Friendship of a Lifetime - poll result (Patreon)

Ultimately in the six percent showdown for favorite HCLU woman (behind President Charlotte, Caroline, and Rose) Sutton just edged Regan out for the crown. But for quite some time, they were neck and neck, and I was genuinely surprised yet thrilled to see it.

I decided to write a Sutton and Regan centric piece in homage to both of them for being so deeply beloved here :)

The Friendship of a Lifetime

By age seven, Sutton knew that she wasn’t necessarily the exact same as all of her classmates.

She was a Spencer. Everywhere she went, people knew her mom and dad, they’d known her grandfather before he’d died a couple of years ago, too. She saw her dad on the television. She didn’t quite know what it all meant – because her mom didn’t like politics talk during family time.

She also had learned by now in school that even her teachers thought a certain way about her. Not just because of her name or her dad, but because they’d already had Oliver and Lucas in their classes.

Oliver, who had a million friends and was the most popular person in his class, and Lucas, who was the fastest runner on the playground and the best in every sport they played outside.

And Sutton, even by seven, knew that she felt very different than both of them.

The only playdates she usually had were arranged by her mom. A lot of the kids in her class were nice to her, and they would sit with her at lunch or invite her to play during recess.

But when it came to having friends the way she saw Oliver and Lucas having friends forever, she just didn’t.

When her parents talked to her about it – usually at bedtime, when it was just them, and no siblings around – she it made her feel all embarrassed inside. She wanted to have real friends, she did. But none of the kids she played with or who came to her birthday parties or went on playdates because of their parents ever acted like they wanted to be her best friend.

Sutton’s biggest secret was just that: she wanted to have a best friend so bad.

But the last time she’d tried to talk to Meg Prater – they had playdates the most, because Meg’s mom liked to come over and have afternoon tea with her mom – about her favorite books during their last playdate, Meg had barely even listened. And then she’d gotten up and gone over to play with Oliver and Lucas outside, and Sutton had wanted to cry and her cheeks felt all hot, and she didn’t know why. But she knew she did not want to talk to someone about her favorite things again.

Instead, Sutton had started sitting with her mom during her gossip sessions with Meg’s mom. Sitting snuggled up in the breakfast nook on the other side of the kitchen with her chapter books that she was now reading all by herself.

She’d tried to do the same thing at recess. Keep to herself and mind her own beeswax.

And it was fine, until Matt came up to bother her.

Grabbing her book from her hands, he pushed against her shoulder hard enough for her to trip backwards when she stood up.

Her cheeks felt hot again and she was so mad, but the words felt stuck in her throat, and then –

And then Matt was sprawled on the ground, and Sutton’s mouth dropped open on a gasp.

She wanted to smile, but she knew she shouldn’t. She knew, because Matt was bleeding and crying, and teachers were coming over, but she didn’t like Matt, and he was mean to her, and…

She looked up, her hands slapped over her own mouth, and saw the new girl standing there, with her hands on her hips.

Regan was her name, and Sutton remembered not only because they’d shared her crayons in art but also because her dad had told her that her new classmates’ dad worked for him, and that they might come over for dinner soon.

That dinner happened really soon, after the recess fight with Matt. The day after it happened, Regan and her mom and dad and sister came over for dinner, and Sutton was so excited, she could barely keep still.

She hadn’t really been able to talk to Regan very much yesterday, because they’d all gone to the office and gotten in trouble, and now it was the weekend.

But she wanted to.

“Honey, are you okay?” Her mom asked, as Sutton trailed her to the front door.

Sutton’s hands were tightly clasped together behind her back, fingers tangling together so tight they hurt. “Yeah,” she answered, blue eyes wide and confused as she looked up at her mom. “Um. Why?”

Her mom reached down and smoothed her hand over the braid she’d done in Sutton’s hair. “Because you’re my little shadow even more than usual, sweet.”

Her mom always had a way of saying something like that so that Sutton didn’t feel embarrassed, the way she would if someone else probably did. Probably because Sutton knew her mom liked when she was her shadow. She said it all of the time, especially when Sutton curled up with her during quiet times.

