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The Tortured Grammy's Department (Patreon)

Published:
2024-02-07 13:00:10
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Well divas, it's time for another emergency episode. We were planning on simply talking about the Grammy's but God had other a different plan....today's docket is full of lols and questions from the chaotic surprise announcement of Taylor Swift's new album, The Tortured Poets Department. We dissect the track list, discuss how this will impact the eras tour, and make other speculative statements.

Comments

Nikola

*going to the kitchen to make snacks for this like I’m on the clock*

Burtasaurusrex11

Yesss. Right in time to start my work day off right.

Candace Tirado

Thanks so much snakes! She confirmed in Tokyo that she was working all through the tour until it was “perfect” so whennnnn was that? And PERFECT? Hmm. I’m not gonna be able to wait until April to hear this shit. Thank you for the blessings 🤍

Lyndsey

When I heard the title fresh out the slammer is made me think of "he can be jailer" immediately

Burtasaurusrex11

I wonder if Taylor is miffed about AOTY because she was thinking Tortured Poets would be THE album to get her to break that record. Or if she thought Midnights would win and went full experimental with TPD. And I swear, I'm smelling another short film. A music video for each song that fits together as a series. At this point she's so unhinged she could be releasing a musical, a play, a full length movie, an animated series. I have no idea, but I know she wants accolades for more than just music at this point.

Denise Taylor

Oooooh I am so excited for this one!! So much happened in the last few days and I am still gagged. I can’t wait to hear both of your thoughts on this… omg… One meeting to get through and then I can listen! No-days-off-ologist and busy Lizard! Lol

Christian Roberts

would like to input: If the vibe is interrogation, case file, getting down to business….then having the album in chronological order would make so much sense as it could be like a “case file” of the ending of the relationship. Side A, B, C, and D could be like a layout of how everything went down, and the verdict is that the relationship is over and it’s time to bejeweled.

leftoutlemons 💖

I don't think post Malone will be rapping in this. He's been singing a lot lately and said he wrote his last album with an acoustic guitar at first so I think he and Taylor may have similar songwriting processes at this point.

Ashley C

I thought the dress was a clear reference to the album cover with it's twisted white sheets. It really did look like she brought a comforter to the red carpet but in the most stylish way. And I think the clock choker WAS for midnights to honor the reason she was at the event. And the black gloves were a red herring for rep

Ashley C

The album cover is giving me vampire weekend, death cab for cutie, the national (duh). So to hear you guys theorizing something poppy with a lot of bangers is so humbling bc we really have NO clue and it's exciting!!!

Forty2times

Someone said on TT it looks like Folk/Red but make it slutty, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Krista Dabel

In reference to it feeling like "Police Department" imagery... she does say something like "i now submit into evidence" or something like that somewhere in the marketing... i can't remember if it was on the store page or in a post but I remember thinking "ohhhhh are we on a man hunt??"

Kalyn

I completely forgot but she did say that somewhere

Taylor L

me watching this wearing the same folklore hoodie as zack 👁️👄👁️

Ally ❤️

We can always count on you!!! Thanks Snakes. 🐍

Swiftlennial

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived and The Alchemy can still fit into the chronological theory without being Tayvis. If Sept 8th was the album preview party, the writing would have been completed over the summer before her and Travis were fully a thing. Just not enough time or reason to include Travis on this album. TSMWEL could be about that post-breakup realization of, "Oh my god, I was idolizing this person and feeling so inferior, but now I see him for what he really is." And The Alchemy could be about her magical super power, which is her ability to take her emotions and transform them into record gold. The Alchemy could be about her exploring her writing process and reclaiming her power.

Maria

I feel like the whole "chairman of the tortured poets department" thing is kind of making fun of herself a bit, like an Anti-hero about how she's always fallen for these tortured artist types. But then I think of The Lakes and I just hope she's not seriously calling herself a tortured poet lol

TiffK83

When I listened your video yesterday, Zachary, I was sweeping my kitchen and when you said ‘Straight out the Summer’, I literally yelled “Zachary can you read!?!?” 🤣 I was dying. Y’all crack me up.

Ally ❤️

Agree! Also makes me think of Greek statues in a very understated steam punk vibey way because of the accessories. The draping of it all…

Ally ❤️

Okay you literally just blew my mind!!!!!

JJ

Since we all expected Midnights to have a side A and a side B and we didnt get anything I'm pretty sure the Sides won't mean anything this time. If they did I'm sure she would tell us. She loves pointing out stuff when it's new and different.

