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0171b — The Twinkie Defense // Rats and Baggles from the Cutting Room Floor (Patreon)

Published:
2026-03-27 19:00:11
Edited:
2026-03-27 23:47:07
Imported:
2026-09
Tags:

Content

The goofiest alternative medical treatment that ever seemed to have an acute, positive effect on me was a chapstick-size tube of tiny homeopathic "arnica" pills. I had a tear in the tissue between two ribs, and it was causing me no end of pain. Lauren bought me the tube (at a co-op in Madison, Wisconsin, just for proper set-and-setting), and I took a half dozen or so of what looked like cartoon mouse sclera. A few minutes later the pain in my ribs had noticeably dimmed, so I treated her to Indian food. It reminded me of the time I got acupuncture for a hobbling knee injury, and surprised myself by walking to the bathroom at six the next morning without pain. What's your kooky alternative treatment success story?

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Comments

Bruce Wright

Homeopathy is great as long as you can convince yourself that water remembers what was in it

Daniel M Ford

Last panel of this one is a dagger hurled straight at me (if you replaced Sissy Spacek thigh gap with Tyler O'Neil arms)

Brian Horstead

"Alchoholics will drink stuff even if the flavour isn't good" Ooph.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Explaining away psychiatric/psychological problems with astrology. Neptune's in Sagittarius in my 3rd house, of course I'm a maladaptive daydreamer. The cool thing is that with a little knowledge you can retrofit the nonsense to any situation at all.

blair

Gotta be careful with that stuff. You might UD.

J. Alex

Dr. A considered one friend to be sufficient.

b.zap

Arthur and his performative sneezes.

Tom P

I managed to use visualizations so hard that I gave myself a rare metabolic disorder - but one of the good ones.

Zen Window

I don't know if "we've evolved to heal damn near everything less than a broken bone, so I'm just going to grit out this pain until it goes away on its own" counts as alternative treatment, but it's worked for me so far.

mdb

trying to determine based on pure telepathy and vibes if you're referring to willy st. co-op (or one of its various non-willy locations) or regent market co-op

Late Style

I couldn't lift my left arm without excruciating pain. My Doctor told me that I needed Rotator Cuff surgery. My oldest child visits a chiropractor while I sit in the corner and scoff. My child mentioned my condition during their appointment. The practitioner came out to the lobby, told me the pain wasn't in my arm but in my back. They then pressed on a spot in my back that made me, a grown man who has sat stone faced through bloody car accident injuries, layoffs, and bankruptcy proceedings, burst into tears (Ah Bloo Bla Bloo Bloo was the noise I made). She continued to press until the pain went away completely. I've been fine ever since.

Achewood

Yes! This. That’s what I’m talking about. My chiro visits don’t amount to much, but she also shared a building with a masseuse who gave us the Beef’s Massage strip

Achewood

Ok im told it was a Sprouts type store, like Whole Foods but more local. My wife went to Madison, I’m just an impostor. We mourn beans & barley, if that is a shibboleth

Achewood

It works until you need a colonoscopy. I don’t think we were meant to date men with skinny six foot penises.

Achewood

We look forward to your upcoming paperback set in Papyrus

Achewood

It might just be a reaction to stress. The guy is a bag of messes.

Late Style

I still don't visit her for anything else! The only downside from that afternoon was that my child had an adverse reaction to seeing their father openly weep.

Achewood

You can’t talk to two people at the same time! It’s not logical, Jim.

Oppido

Maybe in panel 1, yeah, but those flapping cheeks in panel 5 look like the real deal to me. Dude needs to take a Covid test, maybe.

Josh Fireland

PLEASE keep those sneeze-mouths in the database for future use, they are a delight

Achewood

I had hayden read my tarot. It’s more catalyzing than anything, a nice way to talk with your kid.

Achewood

It’s true! I’ll tell you how I know for the price of a sixer of Athletic Pilsner

Achewood

I’m after those Thanos lip ridges

Achewood

Underdose / UD oh man I wish I’d thought of that diss for a pat strip

mdb

TBF i'm also an impostor, my husband went to UW and we moved here from nashville in 2023. my experience with the granola grocery scene in this town is trader joe's, the willy st. and regent co-ops, and brennan's, which is more of a different, somehow more expensive thing.