Sutton was allowed to spend time with her mom during quiet times – in the afternoon on the weekends when their dad wasn’t working, and he took over playtime – even when her siblings weren’t, because she was able to be quiet. It made her puff out her chest with pride.

“I’m okay,” she insisted, glancing at the front door. “I just – um, the Gallagher’s are here.”

“I know,” her mom’s voice was warm, as she shot Sutton a little wink. “That’s why we’re answering the door. But you’re glued to my hip, honey.” With that, she turned to face Sutton completely, squatting down a bit so they were eye-to-eye, as her mom took both of Sutton’s hands in her own. “If there is more about what happened on the playground involving Regan, I’d really like for you to tell me. If she was part of teasing you or taking your book, or you’re nervous that she might roughhouse a little too much with you, then we don’t have to have her over any more.”

“No!” Sutton immediately shot out, shaking her head quickly. “No, Mom, I promise. Matt – he was the only bully. Regan really was helping me, just like I said to the principal. I promise,” she repeated, earnestly. “I want her to come over.”

Her mom’s eyes stayed on hers for several more seconds, searching, and Sutton simply stared right back.

“Okay, sweet. Then let’s answer the door.” Her mom stood back up completely, and kept one of Sutton’s hands in hers, as they walked to the front door.

Sutton’s dad and Regan’s dad were still out at the office for a weekend work thing, but they’d be home soon.

At the door now, as her mom swung it open and Sutton was bouncing on her toes in anticipation, was a lady who was probably Regan’s mom, another girl who Sutton thought was probably her sister, who was blonde and a couple of inches taller than Regan was but around the same height as Sutton – but she was tall for her age, according to her mom! – and Regan.

“Dierdre, nice to see you again,” Sutton’s mom greeted with a smile.

It was the smile she had for work stuff, though. For politics. Sutton heard from her mom that she’d only met Regan’s mom a few times before, since they’d only just moved here. And they’d never been over to her house, it was always for her dad’s work stuff.

Regan’s mom smiled back. “Thank you for inviting us for dinner tonight. Especially after what happened yesterday at school. We are all deeply embarrassed.”

Regan’s mom and sister both looked at Regan at the exact same time, and her mom’s voice made Sutton cringe back, leaning more into her own mom. She didn’t like when adults used their angry voices like that.

Regan was pouting, her eyebrows furrowed, and she folded her arms over her chest. “I’m not embarrassed,” she said, looking back at her mom.

Her mom sighed, her lips drawn tightly together as she turned back to Sutton’s mom. “Apologies; this is an at-home conversation. But, Regan, we discussed that you owe Sutton and her parents an apology for causing a scene and making them come to the school yesterday. Did we not?”

Regan’s bottom lip poked out even further. “I guess,” she muttered.

Sutton shook her head, forcing herself to step out from where she wanted to hide more behind her mom. “But – but Matt pushed me and he took my book. He did,” she swore, looking up between her mom and Regan’s.

Her mom lightly placed her hand on Sutton’s back, her touch soothing. “I believe it, honey. And I do believe Regan was behaving as a friend.” Sutton’s mom aimed a smile down at Regan. “We should always, of course, use our words and not our hands. But everyone makes mistakes, and then we simply have to grow from them.”

Regan stared up at Sutton’s mom, looking confused.

“That is very kind of you,” Regan’s mom said, her face still looking so tight. “And I’m very appreciative of being invited for dinner.”

“Of course. Come on in, all of you,” Sutton’s mom stepped back, and Sutton stayed in perfect step with her, allowing their guests to enter, just the way Sutton had learned from her mom about how to treat visitors.

“I spoke with Jack about ten minutes ago; they should be home within the next thirty minutes,” Sutton’s mom informed them, as she shut the door. “So, Dierdre and Regan, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. And you must be Audrey?”

Sutton looked at the blonde girl, who looked very… serious. Not in the pouting way Regan did, but more like their mom. “Yes, ma’am,” she answered. And then she reached out and offered her hand.

To Sutton’s mom.

Like she was a grown up or something.

