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M A Double Hockey Sticks (MALL) paytch _._._._.AWW:DIO._._._._ (Patreon)

Published:
2025-12-23 14:12:38
Imported:
2026-06

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Brando

Merry Christmas, dawgs!

Ryan McQuinn

Let’s gooo Merry Christmas boys! 🎄

Kyle Mosley

Perfect timing boys, happy holidays

Jerry

Merry Xmas to all but gaydini

Caleb Danielson

Hey Matt Merry Christmas brother, Shane suck ‘em pal

Jonny Slides

Ok…Im not tryin to catch a bag. Why so early?

Rivers

Christ is King, merry Xmas fuckers!

Jessup Sharp

A pre frontal bussy Christmas!

Kryten

I can't believe Guard Dawgs unlimited creativity has been restricted down to just the way he types the title of the audio episodes on patreon.... BRING BACK THE BAD BOY INTROS BOYES 👀 ALSO MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS TO ALL🎄🎉

Nooders69

How long before Christmas is it inappropriate to masturbate?

HP

Gard dawg you gotta stop using AI

Ash

We’ve been singing, “Baby, I Shit myself” instead of “Baby it’s cold outside” for about a week in my house. Merry Christmas Dawgs ✝️

Kenbone69

BLESSED BE THE DAWGS. Merry Christmas fellas and bitches

Christian

Matt ruining the podcast with his gay stories.

Benny Gonzales

What's good all my high test hombrés

Bimbo in Limbo

I desperately need Matt’s GoodReads. We have like the exact same interests.

Kligga

Merry Christmas fellas🍻

Kligga

So did I

HP

This at least the third time Shane has talked about how hot big pun used to be

Bimbo in Limbo

Omg. He’s a Lynch lover too. Werner Herzog talks big shit on Jack Nicholson in his autobiography that I just finished. He said he just wanted to do movies “in LA, maaan!” because he just wanted to watch Lakers games and lay with Angelica.

Bimbo in Limbo

Haahahhahaha, he didn’t know David Lynch was dead.

dumbcube

Is Matt joking or does he actually think Fagdrew Tate has a single redeeming quality? That's gonna be a huge subtraction from his GBPs.

landon lutes

can just hear it in matt’s voice he’s definitely on the juice

Mondoog

K9s ONLY

hi

shane please watch the movie joint security area

WruhWro

For Space King

dumbcube

for such a good podcast, this show has one of the gayest and most delusional fanbases I've ever seen in my life.

Luke Ziepke

Adolf rookie made me laugh out loud

Reydio

DAWGS! Ya'll got me bustin a gut in my cube rating the fatty boom batties 🤣

Chris Carlson

Fellow recipient of the belia and I couldn't help but laugh at it and a signed picture would top my struggle by a long shot

Gideon Starsgrave

Dude - who cares? Andrew Tate says mean stuff. Women suck, you suck, we all suck. Get off all of our tips

Stephany Lizardi

Matt is gunna interview jennette McCurdy wow that will be interesting

Tomato Tard

This is pure pre-frontal bussy syndrome

Jessie

Wuh suh BOFAAAAAAAA

Paco Kenny

Love how Matt’s obsessed with the “legal limit” of pretty much anything. He’s like “what’s the pedestrian walking speed limit before you get arrested” or “how much Nazi memorabilia are you legally allowed to have”

Dylan Cline

Cool fact yall might not know old German manufacturing especially in electrical equipment used SS branded bolts and had Swastikas imprinted all over.

Luke Wilkinson

can somebody drop the book title about the Magdalene houses? can’t find it online

Local

Calm down latinx

Bebe Netanyahu’s Power Bottom

I’ve never disagreed more with Matt and Shane on how Roast beef is better than ham?? Like what the actual retard fuck

Parrothead

Biggest loser of all time, B.L.O.A.T

Mo

Slava Ukraine

Tommy Heglin

Red Bull gives you 🍗 wiiiiiiiiings!