Aliyah

I’m outing myself of being the snake live at the happening of the first show after ttpd release (Paris N1) & I’m happy to be reporting🫡 Btw I blind trusted Zach when he gave his versions of the album titles in his video and was convinced I was misreading it & started reading it like his interpretations as well. This amount of impact you already have on me hahaha Btw I loved all the Germany references as one of the not so many German snakes 🐍

Amy Versprille

How bad would you feel if you were in charge and had been working on whatever idea she had to release the track list and now because of a leak - all of that has gone in the trash

Jessa Jayne

No one asked me but I love the gown but I don’t feel like the hair, the necklaces, and the gown all told the same story. I wish she would have done something avant-garde with the hair. Especially walking the same carpet as Miley fully serving a look. I think the look was supposed to be a marriage of midnights and poets however, wouldn’t it have been sickening if the dress had an under skirt that was handwritten pieces

Jessa Jayne

And maybe like a cool a scaparelli hair piece in silver…

Olivia Donovan

I just laughed sooo hard at pop memenso what a moment for the history books

Jessa Jayne

Should we pull money together to get Z better glasses

Aliyah

Buymeglasses.com

Hattie

No one works harder than the snakes!!! Thank you for uploading so quickly, I have been losing my minndddd. Loved your inputs/theories, love and laughs from the UK <3

leftoutlemons 💖

Yes! When I showed my husband her look he said she looked like the Venus de Milo

Raphaëlle

Pleaseeeeee make a capsule collection of footnote merch lmao

Sarah

Lolol to be fair, the words slammer and fortnight are flops. I saw the leak and I was like FAKE NEWS because the song names sound … dumb…not good

emma 🌷

quentin tarentaylor killed me

Domi Solo

Man hunt or turkey roast. Bring it on!

Domi Solo

Wow, boots on the ground in Paris. This is going to be interesting 🙌

Domi Solo

I am so excited after what she said in Tokyo!! Poets started 2 years ago and written all through the tour last year, polished until she thought it was perfect. That’s what we’ve been waiting for!

CyrusNomadix

She gave herself an out to sing So Long, London instead of London Boy at the UK shows. Oops 😅

Claire K

But daddy I love him could be a reference to the little mermaid. Where Ariel loses her voice to be with the flop prince. She’s cooking him guys

MelTooWell

Alchemy is turning something basic into Gold. And she's equated BASIC-ass Joe to Gold and Golden many times. I don't think there will be any Tayvis songs, on this, but if there are, I'd bet money it's not this one. But Daddy I Love Him is what Ariel says in The Little Mermaid before she goes and trades her voice to live a normal life with the love of her life. You can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor - Fresh Out the Slammer and Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolf (little ol me), which featured Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. And it comes out on April 19th, which is referred to as "The Shot Heard Around the World" when America started the Revolutionary War to part with the British? Easter Eggs? Clowning? We don't know, obviously, but I don't think she's even trying to hide this is a massacre. She put that tracklist out proudly like it was an obituary. She knew what we would do with it, and I'm living for it.

✨

Midnights Mayhem, but with Travis.

Stav

Do you think there will be a 3 am edition/vault tracks? I'm SEATED. Also, the link between Clara Bow being sent to a sanitarium and the line in Hits Different :D I'm starting to feel the vibe of this album...

Kylee

Describe Taylor and the turkey’s relationship in 4 words: The Tortured Poets Department. Where co-chairs, Joe Alywyn & William Bowery, decide to write a song on any given day…what? Like it’s hard? That is, if they can fit it into their grueling acting schedule. Any heirloom worth their salt, knows the greatest films of all time were never made. ok I smoked way too much weed and thought way too hard about this Ahahahha and scene.

Sara woods

I have watched this 4 times already and i still fucking laugh so hard everytime,you two are so fucking funny! Thank you guys for all the hardwork you put into putting out these videos! They always brighten my day!🖤

Sarah

Thought 💭 Is it coincidental that Kanye’s new sheet is out? Prolly. But. :)

Sarah

Another 💭… New Year’s Day on rep, when Joe was the muse…”I want your midnight’s…Don’t read the last page” then midnights comes out with dear reader at the end, then the tortured poets dept, which definitely is a joever exploration…. The songs are connecting and I need to go see some grass

Erin

4/19 is also the day Joe’s coworker(feels weird saying costar because there were no stars present) posted that picture of him on the green scooter. That night she went out to dinner with Blake and Ryan, who then unfollowed Joe right after. I wonder if we are going to get the evidence and receipts of all the way her hurt her🤔🤔🤔 When they first broke up, I had heard rumors of him maybe not being so faithful

Mia Mar

Madelineee your eye shadow, i clapped you did not have to serve this hard this episode

Finnegan

What if the Heirloom Turkey is guilty as sin? Or what if it is funny and she says I am guilty as sin for having loved you and not wanting to give up her career by living secretly with him and perishing from lack of Vitamin D.

Jaqi Jarboe

This is crazy to relisten to October 2025