It was so silly to Sutton, she couldn’t help but giggle softly.

Audrey sniffed and put her nose a little higher in the air, but didn’t look at her. Kind of like some of the girls at school.

Regan, though, caught Sutton’s eye and she giggled, too.

Sutton’s mom gently bopped her on the shoulder with her fingertips, before she took Audrey’s hand in her own and shook it. “It is very nice to meet you, Audrey.”

“You too, Mrs. Spencer,” Audrey said.

“You can call me Katherine,” Sutton’s mom dismissed, as she lowered Audrey’s hand. She looked back at Regan’s mom. “I thought we could start with some refreshments? We have some things set up in the sitting room. And if the girls would like to go play before your dads arrive for dinner, you can,” she added, looking down at Sutton, Regan, and Audrey.

Sutton nodded and she saw that Regan did, too.

Audrey’s eyebrows furrowed, and she didn’t do anything for a few seconds, before she shook her head. She glanced up at her mom, before she looked back at Sutton’s mom. “I would also like to have some refreshments,” she said, before looking up at her own mom again, who smiled at her.

Again, Sutton couldn’t help but want to giggle. She didn’t, because she knew her mom wouldn’t like it. But why was she talking like that?

“Well, I want to go play,” Regan said.

“Me, too!” Sutton agreed, excitedly.

She stepped away from her mom’s side, and started to reach out for Regan, before she stopped. Should she do that? What if Regan didn’t want to be her actual friend? What if she wanted to be like the other kids in school who just wanted to be kind-of her friend?

Then Regan reached out and grabbed Sutton’s hand all on her own. “Let’s go,” she said, as she tugged on her hand, as if this was her house and not Sutton’s.

But Sutton didn’t mind at all. Even if Regan didn’t know where she was going, Sutton could tell her as they went.

She directed Regan up to her bedroom, wondering if Regan would want to play with her dolls. Or talk about books. Or draw. When they’d been in art class and she’d shared her supplies with Regan, she’d seemed to really like drawing. Which Sutton could have fun doing, too.  

She turned around from shutting her door, and Regan had climbed up into her bed, kicking her feet back and forth. Her shoes were on Sutton’s floor, messy like they’d been kicked off wherever.

“I am sorry,” Regan said, her hands falling into her lap.

Sutton frowned at her, climbing up onto her bed as well. “Why are you sorry?”

“’Cuz of getting you into trouble. I got into sooo much trouble last night,” Regan said with a long sigh.

Sutton wrinkled her nose. “I didn’t get in trouble. Matt was being a bully. He ripped one of the pages in my book when he pushed my shoulder!”

She was more upset about that than the bruise she had from the shove.

“I just thought he should get a taste of his own medicine. He pushed you, first. I saw it happen.”

Sutton knew her parents’ rule was using your words not your hands, and she always followed the rules. But she couldn’t help it. She smiled at the very memory of Regan shoving Matt down, even though it was wrong, even though it was against the rules.

She’d have been too worried to do that herself. But she liked that Regan did it. And that made her feel not as grumbly inside. Because when she did bad things or things she knew her parents would not be happy about, it made her feel like she was going to puke. But this way, she got to be happy about it and not feel sick!

“My brother Oliver called it “justice”,” she confessed. “He said that if you didn’t do it, he’d have come to the playground after school next week and beat Matt up.”

And then Lucas had agreed, and then they’d both gotten a talking-to from their dad.

“And justice for all!” Regan shouted, tossing her arms into the air.

Sutton startled back at the shout, but still found herself grinning. Regan had stuck up for her, and she was also really silly. She didn’t know her that much yet, but during art class when they were supposed to be doing quiet drawing, Regan had talked to herself under her breath. At first when it had happened, Sutton thought it was at her. But then she’d concentrated to listen, and realized it wasn’t. It was Regan either humming to herself or making up little comments as she drew.

Sutton thought it was fun.

“Wow, did you read all those books?” Regan asked, pointing at the stack Sutton had on her bedside table.

Excitedly, she turned to look at them before whipping her head back to look at Regan so hard that the elastic at the end of her braid slapped against her own cheek. “Yes! My mom loves to read, and we have reading time together. Have you read them?”

