Your Achewood Free Tier Update: A Celebration of Roast Beef (Patreon)

Roast Beef, The Middle Cat, is why we're all here. Say it. Ray is fun, sure, and accidentally eats half a sheet of paper. Philippe is adorable, but he is a pip-squeak, and the innocence of youth has not been positioned as the datum of the Achewood universe. Roast Beef, however, is both trawl and bycatch; he is the telephone pole to which fifty years of fliers have been nailed, screwed, and stapled, and from which fifty years of fliers have melted away in the acid rain of public scrutiny, their fasteners pocking into rough brown rust.

Some of my favorites:

There are many others, but they are too sad.

Testify! Subscriber quote:

"Now that Chris is back, we must all feast mightily at the table he has set for us, so that we can for brief moments once more lose sight of our swiftly approaching mortality."

—Nate, satisfied but realistic man

A Peek Inside The Patreon:

The strip at the head of this post, "0015 — Beautiful Dreams," ran in August of 2023 in the Achewood Patreon, Tier 1. It was an immediate subscriber favorite, because we all have briefly wondered, in that damning ray of hope, what it would be like if we were truly beautiful. While you and I are believably beautiful, there is an unattainable echelon of beauty in which only five or nine people dwell, and even then they are only really there when the eye of the camera zhuzhes the light just so. We want something which cannot exist, and that is how twenty-dollar lotion is sold. We bump and bounce along on the bus, clutching our parcel or bag, face slightly puffy from too much sodium, hair lacking that fresh-from-the-stylist volume.

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Join me on X! Achewood has always enjoyed a sizable following on that site, and I've recently started posting two archival classics there each day. Please enjoy these breaks from the sulfurous stew of doomscroll brainstem cannibalism which typically features there.

Thank you for being a free member of the Achewood Patreon! I hope that in time I can demonstrate enough value and delight in these weekly postings to persuade you of the quality content you will find in the supporter tiers. I rely entirely on reader contributions, and am seldom the recipient of massive, hotly-contested federal bailouts.

Best,

Chris