you’re on YouTube reels it’s just humiliating) and downloaded Tetris to help wean myself off, sort of like a smoker wearing nicotine patches. The only problem is now I can’t stop playing Tetris and it’s taking over my life!!!! At first it was kind of boring and I’d quit after ten minutes or so, but now I’m seeing Tetrominoes falling in my minds eye as I go to sleep or in the shower or even as I talk to my friends!! Last night I stayed up until 3 am playing Tetris, and I keep trying to screen share my phone on the TV to force my boyfriend to watch me play— he hates it but sometimes he’ll tell me I made a good move and it’s honestly enabling. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I don’t blink for minutes at a time, and when I finally look up my eyes are so dry and hurt so bad. The kicker is that my high score (so far) is 183K so I’m not even that good. Help me queens🙏🤲💗

penny

hey queens what do i do if i’m deeply in love with my best friend but i have to see her every day and she’s told me that she just has friendship feelings for me and has since gotten a boyfriend and this has all resulted in feelings of hatred and anger toward her even tho i do actually rlly like her

Grace Lohim

How do you guys manage pressure? Like work, school, relationships, what helps you out when you’re feeling overwhelmed or depleted?

Dagny H

It’s been 3 months since my breakup from a 3.5 year relationship. Over the past few months I reconnected with a friend and we’ve become close. I found myself developing romantic feelings for him. I’m upset with myself bc I feel like my usual MO is to use male validation as a substitute for healing. So I guess I need advice as to how to break that pattern and stop looking to men to validate me and/or change how I feel about myself?

Maya Sandel

I am going through so much therapy. Everything feels really intense and traumatic. How do you talk to your friends about really intense stuff without trauma dumping. Love u guys.

Greta

What do you think is the LAST time in your life you could time travel back to that wouldn’t cause butterfly effect changes?

Princess

I've had a crush on my best friend for probably about as long as I've known him. It's honestly unclear whether he is aware. I know he used to have a crush on me, but I also know he's sort of into someone else right now (to be fair, so am I). How do I get over it without distancing myself from him? Or is that even possible?

Hen

I have a group of friends who always invite me as an after thought. They’re not my closest group of friends and they’re certainly not my only friends, but it bothers me that they invite me to something a week before when it’s clearly something that’s been organised for weeks or months. I always go because it’s a good time and it’s not devastating - just slightly insulting. Should I ghost or shrug and not make it a thing?

Greta
>>123685525

This isn’t advice just a question I thought of while using the bathroom

hadassah g
>>123540998

you should definitely buy yourself a little treat ✨ sending love and light to you

Rin

I’m a junior in college and I think I maybe want to go to grad school but I’m also not wanting to go straight into it after graduation and I know I don’t need to know exactly what I’m doing yet but Im majoring in human development and family studies but more of a public health vibe I’m not capable of compartmenting enough to work as like a therapist vibe BUT anyways just want to feel like im alive and experience the world for a minute post grad and I’m wondering how Eliza you found the stuff you did over Covid (not related to plucking chickens preferably) or if y’all have any related advice <3 love you binchettes

Laura Peñaloza

Im studying abroad in Madrid this year and having trouble making friends. I feel like making new ones is so exhausting because we dont know eachother or care about eachother yet. Also, my school is very business stock broey so art and music is less apart of my daily life. City life without art is a bit soul sucking. Fix my life thanks so much!!

Camryn

How do you get over an ex when they were a really good person and you still miss them? It’s been almost a year now and we were together 3. I recently talked to him and it made me even more sad. He was my best friend/best support and I don’t think I can be platonic friends with him just yet. He’s emotionally unavailable so I’m sure he’s fully “processed” everything in the way he did but I can’t help but still want him back.

Louis Kernahan

How does one navigate a long-distance (1000km) relationship with a bad texter ? Man’s amazing but has a daily screen time of like 90minutes I guess I should get a new hobby

Isabel Alves de Lima
>>123649121

Yes!! I actually wrote my thesis on off campus roommate relationships in college and I believe it’s such a rich text!!

flavia

i get obsessed with almost every single guy i get with, it’s an actual issue but it’s funny at this point because it’s so ridiculous, anyway lots of love