Wouldn’t that be so cool? If her new friend also read all the same books she did? Because it could mean – it might mean that they should be best friends.

Regan shook her head, though. “No.”

Sutton deflated, picking at her comforter as that uncomfortable feeling crept up in her stomach. So, maybe they weren’t going to be best friends, then. But she hoped Regan didn’t say anything about how excited she’d been about her books the way Meg had.

“Cool that you already have read them all, though,” Regan said, leaning over to pick one up. She accidentally knocked into the stack, sending three falling to the floor. “Crap!”

She hopped off Sutton’s bed so fast, her knees hit the rug with a loud thump.

Sutton gasped.

“Are you okay?” She asked, biting at her bottom lip in concern as she leaned over the bed to look at Regan.

Who was frowning, one hand rubbing at her knee, the other reaching for Sutton’s books. “I’m okay, it just hurts a little bit.”

Sutton, too, slid off her bed and settled on the floor next to Regan, but much more carefully. She reached to grab the book that had opened as it had fallen, pages down on the floor, just under the bed. She smoothed out the pages gently before closing it.

“I’m really sorry,” Regan apologized, hurriedly stacking the other books that had toppled down. “I shouldn’t have made a mess like that.”

Sutton neatly slid the small pile of books against the bottom of the bedside table, before she lightly frowned at Regan. “It’s okay. They’re just books.” She shrugged. “You should really be more careful with yourself. My brother’s best friend broke his elbow just by jumping off of his sister’s toddler potty. That’s not even close to being as high up as my bed. Books falling down aren’t as important as you falling down.”

The words weren’t the same exact thing she’d heard from her parents before, but she’d heard very similar phrases from them over the years, especially in reference to the boys playing roughly.

“Oh. I just, I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you. It was just an accident. And my mom and dad say that it’s important to take care of our things, but that at the end of the day things are replaceable, and we aren’t.” Those were the exact words repeated from memory, because she remembered her dad saying it to them when they’d been at the beach over the summer, and she and Oliver swam out farther than they were supposed to because Sutton’s boogie board had gotten taken out to sea.

Regan tilted her head at her slowly, blinking a few times at her. “It would be really crazy if people were replaceable, though. I saw a movie on tv like that once.” She leaned in and whispered, “I wasn’t supposed to see it, but I snuck downstairs when I couldn’t sleep once.”

Scandalized, Sutton’s mouth fell open. Whenever she couldn’t sleep at night, she would go and climb into someone else’s bed to snuggle. Usually her parents, but sometimes Oliver or Lucas. And something really cool for Sutton was that now her little sister Alex had a big-kid bed, so she could get out in the middle of the night, and sometimes she came to find Sutton when she couldn’t sleep. Because now Sutton was the big sister, and that made her feel really, really proud.

But she would never sneak to watch a movie she wasn’t allowed to watch!

“Wow,” she whispered, feeling a little nervous just thinking about it.

Regan was really cool. Maybe she was too cool to be Sutton’s best friend?

Regan smiled slowly, shrugging both of her shoulders. “We could do it together, you and me, sometime.”

“Does your sister, does she do that too?”

Regan laughed so loud, Sutton pulled back in surprise and slammed her shoulders against her mattress.

“Audrey?! No way.”

Sutton found herself swept up in those same giggles. Her stomach did that nervous feeling, and she dug her fingers into the soft carpet underneath her as she gripped for strength, and asked mid-laugh, “Do you want to, um, maybe see if we can have a sleepover?”

Regan’s laughter cut off, and she blinked at Sutton. “Sleepover?”

“Uh. Yeah.” She tried to act normal, the way Oliver and Lucas were all of the time with their friends. “You can spend the night here. Tonight. Or – or not,” she quickly added, feeling her cheeks get hot. “You can sleep over some other time, too.”

“Tonight!” Regan nodded so quickly, her dark hair seemed to fly around. “Oh my gosh, yes. Just, not at my house.”

