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In the wee hours of September 11, 2001, I stood from my desk, cracked my knuckles, and shut off the beige litter genie they were calling a Macintosh back then. It had been a long grind in a hard chair to herd the dozen or so first Achewood comics onto a hand-rolled HTML page and email the URL to everyone I knew. A few hours later the world hit the dirt sideways, the pledge of allegiance faded to static, and only one thing was clear: Achewood had begun its long career of banging its head on the towel rack, blacking out, and starting over. Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it; those who repeat it become history.

I relaunched the site on October 1, 2001, to scattered golf claps. Over the next two decades and change I count three spectacularly failed book deals, a failed animation project, a failed Netflix series, and innumerable smaller failures that I keep in jars in the milk door, just to scare burglars. I did get a couple hardcovers done through Dark Horse, and this Patreon thing is pretty swell, but when I collapse in the easy chair, hold my temples, and beg for it all to make sense, it is your presence here which counts as the only true measure of success.

Achewood readers are people I wish were my friends and neighbors. To a person you are wittier than the drone one seat over, you are kinder of heart, and your intellectual dowsing rod goes off at all the weirdest times. If Achewood is bait pulled from my brain pan by a blind arcade claw, you are the trophy sturgeon.

Thanks to your overwhelming support, I currently see no path forward where I don't do Achewood. I can take a plane ride to visit my kid, I can take my wife out to Tablecloth Dinner, I can buy a shirt with a horsey on it. (Secondhand, of course. My mama didn't raise me to stick a leaf blower in the bank account.) I feel content that I serve, in my capacity as an entertainer. This is good living. We're in it very much together.

I'd hoped to have my current pile of new art and shirts ready for shipping by this date, but a basement renovation to create a new studio and warehouse is, predictably, running long. We're cutting and pouring new concrete, replacing rotting posts that carry eighty tons of hope, vacuuming a century of toxic powder from the ceiling joists, and carefully tapping oakum-sheathed wiring with a screwdriver, to see if it lights like a fuse. This will be done in time for holiday shopping, god willing.

Thank you for sticking with me. Achewood is well. I'm so happy you're here.

Love,

C

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Comments

Chris Gumprich

Happy anniversary. Happier to hear there’s many more to come.

Josh Egbert

It is not hyperbolic to say that this relaunch of Achewood and the ensuing interactions with you, it's creator, is one of precious few Good Things to happen over the last several years. Thank you for the work and the time.

Jon

Dogg, thank YOU for what you've done; the sheer amount of delight you've put into the lives of so many people should secure you a seat by the throne of whatever Lord Ramses Luther Smuckles respects the most.

sphrog

Happy birthday Mr. Achewood. Thanks for making 9/11/2001 a day I will never forget

Andrea M

Happy anniversary, my dude.

Bruce Wright

My very best wishes to my favorite (currently breathing) cartoonist, and one of the finest satirists working today. I want to see the horsey shirt when you get it.

Aaron J. Rushton, Writer of Words

Were I allowed in this space to post photo comments I would be sharing the picture of me and you high-fived over my Ray and Beef high-five tattoo. In part to brag to others, in part to remind you that you've made enough impact on people to literally actually have made a mark on them forever. Thanks, man. I'm not as fully myself without finding Achewood on a link from some forgotten shitslop of a webcomic that I'm sure was about some Guys who said Things and probably complained about Womans.

Brian Sutton

I've been reading Achewood since I was in college, WHILE I was in college, waiting for a new comic to pop up when I was supposed to be learning programming. It's been an absolute pleasure to rekindle that feeling so many years later.

Sandor Dugalin

I've always said... I don't know if I'll ever be in love again, but whoever loves me has to love Achewood. Thanks for it all, sir.

Shepton

Happy anniversary, and thank you.

Cymbaline

Thanks for all the laughs, emotions, funny turns of phrase, and good memories. Happy anniversary!

Matthew Klovski

Fitting that in this post there’s yet another turn of phrase (Tablecloth Dinner) which will now rattle around in my head along with all the other particular dictions I am so grateful to have encountered here.

Brody

Happy anniversary! Sounds like you've failed at reaching more commercial success but gotten very good at finding Your People and gathering them around you for the long haul. I would argue that the latter is a much better way to be, particularly if it still pays the bills. Cheers!

