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Philippe Times: I'm a Rocker Now! (Patreon)

Published:
2026-02-25 18:00:17
Imported:
2026-09
Tags:

Content

"Just the FAQs, ma'am!" — In which Philippe gets all bent around a new rock music CD and briefly changes the velocity of his life.

Files

Comments

Josh Egbert

Quite a week for the little shaver

Achewood

It's always this busy — typically so busy he can't even get around to publishing.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

Ah, to hear Hoobastank like I was in middle school again.

Daniel M Ford

Beef, I have been there. Recently, even. And when I called AAA the guy came and was like "yeah I don't carry batteries for your car, sorry bro." It's not like I drive an exotic car! It's a Honda Fit! Sorry, I'm still baffled by this and talking about it to anyone who can't get away fast enough.

Jacob Smith

Philippe’s thoughts on Hoobastank hit way too close to home to how i also thought adults were like as a young child. At one point i was eager to pay insurance as it meant i was Responsible

Bruce Wright

I have Here Comes A Special Boy on reg rotation in my car!

Bruce Wright

BELIEVE in drugs? Hell, I've SEEN 'em (insultingly scattered applause)

Zen Window

I truly hope Philippe can nurture his fling with Hoobastank into a full relationship, because that little guy should be a Stanker or whatever fans of that stuff call themselves. Seems like a rich vein to mine for our Special Boy.

Achewood

Whooooah, that insurance detail is wild

Achewood

You have bragged about this Honda Fit three times in the Patreon. Perhaps we should just go ahead and do a feature?

Achewood

🎶At the no-alcohol… striiip cluuubbbb🎶

Daniel M Ford

I promise it's not bragging. It's more like public airing of shame.

Aaron J. Rushton, Writer of Words

OK so I was cracking up the whole time but I gotta tell you, this was s startlingly horrifying look into an alternate dimension in which I have not taken the time and care to be vigilant about my kids' exposure and access to music. They found Mad Season on their own and got into They Might Be Giants way more than I ever have all on their own, but may The Lord remove my children finding a 3 Doors Down CD from His plans for us.

Josh Fireland

I also called AAA recently about a dead battery and a really “hyper” guy showed up and said the battery’s fine, you just need to clean the terminals, and he just so happened to have a “homemade” cleaning liquid that would fix me up and it would only cost $20 (cash only). I said I only had $14 and he said that’d work. He scrubbed that battery clean and said it’d be good for another year. It died the next day so I called AAA and told them what happened and they said “oh yeah, THAT guy”

Douglas Wykstra

I figured the Suxsathizer would consist entirely of Lyle's middle finger, extended downward, with an invitation to "turn it up" should Teodor have difficulty hearing it.

Distant Egg Song

As somebody whose parents raised him exclusively on '60s-'70s rock and easy listening and then spent his entire adult life listening to Hyddyn-Sceptyre-style metal, I regret to inform you that the risk of them going off the straight and narrow never goes away. You can try to raise them right, but some day they may be spinning a record whose lyrical content contains the phrase "arcane cyborg."

Distant Egg Song

Philippe getting into Hoobastank reminds me of the time in middle school when I heard what, to my naive ear, sounded like the most kickass intro I'd heard in my life. I spent bits and pieces of the next few years trying to track it down, when last year I tried humming the riff into Google's music search. This was how I learned that I had spent afternoons in my youth chasing down the intro to a Switchfoot song. I sent myself to sit in a dark room for the next hour.

Tim Melody Pratt

person named ford drives a honda. whatever happened to nominative determinism

Achewood

That’s what I’M talkin bout! Excellent point

Daniel M Ford

At least this guy was an entrepreneur

b.zap

Amp to 11 Plugged in all to *hell* The juice flows in ... Into Bea! ... oh shiiiiiiit!!

C C

The boy's recent obsession with Hoobastank is unworrying to me because Philippe is five! This to, like a bean dinner,, will pass.

C C

I'm not sure which of the commas I like the best

Oppido

Sort of startling to see Philippe use the word "hell," in any context, but I guess the devil's music will do that to ya.

Asherdan

I'm oppo-Beef in that this was exactly the kind of thing I needed in my day.

Bill

Philippe will absolutely write a short story in which Robin Hood and King Arthur solve a crime together, assuming he is not distracted by a small bug on the way to the typewriter (he will be)

Taylor

I’d bet $14 his “homemade cleaning liquid” was just baking soda and water, that’s really all you need to clean battery terminals.

J. Alex

Lyle's lyrics are really solid, actually.

FactWino

It’s not even Festivus!

Douglas Wykstra

He at least capitalizes it, showing the wary respect any young occasional sinner should for an enemy that's scored a few hits on him in the past.