Sleeping anywhere away from her mom made Sutton feel a little nervous anyway. That was another reason why she was nervous to be closer friends with the other girls in class. Other the summer, Penny Gibbons had her first slumber party, and Sutton had gone, too. But she’d felt so nervous around everyone else and away from her parents. And then all of the girls started planning that they wanted to do at night, including staying up way past their bedtimes, and going into Penny’s older sister’s room, and making prank phone calls.

Sutton ended up telling Mrs. Gibbons she felt sick, and her mom came to get her.

Feeling a little shy from the memory, she bit her lip. “Yeah, we can have it here. You can sleep in my room!”

She’d have to warn her that Alex might come in, too. But that was part of her responsibility being an older sister.

“We should ask your mom, first,” Regan said, after tapping her finger on her chin. “If you think she’ll say yes.”

“She will,” Sutton immediately agreed, even though it made her feel a little nervous.

She shouldn’t agree to something before her mom said yes. But… but she really, really wanted this. She wanted Regan to sleep over, and so maybe she’d have to make sure to bring up to her mom about how nervous she was about having friends, to remind her.

***

Her mom had said yes. And then Regan’s mom said yes, too.

And now, Sutton and Regan had both gotten to have extra ice cream for dessert and Regan was wearing some of Sutton’s pajamas – she’d let Regan pick, because Sutton had a great collection of matching pj’s! – and they were supposed to have gone to sleep over an hour ago, but they weren’t sleeping yet.

They were still awake, and they’d faked sleep when Sutton’s mom had poked her head in to check on them.

Instead of going to sleep, Regan had asked Sutton in a whisper to tell her about what her book series was all about.

She’d felt wide awake, then, and not sleepy at all. And she’d gone on and on to Regan about her books, and felt only a little shy, but Regan had just listened to her. And she didn’t look bored at all.

Sutton kind of felt like she was doing something bad, staying up so late, but it also made her feel giggly. “This is my first sleepover,” she confessed to Regan as they had the blankets pulled up over their heads. They’d been playing with the flashlights, making little shapes with their hands in their makeshift blanket fort.

“Mine, too,” Regan whispered back. She paused, tilting her head up at Sutton. “Is your mom always… like that?”

Sutton blinked back at her, confused. She tugged the blanket down over their head so she could push her hair back from her face as she asked, “Like what?”

Regan shrugged, wrapping the edge of the blanket around her fingers. “I dunno. Like. Nice?”

Sutton thought back over the night Regan had spent at her house, trying to think if her mom had done something different than normal. Something especially nice.

She’d asked Regan and Audrey if they liked dinner, which was normal. She’d asked if Regan had wanted her hair brushed and re-braided the way she was going to do Sutton’s before bed. She’d let Sutton and Regan climb around on the comfy big chairs in her reading room, after Regan’s family had left. She’d asked if they’d wanted her to read to them, or if they’d want to read aloud with her for a story before bed.

Sutton had eagerly agreed to read aloud – her mom really encouraged her to do it, and it made Sutton feel better about herself. It made her feel less nervous when she had to speak up in class. Regan had then given it a try, too. She wasn’t as good as reading aloud as Sutton was yet, but Sutton’s mom did the same thing for Regan that she did for Sutton, where she helped sound out the word and explained what it was and why the letters sounded that way.

It was all just normal stuff.

So… “Yes? I guess so?” She answered, but it was true. Sutton’s mom was nice. She was Sutton’s favorite person.

“Hmm,” was all Regan said back, shrugging both of her shoulders.

Sutton frowned. “Does your mom always look like she sucked on a lemon?”

She worried as soon as the words were out of her mouth that it sounded mean, but she wasn’t trying to be mean. It was just that Regan’s mom did look like that all throughout dinner. Like something really sour was in her mouth, except when she talked to Sutton’s mom or dad.

Regan broke out into a fit of giggles. Hysterics, actually, because she kicked her feet out, and she was laughing so loudly Sutton was worried her parents might hear, even though their room was all the way at the other end of the long hallway.

She hesitantly smiled. “I’m sorry if that… if that was mean. I–”

Regan rolled onto her side to face Sutton. “No! That was so funny! That’s what she looks like!”