Nina
>>123676408

Same 💀💀 I’m 5th in my state apparently high score is 286K

Amy Ward

elizzzzzzaa— how are harlssss and bug,,, also thoughts on pine litter ??? just transitioned and she slays would recccc. also have you fed those lil gremlins (said w affection,, obvss) fancy ass freeze dried food. because i’ve been doing that with my lil kitty and honestly it’s been a slay cause i mix it up with some wet food and some pumpkin purée (girly has watery poops okay— and all i have to say is the apple fell far from the tree on that on,, and that’s on taking miralax every other day))) anyway. basically i make her this meal and i feel like i’m concocting her a girl dinner every night,, and to me- i said i felt— that that is absolutely thrilling to me. much to consider for your kittttchhhies

Brooke Tweedie

how do u know its time to move for grad school? i am giving myself a deeply polarizing choice between stay in my home state of ct (heeeey julia) or moving to chicago, a place ive been for 24 hours. granted this is if i get into both of the schools i am applying to. i love risks and vibe based decision making love u

Michaela B.

What is some specific advice you have for making friends in your early twenties? I’ve heard things like put yourself out there and don’t be afraid to befriend the barista at your fav coffee shop, etc., but once you decide to do those things, what do you say? How do you introduce yourself in a way that’s not weird, and how do you turn acquaintances like that into a friendship?

SlenderLADY 💅🏽

Advice on ~grief~ 🥲 my grandmother suffered a severe stroke and died after a few weeks in hospice recently. She’s the first person I’ve really loved that I’ve lost, and losing her is triggering a ton of other grief-related emotions and experiences. Grieving the family dynamics that have caused pain over the years, grieving the relationship problems I’ve had as a result, grieving the fact that I moved across the country to my dream life just to feel guilty now that I’m not nearer my family. Help lol!!!! And hope anyone else who is grieving here knows they’re not alone 💓

ivy

any advice for life after college? i feel like my life is over. i moved to a new city right after grad and it's sooooo hard to make new friends, and on top of that, i feel like i never have any energy to do new cool things because im so TIRED after work. PLS tell me how to seize my 20s !!! thank u <3

Emily Carvalheiro

Julia how is Zoloft treating you. I’ve been on it for a year and I’m still suffering from HEINOUS night sweats. Does that ever go away or am I trapped in this hell forever. Oh and the dreams… the vivid dreams…

Ibel

Should I rent a one-bedroom apartment starting Feb 1 for 6 months even though I can barely afford it just so that I can live alone for my last two quarters of undergrad? I feel like I deserve a splurge. I'm 25 and have only ever lived with roommates, most of whom I didn't know when moving in and half of whom I have not liked at all. I want some peace and quiet and my senior year is kicking my mf ass. Would spending $1,500 on rent each month be worth it? I'm spending $750 right now. Financially it would be tight so it's definitely a trade-off of stressors.

Casey Croft

Pls help with finding an apartment 🙏

mace

How to breakup with your long term partner as someone with a severrrrrre anxious attachment style?

Isa

Going into my pysch grad program plz advice Julia 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

katie

I would like to know if Julia ever found any solutions for the TMJ issues you were having?? I've been struggling with the same thing for almost a year now and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Kayl Ward

Moving in with partner advice!

Zoé-Daphnée Gagne

How to decide what the right path is? I'm deciding whether to continue on to grad school and feeling very conflicted because it feels like I'm only doing it bc everyone else is

M

Did you two know where the pod was going when it started?

Tinacat

Anyone else really want to hear more thoughts and feelings on palestine? How it feels to be a people funding a genocide we dont want? Tangible things to keep doing? A look back on the past 59 days of mass destruction would be a lovely but real tangent I'd be interested in

Sophia H

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and are considering moving in together in May. What are your tips for living with a significant other and making that big step in a relationship successful?

Tessa Burger

Advice on dealing with grieving a pet? I lost my childhood dog/best friend somewhat suddenly in the end of September and it’s been so hard. It can sometimes feel like grieving a pet isn’t taken as seriously a lot of the time but it hurts just as much. Thank you!<3

Emily Michelle

i hope you read this!!! JULIA but also eliza, how do you balance work/life? im in grad school (masters in social work) and im SO BUNRT OUT working with people in a hospital and feeling such a weight...how do you say funny? how do you stop/prevent/get out of burn out

Ella

How to stay hopeful when things in the US and across the world feel very hopeless? Economically, politically, socially, it feels like we’re moving backwards, and I struggle to see a future for myself free of worry about money, family, job stability, etc.

