0148b — ¡PECADOS PELIGROSOS! con...¡ABUELO PICANTE! (Patreon)

And here are EVEN MORE warm-up lines from Spicey Grampa! They were rejected for obvious reasons which you can learn about by reading them.

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TÉODOR: Hi Spicey Grampa! Tell us about before the Internet! 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Well, if ya wanted a crab cake you’d have to make it yourself. Restaurants only made two things: steak, and string beans. What else would a meal even be?! 

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TÉODOR: Hi Spicey Grampa! Tell us about before smartphones! 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Well, if you wanted directions you’d call the evening news and in a few weeks they’d run a segment on it!  

Oh, Jan Yanehiro, you absolute doll.

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SPICEY GRAMPA: You never bought a taxidermy rabbit’s foot from a quarter machine at a dark pizza parlor?   

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TÉODOR: Hi Spicey Grampa! Tell us about desk times! 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Oh, desks were wonderful things. Free and clear of clutter. Very impressive. But then the computer came along and ruined everything! How do you talk to someone across a desk with a big appliance on it?! I tell you, Bill Gates is killin’ the world comin’ and goin’. 

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TÉODOR: Hi Spicey Grampa! Why did everybody used to get married so young? 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Well, the sooner you got married, 

…the longer you’d have to get familiar with each other’s habits, 

…and your ghosts would find each other easier in the afterlife. 

TÉODOR: That’s a very sweet belief, but how could it ever be proven? 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Oh, that’s right, you can’t see ghosts yet. I can! They don’t bother with young people. 

TÉODOR: Because they don’t want to scare us? 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Because they ain’t gonna meet you for a while! Why bother? 

With us it’s like a kickoff meeting. Orientation.  

TÉODOR: Maybe there could be an app where ghosts and the elderly match up to see if they want to hang in the afterlife. 

SPICEY GRAMPA: Maybe there could be an app where a dog flies out of a bush and bites your neck in half! Then you could gurgle your stupid ideas out the side of your throat!