They both laughed, then, laying in her bed shoulder-to-shoulder.

And when the laughter calmed down, Regan let out a big, long breath. “I think we should be best friends.”

Sutton nodded so quickly against her pillow, she felt her braid getting all messed up, and she didn’t even care. “You want to?!”

“Yeah, duh,” Regan answered, scoffing. Then she paused, her eyebrows furrowing. “Do you?”

Regan had pushed Matt down while sticking up for her and she’d listened to Sutton tell her all about her books and she was funny and did crazy things like stay up late when they weren’t supposed to, and, “Yeah!”

“We should know each other’s middle names,” Regan stated, then. “If we’re going to be best friends.”

Sutton blinked back at her, feeling surprised. But, “I guess that makes sense.”

She’d never had a best friend before, so… that seemed like it was right, when she thought about it.

“Mine is–” She squealed in surprise when Regan’s hand shot out, landing on top of her mouth.

“No, we should guess,” Regan insisted, clearly excited. Without waiting another moment, she dropped her hand from Sutton’s mouth. “Is yours… Fifi?”

Surprised and insulted, Sutton blinked rapidly back at her. “Fifi?! That – that’s a dog name!” She spluttered.

Was Regan making fun of her or something? Had she only been pretending about wanting to be best friends?

But Regan didn’t laugh at her or tease. She smiled, though, her eyes bright. “Yeah, and your family has dogs! Your parents have to love dogs. Mine don’t.”

“Yeah, my parents love dogs, but – but I’m not a dog,” she insisted, rolling her eyes, but now she couldn’t stop laughing. “All of the humans all have human names in my family,” she pointed out.

“Boring,” Regan sighed, but she still didn’t look like she was making fun.

And, for some reason, Sutton didn’t feel shy at all. She pushed at Regan’s shoulder because she was being so silly, and then she informed her, “My middle name is Victoria.”

“Huh.” She felt Regan shrug. “I think I can come up with some names for you that are funner than that one.”

Sutton didn’t really know what to say to that. She’d never thought about her middle name very much, and definitely didn’t think she needed to come up with something funner. But she liked that Regan thought about it like that, she supposed. It truly was fun.

“Okay.” Sutton rolled her lips, taking her job trying to guess Regan’s middle name back very seriously. “Yours is… Marie,” she stated, trying to use the same knowing tone Regan had used for her.

Regan gasped, sounding just as offended as Sutton had with Fifi. “Marie?”

Sutton laughed again. “What?! It’s not crazy or anything. A ton of girls in our class have Marie as a middle name!”

She thought it was a really good guess!

“Fine, but you think I’m a Marie?” Regan slapped her hand against her chest, her eyes wide.

Sutton pushed herself up on her elbow, staring Regan down. “You thought I was a Fifi! Fifi is way worse than Marie!”

“Yeah, but it’s so much unique-r!”

Sutton wasn’t sure that was a word, but she guessed she couldn’t deny it. And right now, she didn’t really care. Regan could come up with whatever nicknames for her and her middle name that she wanted. Because she was Sutton’s best friend.

***

Twenty-Seven Years Later

“I can’t do this without Charlotte. I can’t,” Sutton insisted through gritted teeth, doing her best to see through the pain as she held Regan’s hand in a death grip.

Regan’s hand squeezed hers right back, just as hard. A solid, stabilizer. “I know you don’t want to, babe, but you might have to.”

Her best friend’s voice was comforting and quiet near her ear, as Regan stood pressed right up against the side of Sutton’s hospital bed.

Sutton shook her head, vehemently. “No. No. That’s – god, this fucking hurts! – that’s not the plan. She’s supposed to be here, and my mom is supposed to be here.”

She was supposed to have her wife and her mom in this room with her, that had been the plan from day one! It was terrifying, the idea that they wouldn’t be here. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet, she was weeks early. It was all wrong.

“I know,” Regan soothed, reaching up with her free hand and brushing Sutton’s hair back. “I called them both, and they’re both coming. They might make it, they really might.”