Omurice

Twenty-nine years of chronic illness has given me the opportunity to try every alternative treatment possible. My two oddest therapies were having medical leeches applied and for several months I saw a radionics practitioner, (a form of vibrational healing that is based loosely on the work of Rudolf Steiner). Neither of these treatments worked but I briefly felt better after the leeches finished feeding and detached. I realized it was the same principle as banging your head on the wall and it feels good when you stop.

Douglas Wykstra

I know a family member who can get tipsy off dealcoholized wine, even if they know it to be dealcoholized. I should give that a (fake) shot sometime.

Achewood

There were guys in rehab who ate deodorant for the weird form of alcohol in there. It's a mad, mad, mad world

Achewood

Rudolph Steiner looks like the grandfather of Kraftwerk's Ralf Hütter. Very believable brow ridge. Which brings us to phrenology; for just $17.99 I can send you my brochure detailing the wondrous virtues of [sound of lightning bolt]

Achewood

Some dudes with glassware turned that plant into a candy that you can eat at bedtime! Solves two problems at once

Achewood

Drawing 60s cartoon mouths is a joy

Bruce Wright

"Alcohol's flavor is so bad that no one would ever drink an alcoholic beverage — unless, of course, it contained alcohol." —PJ

2scrogz

I have come across some specific fungi, that when consumed in small amounts, temporarily ease the constant ambient panicky sensation that the world is going to shit. But if over-indulged, the very fabric of reality itself starts to get real staticky, which can feel overwhelming. It's a delicate balance.

2scrogz

Also: melatonin. For when I want to sleep for 11.5 hours and still wake up feeling like a zombie.

2scrogz

"Dude always be gettin' his leech on, can't hardly stop him."

2scrogz

Hooray, man. Hooray for some dudes.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

I like tarot, largely for the art of the different decks, but also because it is more of a thought and conversation starter. Astrology tries to do way too much with way too little.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Referred pain is a very real and very annoying thing. For which see cranial nerves and the temporomandibular joint and their potential for impingement in a few of them.

Nicholas Williams

Arthur's second sneeze face may be up there with Angry Silent Pat in terms of my all-time favorite panels.

Nicholas Williams

Also sneeze into your elbow dude my six year old finally figured that you can too.

Achewood

Didn’t expect to have another hit so soon

Achewood

I wish melatonin had any effect on me. It’s in the cbd and “thoughts and prayers” category

Achewood

A friend makes excellent tinctures of this. I need to remember to microdose more often, dammit DAMMIT

Achewood

Better than seeing you sitting sincerely in a room with a giant stuffed Arthur, though.

Achewood

Ama Kitchen is tha bomb dot bizzzzzzzzz

John Kenda

Arthur's Tight Math about found pills is not Tight or Math

Achewood

I meant to have a smart and valuable reply to this, but the re-read your comment inspired helped me see that dirtbike and dirt bike had been used interchangeably, which upset me, so I spent time fixing it. Thank you, in a way.

Ben Wilinofsky

Holding crystals near my ailments produces a pleasantly cool sensation. Since I am a man who grew up taught that feelings are things you ignore while you do facts, I find this to be tremendously useful, in that it forces me to be attentive to the signs of stress in my body that I would otherwise ignore until they exploded from various parts of my (the screaming hole, the psychology, the pooping hole, etc.)

FactWino

Man, I HOPE water doesn’t remember what was in it, it’d be mostly cholera

Tim Melody Pratt

An old buddy of mine is trained as an acupuncturist and traditional Chinese medicine practitioner and is very practical about what that stuff can do and what it can't do. Back in the day when we were young and more frequently overindulged he taught me the best hangover cure, which is simply taking a vial of curing pills and drinking a bunch of electrolyte-infused water before bed. I have tried it without the curing pills and it's not as good

Achewood

Ok! But what are curing pills? I bet most pills want to be called curing pills.

Achewood

Learning to listen to the body was a very early step in my learning to meditate. From there you can listen to spaces, and more. It is especially useful to have consumed the works of Carlos Castaneda, and, at certain points past, exciting psychedelics.

Achewood

Thank you! I have two pallets on the way, in case I take any anti-curing pills.

Achewood

Good, good. Make sure the curing pill jugs are marked with two X’s instead of three, so things are clear

Jay

Oh, man, please make a plushie Arthur with scared ears, please

Chris Daniels

Achewood: drawing freaky mouths since 2001