Pubdoggy

From our first contact over a bespoke leaving card, via (I think) your first ever monetized Achewood painting (Philippe in French Fry Heaven which hangs atop all my things), I'm here for you and it and them. Thanks for the things.

s b

Thank you for resonating at your strange frequency sir! I’ll always be tuning in

Miles McMahon

Congrats dude! And listen: you finally gave us the "Fuckin'" sticker from Beef's (Pat's) spaceship so that's the only thanks we need.

Sedric and Charlie

I forget exactly when I got on the Achetrain except that it was before the Great Outdoor Fight. But it's got to be at least 20 years, and they have been good ones. And now that page of character sketches has been fascinated with the idea of an alternative Achewood featuring Theodore, E. Bear, and Phillipe with his floating bowler hat and alarming diamond-shaped trousers

Don Rowe

Thank you for everything

Mina Roller

Happy Birthday, Achewood! ❤️

Ben Wilinofsky

When I stretch my imagining as far as it is pliable to picture what career satisfaction might be like, you're the guy I want my future self to be like. Thank you for all of the treasures you have shared with us over the years.

DKB

I discovered Achewood sometime in 2002 or so. I was about 16 years old and had to study the interwebz via a big (also beige) desktop computer that sat in the dining room across from the swamp cooler. I would swaddle myself in a queen size comforter and click and giggle away into the wee hours. My mom would shuffle into the room at some point and say, "Go to bed!" I discovered many online comics back then but none of them still hold up the way Achewood has. Nowadays, when I meet someone else who likes Achewood it's such a treasure. I'm always fascinated to find out how and when they found it and which character they relate to most (Roastbeef of course). Thank you, Chris for your brain. It's a good one.

Jay Williams

The most heartfelt congratulations to you, good sir, and, more importantly, my most sincere thanks for the sheer joy your work has brought to me (and, dare I say, all of us knuckleheads) over the years. You must surely know you’re on the right path by now, crooked and sort of hidden though it may have been at times, just from the Incalculable amount of happiness you give us. I can’t possibly be alone in saying that your work has intertwined itself in my life, in my case to be point where even my wife is wife is well familiar with Achewood because of my constant use of some strip or another as a Family Guy-style cutaway to punctuate something that someone has said. I’m just glad to have been along for the ride to enjoy it all and grateful for the continued fun- thanks!

Henri

Thank you Chris. You made the internet a worthwhile endeavour back than, and you are making the internet a worthwhile endeavour now. Achewood might be the only thing that still makes me feel like books and stuff used to make me feel like as a kid.

M. J.

I love Achewood so much. It has been a source of immense comfort and enjoyment for me as a teenager into adulthood. It is one of a handful of things that does not let me down. I will never stop supporting Achewood, thank you for your gift to the world.

Chris Selvig

Achewood has been a balm for decades - sheesh. It’s a pity the Netflix thing did not make it, I’ve long thought Achewood would be wonderful in animated form; the reasons are none of my business. Should a very large ship come in, unlikely given that I live 6000 feet above sea level, I’ll hit you up.

jordan b.

Achewood continuing to exist after this long without losing its intangible greatness is one of the few bright spots in an otherwise mediocre-at-best world. Thank you for absolutely ruining my brain and general sense of humor.

Cf Duddy

*Citizen Kane clapping gif*

blair

Achewood has been there for me since whenever it was that The Gurgling Cod passed along the news that Ray didn't have a FAX machine and I was Enlightened. Many happy returns.

b.zap

BONE BONE BONE

Carson Monetti

I'm so glad Achewood isn't going anywhere. We all appreciate you an inappropriate amount

2scrogz

Reading through the start-date lore, all I could think was, "SO ACKSHUALLY ONSTAD DID 9/11!!!1!!!ONE!!!" and then I screwed my tinfoil hat on even tighter, and the next thought was, "BUT ACHEWOOD CAN'T MELT STEEL BEAMS?!?!?!!!" (This is your brain. This is your brain on 30+ years of American imperial decline.) Happy Ache-iversary, Onstad!

boothnavy

Happy to be here. Thank you for having us.

Thomas Ellis

Thanks for everything Chris: the laughs, the thrills, the spills and the chills. It's a mighty achievement and the current incarnation might just be my favourite- free and easy but as hilarious as ever. The peeks behind the curtain in the author's tier add a whole new dimension.

Gavin Byrnes

To me, with apologies to Randall Munroe and Charles Schulz in a tie for third, you and Bill Watterson have created the greatest comic strips the world has seen. Yesterday I visited a museum exhibit commemorating Calvin and Hobbes. Maybe us chochachos are the only museum exhibit Achewood will ever have. But if there ever *is* a museum exhibit, I'll be there screaming I...AM...RUDE to horrified onlookers. Thanks for everything.