She managed to catch her breath when her contraction passed, but she couldn’t let go of Regan’s hand, even though she was no longer in pain. She dropped her head back, panting for breath, looking up at Regan. “You’ll stay with me. Right? You won’t go?”

Regan had made so many comments throughout her pregnancy about how wild it was that she had another human growing inside of her, how crazy it was that she’d be birthing a literal person. Back in middle school, they’d found a video on the internet of a woman giving birth and they’d watched together in fascination, and Sutton could still remember how disturbed Regan had looked, even to this day.

“I know it might freak you out, I get that. I remember watching the video,” she acknowledged, shaking her head against the hospital pillow. “But I – I’m scared,” she confessed, trying not to let herself cry.

She didn’t want to cry. She knew this was the biggest, most monumental thing she’d ever done in her life, and she knew where was going to be pain and emotions coming her way that she’d never felt before.

She was as prepared as a person could be without having gone through giving birth before. Even so, Sutton knew that didn’t really mean anything when it came to this very moment.

But she wanted to do her best to stay positive, like she could communicate to her baby girl inside of her womb that everything was okay.

“Are you kidding me? Sutton, this bedside? I’m glued to it. The only way I’m leaving is if both your mom and Charlotte arrive and you want them to hold your hands.”

Sutton nodded, jerky and shaky, but a solid relief settled through her. She didn’t let go of Regan’s hand, still, keeping it firmly in hers. It was the biggest comfort she could possibly have in this moment. “I love you, you know.”

“I love you, too, starfish,” Regan murmured back. “And I know that your hormones and whatnot are going crazy right now, which is why I’m letting it slide that you’d think for a second I would leave you right now.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just…” She trailed off, shrugging. Everything felt surreal, and nothing felt like it was going the way it should, and…

“Nah, don’t apologize. Who wants their best friend to apologize when she’s about to birth a literal human being?”

Sutton breathed out a tired chuckle. “It’s so funny to me whenever you say it that way.”

Throughout her pregnancy, that was how Regan had referred to it. As if Sutton might have had the option of birthing something that wasn’t a human being.

“I know, that’s why I say it,” Regan’s voice was soft and teasing.

She managed a smile up at Regan.

Who smiled back down at her, a little tremulous, but so sincerely.

“Sutton Fifi Spencer, you can do this,” Regan murmured, reaching out and soothing some of her hair back behind her ear. “Even if I wasn’t here, even if you had to do it completely alone – you could do this. My soon-to-be-in-the-world niece is so lucky to have you,” Regan said, and the thing was that the way Regan said it, Sutton believed her.

She didn’t feel like Regan was hyping her up just for the sake of hyping. She didn’t feel like Regan was lying to make her feel better.

She believed that Regan believed what she was saying, and – in turn – it made Sutton believe in it a little bit, too.

And even if she had to do this without her wife and without her mom, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was so fucking lucky. Luckier, really, than almost anyone else she could imagine. Because no one else had a Regan by their side.

***

She was still thrilled beyond words when Charlotte had burst in just before Sutton had been ready to give birth. In fact, she didn’t think she’d ever felt more overcome.

And she didn’t believe that was only due to hormones, and the fact that she’d been just about to deliver her daughter.

She couldn’t say she relaxed, because she’d been in the least relaxing position a human being could be in.

But seeing her wife, having her at her side, had made her feel like everything was truly going to be okay.

Now, the following morning, she was so tired but also couldn’t really sleep. How was someone supposed to sleep, when they now had a baby?

“I know it wasn’t the plan,” Sutton started to say, her voice low and hoarse. She’d certainly strained her vocal chords during the delivery, but she didn’t really recall too much about that aspect.

She was exhausted, and her eyes were droopy and heavy and sleepy, and she felt totally wrung out. But she also wanted to keep staring. Staring at Charlotte, who hadn’t been more than five feet away from her since they’d been brought into their room.

Staring at their daughter in Charlotte’s arms. Sutton had held her until she’d started feeling hit by this exhaustion, and then Charlotte had taken over, and she looked so… natural.