Jim

Way more interesting than the free one

Ben

Aww dios mio

Ben

In the past he was a daring outlaw…he must first know the rules in order to break them

Jim

…and funny

M

I pray that the boys sat down and watched el topo after, my eyes lit up when matt brought up jodorowsky

Jim

PBS. The best hangover day

Jim

“REALNy”

Abe Giron

What’s the documentary called

Darian

Pakistan is not in the butt 😂 Shane dude do a big lobby for he’ll let loose that would be funny as hell

Darian

On the belia idk if you guys read apt pupil but it was fucking wild this kid forced an old Ss guy to goose walk in his house or he would expose him. It’s a nutty read

Jeremy Jacoby

Damn, Alejandro Joe Deroski is an all timer

Thomas Foolery

It’s entirely possible that neither is in the butt

Unusual Company

Idk if matt didn't catch it but that boy in el topo is that weirdos own son outside the movie

HB

My great grandfather was a physician outside of Chicago in the early-mid 1900s and had both Robert Earl Hughes and Robert Wadlow (8’11”) as his patients.

Dakota Arsenault

Just the chance of some North Korean pirating this patreon episode and risking death to show it to Kim Jong just for him to be like “Nice.” is killing me

Aaron

Merry Christmas to the inner dawg circle

Kobe Baker

Merry Christmas dawgs

Brian Finn

The movie was from that pedo director. Showed teen boy ass in the movie for no reason

Ivan Tolek Poisey

Roast beef is 1000 times superior. It’s for the advantage of being way less processed

DB Pooper

That’s the least disturbing think about apt pupil. Such a great short story though

860 Teo

Happy Holidays to all the Grandfathered poors

Raiden Herrera

Shane just saw you in longhorn gear. Knew you the J's would get you to sellout SMH kys. Nah im playing get that bag little piggy 🐷 🐷💰💰💰

Misiewicz

Convincing the bea that Hitler was an ally was the bit of the year for me. Didnt laugh that hard all year. I could 100% sell that to my bea! Bless the dawgs and merry Christmas.

Evan K

Merry Christmas to all the dawgs

Matt Harrison

The rumor is actually John Wayne had 40lbs of decrepit feces impacted in his colon

Danny

top 15 all time paytch reeeeeeeaaaal bad man

Keaton Skillcorn

Yo, UK English bitch boy listening to the big white gorilla dog who was on the r joganbydaybynight. Creased listening to chest boy

Keaton Skillcorn

Please don't ban me gardini I'm English Christmas drunk I'm sorry

Devin Knaub

Matt- my aunt bought me overlook for Christmas man. Cant wait to read 😎

TNHOOLIGAN

is everyone gay and we have to pass a check to not be gay?

J

Dude get the fuck out of Ireland and tell your folks your lbgtqhdgsgd GuardDawg remove this junky!

Keaton Skillcorn

Fuck off you stupid little leprechaun cunt, potato desperation whore

Tayo The Viking

I was literally thinking when he was talking about Joderoski "this sounds like the douchebag that made holy mountain" and low and behold lol

Liam Sosa

so jennette mccurdy from icarly is the next guest? fuck yeah

Haterville

Next time you get a McFlurry it’ll be my shit

IlovemyWife

Hire me I’m 21 I’m still working for a chimney company allow me to be your online apprentice I’m a hard working person

zane brown

how tf do these fat asses afford 32 sausages, bread, 5 ham steaks, every fucking day 😭 $500 a day

Nicholas Adamek

Matt, take the wife and kids to baby goat yoga at the galleria in Lakeway. It sounds ridiculous but they have a bunch of baby goats in dresses that hang out with you while you do yoga.

Nicholas Adamek

It's funny I saw your message before I'd listen to the whole podcast and I just naturally assumed you were talking about Shane and Lamaer's daily morning breakfast.

Shrike _

What is Matt’s promo code tryna scoop 4 tickets but I can’t get in

JonShlick

jodorowsky is wild, Holy Mountain is crazy too.