Ailis Reavey

general episode idea: bad book club x celebrity memoir book club crossover episode over a bad celebrity book

Gabrielle Showalter

I love the pod but I’m so confused why you’re not using this platform to talk more in depth about Palestine. At this point it’s strange to be considered a leftist cultural criticism podcast and not talk about this. i’ve always valued this podcast’s ability to discuss difficult topics in a nuanced way, and to see binchtopia go about ‘business as usual’ right now is really jarring considering the scale of genocide in Palestine. As a longtime fan I really think you should consider using this huge platform to amplify Palestinian voices / signpost to resources.

Jellybean

Any advice on being kind to yourself/feeling confident if you’re doing poorly in school? I’ve been working really hard to make good grades in this semester but I overloaded my units and I feel like I’m drowning. Subsequently when my grades suffer I feel horrible about myself and my self esteem is extremely low. :(

Jellybean
>>123763375

I love this question and I’m so glad you asked. I’ve been experiencing the same thing since my dog died, it’s so hard. I wish pet grief was taken more seriously because it feels like you’ve lost a friend and a huge part of your life. You’re not the only one who feels this way 💗

Madison

how to begin to trust any man again after having your heart shattered …

KE
>>123678902

been there done that girl…… i don’t know if i’ll ever recover

KE
>>123662931

highly rec the book everyone in this room will someday be dead by emily austin !

Abi

Very specific but hypothetically what to do after you find your bf’s smut fanfic of Adriene like from yoga with Adriene

Allison

How to stay social/maintaining friendships when you work from home and never really have to leave ur apartment

basil water

asking as a Jew deeply struggling with the occupation/genocide of Palestine and the forced association of Judaism with Zionism corrupting my love and connection to my Jewish identity - but on a broader sense, how do you internally reframe your identity after experiencing trauma that directly relates to that identity?

Sam Haimowitz

how do I stop obsessing over my best friend’s piece of shit boyfriend……. he literally told her to her face after like a month of dating that they should break up because “he realized he’s not attracted to her anymore because her stomach isn’t flat; ‘if I could just look at only your face everything would be perfect’” and she literally fought to keep the relationship going…. how do I deal with feeling severely judgmental of this and her wack ass behavior?

Rachel Diazena
>>123818114

i know u not asking me but i was struggling w that and i’ve been going to work at friends houses while they clean and do their own productive stuff and it’s been really nice!!

Blobby

Advice on emotionally enduring the hellscape of applying to college in the US?

Rebecca Munoz

Any advice on how to navigate life after college? Literally never thought about what’s next

Kristen
>>123766187

i’m also getting my MSW the only thing getting me through it is taking my time and a really good planner

Greta

I’m a fellow ADHD queen, and I’m wondering: how do you interact with your ADHD in your mind? (Does it feel like an excuse ever, are you frustrated by dealing with it, does it feel like it is you or something else that affects you, etc)

Kaileigh Murphy

my dad just had a baby with my step mom so i am now an older sister at the ripe age of 26 🙃any advice on how to navigate this? i think i want to be involved in the child’s life but i also have a lot of mixed emotions about him having another daughter now

Shannon Davis

How do you get over non motivation?? How do you get yourself to do the things you say you want to do?

Laila Odeh

I’m a Palestinian binchie and a long time listener of the pod! I’m a bit hurt that there’s been radio silence on the genocide of Palestinian people that’s occurring. I understand that this podcast isn’t meant to be a “source of news” but it feels really inappropriate to be doing fanfic readings and turn a blind eye to this crisis esp when other issues like reproductive rights legislation are discussed whenever something is going on in the news. Would love to see this platform used to uplift Pali voices and inform people about what’s going on❤️

Aly

how to deal with (get rid of) having a lisp at my big age

Luiza Albuquerque

I have a really hard time with comparing myself to my friends and peers. my closest friends and roomate have noticed because it’s something that I’m constantly doing even in casual conversations but it really alters the way i think about people and my relationships. how do i stop doing that plsss

mace

Best bra for cardio as an a person afflicted with Big Boobs

Leen

what do u do when you yearn for routines but can’t become stuck 😪

Leen

advice on how to just start doing what you love without fear of failure?

Heidi

tips for moving to a new country and basically starting a brand new life at 18. I'm scared lol.

Sami Saunders
>>123766187

YES!! also getting my msw and so nervous for the license exam any tips for it y’all?