She knew Charlotte had been terrified about this, about everything regarding being a mother.

But she held their daughter like she was the most precious being on earth.

Probably because she was.

Charlotte tilted her head, looking over at her. “I know you are completely wiped out right now, darling, but what, exactly, wasn’t the plan?”

Sutton blinked, a small embarrassed smile curling at her lips. “Oh. Right. Madelyn’s middle name. I… I’d like for it to be Regan.”

It just felt so right for her, that everything else she and Charlotte had discussed in the past few months felt wrong.

Elizabeth and Katherine were great options, absolutely. And Sutton did feel strongly that she’d like to give their daughter a name that honored one of the incredible women in their lives.

But after yesterday, it was more clear to her than ever before that – for Madelyn – Regan was the right choice.

Charlotte’s big, beautiful eyes blinked widely at her, as she slowly nodded. “To tell you the truth, Sutton, I would give you anything in the world right now. I always want to give you everything in my power, frankly, let alone when you’re not even twenty-four hours out from giving birth to the most perfect baby in existence.”

Sutton smiled, feeling overcome by sweet, sappy emotion. Especially when she saw it reflected in Charlotte’s expression right back at her.

Her wife. Who was holding their daughter.

Wow.

“You really mean it? You don’t mind?”

Charlotte walked closer, bouncing slightly with Madelyn in her arms. “Darling, if you asked me to capture you the moon at this moment, I would get on the phone with the Administrator of NASA. Regan being Madelyn’s middle name is far easier than that and…” Charlotte paused, her lips ticking up into a smile that was so warm, so doting, Sutton swore she could have fallen in love with Charlotte anew simply from that look. “If you tell Regan this, I will have to pretend to deny it. But I had the same thought.”

Sutton’s mouth fell open in surprise. “No, you didn’t!”

Charlotte had Madelyn securely tucked into one arm, and she used her other hand to come up and rub over her eyes. “I didn’t know if I was having some sort of sleep-deprived mania or something.”

Sutton couldn’t help but laugh, feeling utterly delighted. By her wife, by her life.

“But Regan was with you during the biggest, most intense time in your life. I wouldn’t be opposed to building her a shrine right now.”

With that, Charlotte very carefully leaned down, mindful of Madelyn in her arms, as she pressed her lips so softly to Sutton’s.

***

“Sutton Her-Royal-Highness-Victoria Spencer,” Regan announced as she turned into Sutton’s hospital room later that day. “What is on this?”

She held up a card that had Madelyn Regan Thompson written on it.

“Where did you get that?” She asked, incredulously.

“A delivery person is out there coming to bring you and your progeny flowers and a stuffed animal, presumably from someone in yours or Charlotte’s family,” Regan answered, waving her off. “I bypassed him, but then saw the card.”

She chuckled, rolling her eyes. Of course. “That’s my daughter’s name, obviously,” Sutton answered, diligently.

She’d thought Regan might tease her or do a little dance or maybe burst into song. All would be typical Regan responses.

She hadn’t anticipated the way Regan’s chin wobbled, her big, dark eyes getting so soft, as tears pooled in them. “Really?” She breathed out, her hand slapping the card to her chest.

“Really,” she confirmed in a whisper, tremulously. She, too, was feeling wildly emotional, so seeing Regan in tears was bound to set her off.

“Where is she?” Regan asked, looking around as though Sutton could have hidden Madelyn in her room.

“She’s getting her final assessments before we’re discharged. Charlotte followed,” she informed, wiping her fingertips over the bottom of her eyes. “They’ll be back soon.”

“I’m doing this as carefully as I can, given that you just expelled an entire human,” Regan murmured, and within seconds had walked to where Sutton was sitting up, her legs over the side of her hospital bed as she’d also slowly gotten ready to go home, and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

Sutton returned the encompassing hug.

“I can’t believe I have a namesake,” Regan whispered.

Sutton laughed, rolling her eyes again. “Her name is Madelyn.”

“My namesake.”

Sutton squeezed Regan back, simply shaking her head. She’d let Regan have this moment; she’d have the rest of their lifetime of friendship to correct her.

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