Mark Tavares

Carmel a town outside of LA whoops

carter

The 3-tap grayscale is the only way to live. Yet another W for the Shaman.

Snake

The one swastika

Andrew

No, tons of married guys I know constantly bring up being cucked and cheating on their wives 🤣

JK

>old man looks at matt in a mean way >matt yells at and threatens to harm old man for dirty look >matt calls the old man in Subaru the spazz WTF? the shaman's peace is broken by mean looks? matt definitely juicing

Brad koester

Go get that fat loser yall keep hired for sympathy

NewFool

Matt ranting on 5 bottles of roid water China, Japan, France, UK, and other nations have worse debt to gdp than USA, if you look at "Total National Debt-to-GDP" don't get me wrong it's a fucked system, but debt is needed for it to keep working, although, irresponsibly. USA controls world reserve currency in which most of world debt ($337 Trillion) is denominated, making USD crucial - as we can print it and we can restrict access to USD (swap lines, fx) as a geo-economic weapon. China has a huge amount of US debt, after Japan and the UK. We can't just let these other countries collapse even if they're enemies as it would cause huge problems financially and supply chain-wise - probably leading to global depression - and two of these top nations are below replacement rate for population, which is kind of built in de-growth. good cast on this stuff (I'm sure boring for those who don't understand how fucked everything is, even though USA is still best bet to survive, doesn't mean we don't face great pain in the next decades, and world war iii possible any time) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKvSMtqhccw Happy 2026

Jake Dunbar

Just watched the spesh, Matt, that guy on stage is so freakin jacked

Daniel Reilly

Boys.. Shane had a joke stolen. Not fkn cool.. good sports with Kh and kt.. s1e1 29'30".. also, nice hat fatso! Love from AUS.

Dave

Explain for the listeners at home what happened

Dave

Shane??

Torrie Vogt

Matthew you need to try ketamine, its like space weed

Jake

No one's going and flagging that down. You're a retard 🤡

Caleb Sperry

Matt we need a small album styled like the song you did for the Biblically accurate Goliath sketch. That song is a vibe.

Adam gp

A year in review is fucking gay

Trent Green

Word around the pod is he’s juiced to the gills

Jackson Wilson

When we gonna get the next book series from Matt?

Christian Crane

Tht was a gay week yall should not charge in weeks no content comes out lmfao

Bill Calkins

It’s $5 bro who cares you can’t even buy a Big Mac with $5

HeBro

This turned into a Lemon Party episode with the fats coverage

BeardedVet94

Lmao what a fucking gay ass mentality. Can i just have money then since you don't give a fuck? Putz.

Christian Crane

You don’t go to work and work hard do you??? And if it was once or twice or 3 or 4. They’ve been constantly doing this, also I pay 1$ cause imma real mf dawg. Shut yo bitc ass up. If someone says 1$ you get and episode, 52 of em, and yall paying 60$ bucks a year for 52 eps. Again og mf here who pays to hear the boys bs and I pay for them to live totally different lives than before so yes you dumb cuck I want my boys to give me an ep record double idgaf, mf playing ncaa instead of recording anyways so record a mf ep

Christian Crane

Dead ass give me 5 a month, lemme take you from an air mattress to a mansion In Austin wtf yall talking about? Yall realize they’re people like us???

r

Shane I am begging you to make a history podcast. And please don't do it with another history guy, it'll just be you two fighting for verbal real estate. Please do it with Matt, that way Matt gets to learn & you just have to focus on making Matt laugh and telling him history shit that blows his mind- a good gauge of what your audiance likes to hear and thinks is funny.

WOLF

I love my tiny goats, they are awesome entertainment but the amount of shit is insane.

Sanduskys Summer Camp

How bout that clip of the Ukrainian and the Russian knife fight .

Blnknshp

Crazy to listen to the fat diet while eating Carl’s Jr.

Blnknshp

Was he demanding them to stop eating?!

Peaches

Nailed it

mb

i can legally be as drenched as i want to be