Piper Schroeder

advice on nourishing friendships-I feel like I haven’t been being the best friend to others lately just due to my own mental health and I don’t know how to fix this-i love you guys!!!!!! look up to you so much

Katrina Bernaus

Your last episode got me thinking about a saying that my boyfriend’s dad always says but no one can figure out what it means. What do you guys think “a wet bird don’t fly at night” means?

Meghan Hannum

i’m applying to graduate school (classical archaeology) and the stress is eating me alive. any tips on how to survive the application process/ waiting to hear back from programs? thank you <3

basil water
>>123793519

there have been so many comments on the last few episodes about this too like ladies....please stop ignoring us

Greta

Have you read ANIMAL by LISA TADDEO?!! Need to hear your thoughts (I don’t think I liked it…)

abby

julia, sinkhole love was in my top 100 songs of the year, i feel as though you NEED to know how much i love that song

Mary Shandley

Eliza, advice on getting another cat when you're 22 and about to go to grad school? What is the transition from one to two cats like?

Dianna Cohen
>>123864856

abt to get the big boobs removed but during my years of having them the panache sports bra has served me as well as it could

Abi
>>123552536

I’m dealing with the same thing. You’re not alone 💛

ashley
>>123537444

u are so not alone in this girl i’m right there with you

Liz
>>123537444

Me reading this from my couch one day after I quit said job LOL

amelia c

any advice on navigating dating in this college hellscape? like i hate men and innately do not trust them, but also deeply crave intimacy and validation? but also im realizing at the ripe age of 21 that i might have an anxious attachment style? help?

Hannah Millward

how much drinking is too much drinking for a 22 year old who likes to drink….

Kelly Sue Herman
>>123720636

YESSS pls give advice on this! I support the lifestyle where we're not constantly tuned into the phone and less screen-oriented, but how do you really feel they love you without them texting it everyday?

Lana

Y’all please give your godly advice on how to not perish when your ex starts seeing someone new ( espesh when you’ve stayed friends/ accidentally slept together a few months post breakup)

Julia Peterson

how to meet actually decent men without using dating apps because they suck

Leisha Hawke

how to tell good men from bad? it feels like there's no amount of wisdom that i can acquire that prevents me from ultimately falling into a toxic relationship dynamic later down the line

Madeleine Sofia
>>123746640

honestly i know it’s so expensive but masseter botox changed my life 🥺😭 i was in almost constant severe pain for years and i got desperate so i took the plunge and it was THE BEST. if poss - i would highly recommend you go to a TMJ specialised clinic if there’s one in your area, they’ll be able to give you the dose you need and make it less about aesthetics and more on pain relief. people say it only lasts 12 weeks but what they don’t mention is that your masseters will ‘atrophy’ and shrink while they’re botoxed, so even when it wears off they’ll be so weak that they can’t cause you much pain for months. I’ve only just rebooked my next session 11 months after my first so for me it’s totally worth it! also this matters less but it really changed my face - my masseters were so huge and swollen that my jaw was so puffy. it feels now like i’ve gotten my real face back 🥺

ava danielle

how to handle distance in a relationship

Harper King

Starting new meds! What’s that like for you guys ? Also how to find the right therapist?

Catherine Kazakova
>>123735211

hey! i’ve also been going through intense grief over the past months and i would recommend griefcast - a podcast that interviews various people having been through different kinds of grief in their lives (also i find the british accents super calming lol), it’s helped me hear others experiences and how people deal with all types of grief

Hayley Ellis

I need advice on how to not over-intellectualize and suppress my emotions ??? (I know it’s probably therapy :/)

Sarah

I'm moving in with my partner! what's your advice on that?

Annie Bowles

me and my friends are having a huge crisis atm. half of us have boyfriends and the other half are single. the single girls feel suddenly de-prioritised by the boyfriend girls and are having a hard time adapting these random men (who may annoy them) into their lives, but the boyfriend girls are trying their hardest to maintain friendship to the max while having new special people in their lives who are equally wanting their attention. they’ve read dolly alderton for help but it hasn’t

Valia Georgedaki

One of my friends has hinted she’s been sexually assaulted as a child. How do I know if she wants to talk about this and how do I start a new discussion about this later on without overstepping boundaries or looking like I want to “gossip” about it?

Olivia Smidel

Any advice on handling the existential dread of being an intelligent woman in todays world?