Alex Boehm

I stumbled upon Achewood as a callow youth of fourteen, denied Television by my well meaning parents who did not realize what the Internet would do to us all. I am still not entirely sure about the Internet, but Achewood has reliably propped my soul up as the years crashed down around me. Hugh Laurie once said that his most reliable antidepressant is a jolt of PG Wodehouse taken slowly and alone - though I can’t claim his stature or standing, I can confidently say that some guy on the internet (me) has found balm in even the roughest chuckle’d Gilead that you call Achewood. Thanks, Chris - and na zdrowie!

Steamed_Grahams

Achewood has influenced the way I think, the way I write, and the way I cook. (Seriously, about 15 years ago in college I cooked a Friendsgiving by myself, and I planned it out the way Teodor planned Beef and Molly's wedding. Except I didn't oversleep.)

Derek Adams

I will remember on my deathbed when Achewood almost got me fired once in my early twenties, I found myself physically unable to read the line "Ray's game is a melted chili pepper nailed to a board" without laughing, I had to unconvincingly fake a cough as I closed the browser as my boss looked my way. It's the little moments that matter.

Michael G.

Glad you're here, Onstad. Glad to be here myself.

Rob Dalton

happy birthday, achewood. this weary world is better for your throbbing investigations of the human spirit, maester onstad. fuckin' a.

Asherdan

Good golly! When I scrolled through the comments, it really struck me how many names and people have slipped in, around and about my Achewood experience over the years.

Travis O.

Thank you for everything, Chris. Grateful that this diversion on the road to the grave has been more than momentary.

GH

At the risk of sounding "parasocial" (a phenomenon where a man thinks he is the only person who truly appreciates the finer nuances of how sexy a small-famous online lady is) there is a bit of a kinship with everyone associated with Achewood, be it creator or fans, in that there's this intangible sort of spark to it that to pick up on and enjoy it is enough of a personality trait to base at least a loose acquaintanceship on. To use a cross-media simile it's like how everyone "likes music" but if I meet another guy in a death metal shirt I can safely extrapolate other personality traits we have in common like a sense of smug elitism over our songs about pissing blood and we'll probably enjoy at least a conversation shouted across the bar with each other.

Vincent Verweij

You've entertained, delighted, and inspired me and my friends for over half my life. Thank you for all you've done!

Jarrod

I wish you were my neighbor and friend also. People are so dull and cruel these days, it wears on a dude.

C C

Happy Anniversary Achewood, I don't think I could be as eloquent as those who have expressed their best whishes so far, but let me give you a hearty FUCK YEAH! For all the effort. Plus you have no idea how much I love the paneling in your new studio space.

b.zap

Was it chicken

Joe and Matt

Maybe, in our own small way, we were ALL standing on it. Love you, pal.

Julie

...you gonna show us that horsey shirt?

Brad Matheson

I've been following this Momentary Diversion for quite a while. Thank you so much for all you do for us. You are appreciated.

Stuart Davidson Tribbs

achewood has been a shibboleth for True Posters since we were all yelling about Quake mods or hosting Buffy webrings or whatever, truly an invaluable and sacred cultural institution that you've created

Max Crowe

Achewood is honestly, truly, without hyperbole, one of my favorite pieces of culture, bar none. Yes, obviously Bach's B Minor Mass and Velasquez's Las Meninas are one thing, but do they bring me such consistent enjoyment as the speedo-clad mogul cat and his depressed best friend? I'm not so sure.

Bert Zangle

I'll probably never completely forgive you for turning your Amsterdam stay during your culinary Eurotrip into a mickey d ad, but. Who am I kidding, it doesn't matter. If Shakespeare came and shat on my doorstep, I would presumably be more excited than angry too (I would however dust off my old ebay account, and get ready for some easy profit)

Piers Rae

Dropping in late too the party to add that it's so, so great to see you back at it. I can still remember the first time a friend tried to turn me on to the strip back in 2002. I didn't get it. Was baffled. Why IS Phillipe standing on it? It was beyond my ken. But then a couple years later I stumbled back on Achewood, purely by happenstance, and well... it just clicked - all at once. What a world you'd created. I couldn't stop reading. I shuttered the windows, devoured everything you had over a weekend and haven't stopped reading since.