Niamh Crowley

I’m going off the pill for the first time since I was 15 (I’m 23). Wish me luck I might go insane🫡. Not really a question but I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Hana U
>>123548121

omg i’m doing my bachelors at king’s rn!!! (also just moved here in september)

Hannah
>>123548121

OMG!!! that’s amazing!! im literally headed to London tonight— we should meet up ftp

Dorothy

Plz roast/discuss dumbass Matt Rife

Sabine
>>123676408

Came back to report that I’ve moved on from Tetris, It’s Animorphs now. It’s been one week and I’m on book 8

Dora

Please help me choose my quarter life crisis! I graduated college during the pandemic and launched into full career mode after and didn’t really have the opportunity to move, travel, or work a just for fun job post school. As grateful as I am for my job I’ve been dreaming about ditching it all and backpacking Europe or moving to New York. Any other ideas appreciated!!!!!!

Abi

Does anyone have any good podcasts/books/media for very intense grief? I feel like I’m going to die from the pain of this grief since the passing of a loved one four days ago. I trust my fellow Binchies for good recs. Also The Weight Of It All has helped me but I need moooooore

Nidhi

ily and love this episode i just had a question. i am so desperately trying to listen to the mediasodes you talk so highly of. WHICH patreon subsricption level is it?

Alyz
>>124401854

Sexy Legendress is the mediasode tier, they just haven't updated it to say mediasode instead of reading list <3

Shaunee
>>124399829

I’m sorry for your loss and hope your hurt eases soon 💛 sending you love The Year of Magical Thinking - Joan Didion Crying in H Mart - Michelle Zauner When Things Fall Apart - Pema Chodron Also have seen clips of a new podcast called If We Don’t Laugh We’ll Cry where the two hosts talk about losing their mum - not listened myself yet but looks like it could be good 💛

Hannah
>>123548121

OMG NO WAYY my ig is @hannahgandell gimme a little holler !!!

Livvy

dont waste PTO on friends who do u dirty 😭

Izzy Rowley-deBruyn

My boyfriend won’t stop talking about money!!! My situationship of over a year is now my boyfriend but we are from very different classes. To put it anecdotally: the high school attended was an all boys private school that costs $40,000 a year and I’m pretty sure mommy and daddy pay his uni tuition and rent. I would categorize myself as lower middle class… i have been working since high school and am putting myself in thousands of debt to attend post secondary. I know it shouldn’t be an issue and people can’t help where they’re from. But he is constantly talking about money and projecting his yuppie aspirations onto me under the guise of “you’re so smart and could be so successful”. I know he means well but I’ve told him before how I don’t enjoy discussing money as I think it’s tacky. I am simply not under capitalism’s spell in the way he is and his obsession with money and success is both annoying objectively and because it exacerbates my existential and monetary anxiety…. Is it possible we are just too different??

Allyn (uh-lyn)

Ex boyfriend (we were together for 5 years 🙃) who cheated on me and broke up with me inside a coffee shop / bookstore (two things I love which made it all worse somehow) is going to be a groomsman at a wedding I'll be a bridesmaid at. I've promised not to make a scene but like do I have to talk to him or even be nice to him? We've been broken up for almost 4 years and haven't spoken to each other for that entire time. We both live in a medium city and have ended up at the same places / parties / etc. I've come to realize he is a a deeply boring person and couldn't possibly have anything interesting to say but feeling like there is some kind of pressure to bury the hatchet and like acknowledge him when I see him. Am I immature for really, really not wanting to?

Jess
>>123918505

It's a saying from the old standup comedian Jackie Vernon. He used to quote a non-existent philosopher who would make up fake proverbs such ad 'a wet bird never flies at night' :p

isa

any good book recs about/applicable to managing codependency? open to recs from other binchies too <3

Nina
>>124399829

Radical acceptance really is the bible I bought it asap after my breakup remembering them mentioning it on the weight of it all and it has been my rock

Nina
>>124168412

Similar situation- you’re not alone bestie 💗

Victoria Turner

I've just moved to a new city and I don't know many people here, do you have any tips on how to make friends as an adult?

Elena
>>124710348

i mean its not a codependency book really..? but id maybe recommend bluets by maggie nelson. In it, she details themes throughout her life (including dependency on a past lover), science, and history through the color blue. Its a poetry collection. Wish i could be more helpful, again not a perfect rec.

isa
>>124710348

this has been on my list forever !! i’ll snag it for sure now :) thank you!!

Elena
>>124710348

do hmu if you do end up reading it though. havent got a chance to talk about it with anyone, let alone a fellow binchie! <3

alena titova

is there a binchtopia discord :-o would be fun to find binchies in my city !